Handhold needed

[HopelessStudent]

Everything seems hoepless.
Have mental health issues, been worsening last couple of months. Suicidal every day. Am not working due to MH, no DC, study part-time (Open Univeristy).

About to massively fuck up.
In top grade boundary for year so far.
Been crying more and more, unable to stop for most of last 3 days.

Will definitely not even pass exam. Barely done any preparation cos of MH deteriorating.

Don't even want to go, don't feel safe going, can't bear it, but have to attend to be entitled to re-sit.
But re-sits are capped to bare pass mark. Pointless having done well this year so far.

This was the only positive thing in my life, now it's all gone.

I cant re-sit next year cos that'll be too much to do then.
I tried to improve my life and shouldn;t have bothered, now Ijust have another failure.
I dont want to keep living
Ive called the crisis team but noone can fix this

Please book an appointment with your GP, you need to be seen. Then send an email to your personal tutor, this is what extentuating circumstances and interruptions are for.

Have you done CBT/DBT in the past?

Its sunday, I cant see GP.
CBT/DBT not suitable, waiting for other therapy. But too much real life crap, too hopeless, too lste

Have emailed tutor

No advice but handhold here

Prioritise getting yourself into a safe state of mind at the moment. If you're feeling suicidal the university stuff is way down the list of priorities.
Have the crisis team got back to you? If they're anything like my local team you might need to chase them up. Try to cover the basics, get something to eat and drink, try a wash if you can't manage a bath or shower. Tiny steps of self care just to keep yourself going. Then chase up crisis team again if you haven't heard from them. Do you have any family or friends you can phone to come and be with you or just to talk to? If so phone them.

but if id done well this year it would be a reason to help me not feel suicidal
as it is its tipped me over the edge

Well done for emailing your tutor, it takes a lot to finally tell someone you are struggling, especially when the expectation you have set yourself are high. You have already accessed the service you can today, crisis team, so tomorrow you can arrange to see your GP. You have said that crisis cannot fix the problem, is this what they have said or what you believe? What’s changed in the last 3 months to effect your mood?

Nothings changed, just slowly got more hopeless as been trying for so long

Handholding here too

You sound like you have done so well, be proud of that.
Is there something you could do to get you through the day eg a long walk and then go to tge gp tomorrow.
It may seem hopeless right now but there is a solution
I will be handholding all day and thinking of you. Have a hug too x

Oh OP

I was in a horrendous place mentally in my first year of uni. I did well all year despite being so anxious I didn't attend a single lecture or seminar, barely left my room, was drinking most days and spent most days wishing I would just die. It was the worst time of my life. After an episode which did involve me almost dying, I finally got some help from a student counselor and had some CBT. Immediately things got better and I realised it wasn't the end and I wasn't giving up. I'm incredibly happy 3 years on, despite finishing my degree with a 2.2 and having a 'meh' job and a baby now, my mental health is the absolute best it has ever been in about 9 years.

Please seek help. Or PM me if you want to talk, I'm a trained counsellor for 7cupsoftea and we talk to people with MH issues online, you could always try there too. Or Samaritans. Things will always get better, promise. X

but they wont get better. this was my last ditch attempt

help

Have you heard anything from the crisis team?

Please please ring Samaritans OP.

Try to chase up the crisis team again OP. We are limited in terms of help we can give from here. You need someone to be able to come and see you to put some support in place.

The crisis team called back. Just asked what my plans for the day were. I dont think they can help me

Apparently there might be a solution to the exam problem
But i still dont want to live.

Too much for too long and the crisis team cant help.
Id give anything to be worth enought o be loved

i jus cant do this alone any more
would be different if i had hope
i just wish someone cared, i wish someone could give me a hug now

Please call the Samaritans 116 123. It’s a free call.
We care

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources - here. You can also go to the Samaritans' website here, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

All the very best from MNHQ

Sorry to hear about your difficulties. Just a wee bit of reassurance about the OU side of things. You can apply for discretionary postponement as long as you can show you've been unwell. This means you wouldn't have to attend the exam and you could sit the resit as a first attempt without a cap on your grade. Here's the link help.open.ac.uk/what-if-i-cant-attend-my-exam-or-submit-my-ema

I'm glad you've emailed your tutor. If you feel up to it, you could also phone your Student Support team at the OU tomorrow to discuss it (phoning guarantees you'll be dealt with immediately - email can take a while).

Best wishes.

Thank you Eve
My tutor also said resit is in september so not the horror of leaving it a full year and having too much to do then.

Generally wish the crisis team weren't so strange. I dont know how to describe it, but they're sort of... make me feel like a nuisance.

Hi Op. I’ve been thinking about you all day

Sorry to hear about your issues with the crisis team. Is it the whole team or just one person? Could you try to speak to someone else there?

A PPs suggestion of the samaritans is a good one

Im so pleased you have good news about your exam and studies, that is really great

Have a virtual hug

The crisis team sounds useless. I'm glad that you've had some good news from your tutor.

hope you can access some help tomorrow

Is anyone there?
I'm sorry