Trying to stay off antidepressants - how else can I help myself?

[applelolly]

So.... I came off ads(citalopram 20mg ) on March 1st.I have been on and off them for about 10 years and most recently took them for about 3 years. I reduced really, really slowly over many, many months. I rode out the mad mood swings that I always get initially when coming off them. But 3 months later and I really struggling again.. I absolutely do not want to go back on them for many reasons. I have nothing against using medication when it is needed, and being on these has really helped me in the past. But currently I KNOW that it is really just a lot of contributing stresses and my sitaution that is getting to e me and no amount of medication is going to change that. I cant change my situation much for the next few years so have to find ways to manage it.
I have been doing:
daily meditation - this has helped definitely
more exercise and taken up running again. Now exercising 5 times a week
Eating more healthily - I need to loose a lot of weight - have lost 2 stone so far
Cut down alcohol
Have deliberately cut down on the amount I do for other people around the house - need to continue to work on this
Been reading more and watching less mindless tv

But I'm still struggling! what else can I do to help myself. I seem to be ok through the week when I'm at work but by the end of Sunday evening I am tearing my hair out.

what else have you tried to help with stress/low mood/anxiety?

I wonder if you have ever looked into co-dependency. It sounds to me a lot like it. Do you have a total lack of boundaries with your family and friends and feel like you give all the time and all they do is take without anything in return?I have been struggling with this all my life but only just put a name to it in the last year. You could read up about co-dependency and see if it fits for you. Its not surprising you're feeling depressed but you have made the link that it is your situation thats causing the issue so you have made a massive step forwards in that alone.

I think from what you've said already that boundaries are a big problem in your home (probably outside too?) esp wrt to dc and chores. I'm guessing that every time you try to put in boundary with the dc (or indeed anyone, inc dh) they freak out and create a massive emotional shit-storm that you just can't cope with and then despite your best efforts at resistance you eventually give up cos you just haven't got the energy to go through this yet again?
Boundaries are what you need but it isn't something that is to be rushed. When you first try to set boundaries, you will get a huge amount of 'change back' behaviour from everyone around you, they will try to make you feel as bad as possible to make you go back to prioritising them over yourself. But your number one priority has to be your own mental health and self care is the best starting point. It sounds like you are doing amazingly well with your meditation, exercising, losing weight and cutting down on the chores you do for others. You should be really proud of yourself. Keep all those up and try and spend as much time as possible doing what makes you feel good. It is very hard at first to break those habits of putting everyone else and everything else first (I'm working very hard at it myself) but so worth it.

I love yoga and it has certainly been the one thing that has kept me off anti-depressants. Even so and despite desperately wanting to do a daily practice, I just cannot get it started. But, I'm doing more and more, it really is a case of baby steps. There are loads of videos on youtube but quality varies considerably. I recommend www.doyogawithme.com as the teachers are all very good on there, most videos are free too.
wrt the house being a mess I would for starters just stay out of the dc rooms and ignore anything there. To help motivate them only wash clothes that they put in the laundry basket, they will leave stuff on the floor and they will freak out at you when their clothes aren't ready for them to wear when they need them but do not give in and eventually they will learn. When they do freak out, just go outside and do some gardening or leave the house, take the dogs out for walk.
Perhaps you can nominate (secretly) one particular space as the place you will keep tidy for yourself to enjoy, even if its tiny, or perhaps the shed! If anyone puts their things in that space you will just chuck them in a basket and they can retrieve it from there themselves. This may not work as they they will try to pull you back into your old role, probably by initially making even more mess than usual and being very unpleasant company but just rise above and take a lot of walks- summer is a great time for this strategy!
I would also try your very best to not moan at them or tidy up in a passive aggressive manner. Decide what is the bare minimum you can live with and do that, I know it will be hard to ignore the rest. Be pleasant and loving to your family, but put yourself first in your own life. Don't be a doormat for them to wipe their feet on- that isn't what parenthood or love is supposed to look like.

I can relate to all of this applelolly I want to come off my ad to but I am so scared, I attempted last year and it was awful.

You seem to have achieved a lot already and that is amazing, I only have 2 DC but mine are similar, it seems everyone knows when you are at your lowest and make things harder.

I am going to pinch a few ideas from here I already practice mindfulness and do a bit off yoga, I also need to stop the wine.

Can you sit down with your whole family and explain things and ask for help, I worry you might not continue as well as you are without their support. Do you have GP reviews, my fear is stopping the ad but then having to start again. Here is hoping you have a better day you really are doing amazingly well. As most mums know you always put yourself last and that can come at a cost but it's very hard to change. Your family get used to how you have always been and what you do so are resistant to change.

I feel stressed just reading your posts.

You've done so well but are being thwarted at every stage. If I were you I'd be having a full and frank discussion with everyone. Id sit us all down and id go for it. Id explain about the ads and that sometimes you feel life is not worth living, id tell them how I cry myself to sleep at night, tell them about my mental health issues triggered by them. Id really go for it and really over egg it too. At least I'd know I'd tried then and that everyone was in possession of the facts.

Your dh sounds like an arse but by the sou d's of things you know you have issues there.

I think you're doing everything right but with your home being the way it is you're going to keep struggling.

If nothing changes, nothing changes.

I think it's good that you have identified your stressors. The problem is real and not within you. Good luck.

Ahhh, op, this is starting to make sense. There's a name for your situation.

It's The Net.

It's a bugger. Basically, you are caught in a series of situations, relationships and interactions (The Net) that are keeping you caught in a state of stasis where you cannot evolve and change through this part of your lifecourse. And your subconscious is trying to tell you to snip the strands and get out of The Net in the only way it knows how: ie. anxiety, stress and depression.

If you think of your anxiety as not an "illness" per se but as an alarm from your subconscious, trying to get you to free yourself from your situation so you can bloom again, then it might help you see a clear way through.

I suspect you know you need to tackle your domestic situation. Dorothy Rowe is quite a good writer on this sort of thing and how domestic setups can create mental health problems.

There's a fantastic book How not to Die by Michael Greger. He writes about foods scientifically proven to prevent and reverse disease.

There's a chapter about depression and these are the foods that help.

Sweet potatoes, tomatoes, berries, apples, grapes, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, sesame seeds, butternut squash seeds, onions, cinnamon, nutmeg, cloves, green tea and coffee.

The other major thing that is recommended is to exercise everyday.

I actually think that you need some counselling OP to help you sort out the things that are contributing to your depression.

Lots of love and support to you. I know how you feel as I have just had a month of feeling terrible. However, mine is hormone related.

Thanks all.
Greathill I think you spot on with a lot of your post. Certainly when it comes to my family. I have spent 20 years putting their needs and happiness over and above my own, at great detriment to my own well being. I used to be similar at work but got a lot better at being boundaried there.But so much of what you describe is exactly what is happening at home.

picklingthat sounds interesting and quite true I think

SakuraI had some counselling a few years ago. It was rubbish and put me off. Although I would try it again but genuinely can't afford it just now.

I have decided to temporarily re start my medication. The last few days have been so bad I have hardly been able to function. I am disappointed but I also know it is the right thing to do just now. However when I am feeling a bit stronger I am going to make a point of addressing all the issues I need to face and sort out. I am going to carry on doing the things that will help me. My eating has been rubbish for the past few days so I need to get that back on track.Although haven't ate much at all for over a day due to lingering stomach bug!

A big thanks to all those that have taken the time to post on this thread, you have all been a great support.