peace

[cantgetasecondspeace]

ther is no SPACE anywhere in the fucking UNIVERSE for me to BE without fucking interruptions!"!!!!!

i just want some peace. is that too much to ask?

i ddint know you could go to relate alone. i will look into it, tho - w/out his POV im not sure how it could help...
i am brightened by thought it may be my own fuckwittedness making me think these things... but am so sick of being the problem. i want to take the word depressed and everyone who ever used it and shoot them in the head. i cant bear it.

Peace how are you?
Ive changed my name for this as im going to admit a few things. I can really relate to what you are saying. Its like a big dirty great big elephant under the carpet, its woken me up in the middle of the night with anxiety, its dominated pretty much most of my thoughts for a year. The awful unmentionable heavy weight that maybe i did the wrong thing, and like you how did i get here?
I know how you feel, but it could also be depression (aargh i hate that too) or missing my family and friends - all os (most likely), or feeling trapped generally (i hate the financial dependency).
Been to see a therapist and it is helping just to go through some of these issues... do you think it could help you? - just to check. As my worst fear however is i could throw it all away and it wasnt the incompatibility with dh. Im sorry this is all about me!! But im hoping that in showing i know exactly what you are talking about, and you describe it well, that you are not alone?? i hope this helps a little bit if not then eeerk

{{hugs}} to you both sounds to me like you're exhausted and very overwhelmed. You need to start loving yourself again. ironically taking time out for you. thinking of you

bruno - thank you. yes, it does help - for some reason! - to know you feel exactly the same... i feel... i dunno, like less of a uniquely moronic divvy for getting here!! joke. we are not morons... i actually relate very much to what you say; ie the whole elephant-under-the-table fear could just be a big sneaky test to see if i'll say the awful world ending things in my head and if, as we suspect, we will manage to cock it all up just by saying it...

on the plus side - dp and i had dinner together tonight. which was really feckin lovely. and we both agree we need MUCH more time together.
on which note, im off to bed!

thanks summerhols btw. you are right too.

Peace your post made me smile. Im really glad you had a lovely time with your dh. Then i starting thinking you had got rid of your elephant and i was the only one left with one. Imagining that made me giggle.
How are you doing today?

how's it going today? Have you managed to do something nice for you ie bath?? I bought an expensive face mask used it last night in bath and this morning it's like all the pores on my face are blocked looks dreadful. So don't use clarins face mask maybe i didn't wash it off properly but I'm sure i did.

hope you are both doing ok

thanks rollon, the weather's a bit crapola but i actually feel lots better. dh went to work in a white blazer thingo and i thought cor he looks good. Ive been having a few wobbles so that was a nice feeling!

I wnt through a stage of wondering if dh and myself were compatable and like you if t wasn't for the kids I'd have walked. Was feeling quite down about our relationship. So I explained how I feeled and we agreed we needed to be a couple as well as parents and took a bottle of wine to the beach at night and just talked and talked. It helped so much and I think sometime you get so involved with the role of being a parent you forget you are lovers as well. Sex isn't high on your 'to do' list (excuse the pun LOL!)

haribomum wine and beach oh that sounds so nice

bruno wobbles it is great when that happens sort of helps to strenghten bond between you admist all the crap ..enjoy..