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Mental health

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Original poster

i can't do it

48 replies

redbracelet · 18/05/2007 22:29

I can't carry on pretending everything is ok anymore.

I am full to the top of tears that just will not fall. I hate myself. Hate my weight, hate the way i look, i am ugly inside and all my attempts to change that have just made it worse.
In the past i have hurt myself physicaly to make sense of the way i feel inside but i don't want to go down that road again. There is only so long that you can hide from yourself and i don't want to see me.

I don't make sense, i know that but ijust needed to get a little bit out. Even hiding under a name i don't really use much coz i am a fucking coward and its easier for me to walk away thinking that you won't "know" me

OP posts:

MrsDiorKeanuReeves · 18/05/2007 23:17

I'm sure colditz didn't think you were. This is a sign of your depression.

essbeehindyou · 18/05/2007 23:18

Message withdrawn

colditz · 18/05/2007 23:18

No I know you weren't sweetpea. But that means you're not either, you see? Tell your doctor. He will be rightfully concerned and willing to help you.

colditz · 18/05/2007 23:20

And yes, chronic guilt is a major sign of depression.

Please, hun, I am seeing so much of myself last year in your posts now, and I needed to be medicated before I got better. And I don't 'hun' for just anyone, y'know, I am concerned and rightfully.

Original poster

redbracelet · 18/05/2007 23:20

I don't get lies in and not sleeping well anyway. I am sleeping but just lightly. I don't want food although i oviously do eat it. i don't want to go down that road again either. well a bit. Excercise would help with weight issue...

OP posts:

colditz · 18/05/2007 23:21

I must go to bed, and it would be cool if you could too, to get some sleep and stop you hanging around on mn until everyone is in bed and you feel lonely (been there, done that)

MrsDiorKeanuReeves · 18/05/2007 23:22

Forget the weight for now and concentrate on getting well. I am three stone over weight but am trying to sort out my mind before I deal with my weight.

essbeehindyou · 18/05/2007 23:23

Message withdrawn

MrsDiorKeanuReeves · 18/05/2007 23:24

I have to go to bed now, but will check on this tomorrow. Try to get some sleep. My gp prescribed some sleeping tablets for two weeks, to give me a break as I was waking up every hour. It did help to get some solid sleep. Allowed me to think straight.

Good night. x

Original poster

redbracelet · 18/05/2007 23:25

ty for taking the time to reply colditz. sorry for keeping you up.

Actually, ty everyone on the thread. I have become a bit disheartend of late with MN as a whole. (Which i know is a generalisation)

Going to get in bed with a book and wait for DP to come home

OP posts:

MrsDiorKeanuReeves · 18/05/2007 23:26

Ask him to get up with the children tomorrow too...

Original poster

redbracelet · 18/05/2007 23:26

sorry keep x posting. taking me so long to type

OP posts:

april74 · 19/05/2007 06:21

Hi redbracklet, I echo what everyone else has said.

Your post sound exactly like my best friend who had been crying out for help for the past 2 years, I spent the best part of that time trying to persuade her to go to the doctors, but she felt ashamed, a failure, etc etc, which of course she was not.

Then finally something snapped in her head and she could take no more,3 months ago she went to the doctors, she was worried she wouldn't know what to say, but walked in and burst into tears and has not looked back since, she has settled on a dose on ad's and is getting her life back, she says she no longer shouts at her kids, has a much improved relationship with her dh as not everything he does annoys her anymore, she is no longer paranoid and thinks everyone is against her, and she so wishes that she had gone to the doctors 2 years as feels she wasted so much time.

I had been able to help her a great deal as I suffered severe PND, and remembering back when I finally found the courage to tell friends, and family I was amazed just many other people actually were/had suffered some form of depression, and others are right it is an illness.

I do appreciate that it is hard for some people to talk to the doctor, but like others have said, if you write it down you will have a good place to start, but you can only get help, when you decide you want it, admitting even on her that you are suffering is a good start, please go and see your doctor, because in no time at all you can be feeling better, and don't be embarrassed or ashamed as they see people probably everyday with a depressive illness.

Good luck and keep posting.

Original poster

redbracelet · 19/05/2007 11:45

I just came back to say that i am sorry for posting. I shouldn't have done, it feels wrong of me to have posted.

Thank you for replies though.

OP posts:

MrsDiorKeanuReeves · 19/05/2007 16:33

You did nothing wrong in posting. You are depressed. Please listen to us - we have all been there and got through it. You need to see your gp.

macmama73 · 19/05/2007 16:52

I had pn-depression after the birth of DS almost 3 years ago. I spoke to my gyn and she said that it was very important to treat pnd because it could lead to big problems later. I guess that is true for all forms of depression.
I was on medication for a short time and went to my mils for a couple of weeks. That, and the support of my family pulled me out of it.
Go to your GP, or to a different doc if you don't want to go to your normal doc. It is nothing to be ashamed of, but for your sake, and for your familys sake, you need to get help.

Flamesparrow · 21/05/2007 08:24

xxxxxxxxxx

HistoricalLegoDIORama · 21/05/2007 17:18

RB - how are you now? I am worried about you.

MerlinsBeard · 21/05/2007 19:54

Dior, please don't worry. I am ok. DS1 quite ill so being distracted at the moment. I feel very low still but have started on SJW. Maybe they will help, maybe not.

I am sorry i hid behind the 'red bracelet' name I just feel like that at mo (lots of reasons for that name)

I suppose i 'came out' because I can always change name again.

macmama73 · 21/05/2007 20:07

Hope things get better for you soon and that DS recovers from his illness. Thinking of you.

HistoricalLegoDIORama · 22/05/2007 09:25

Well, make sure that you look after yourself as well. Sorry you feel so down. x

april74 · 22/05/2007 10:44

hope your feeling better soon.

If not joy with the SJW then please see the doctor, be careful with SJW wort though as I know they can have some unwanted side effects (i know as I have taken them).

Good luck

april74 · 24/05/2007 15:09

how you feeling now redbracelet?

I found this on the internet which might be able to help, you could always print it off and highlight the ones that explain how you are feeling.

Hope this helps.

Look for signs of depression.

Read the following list.

Put a check mark by each sign that sounds like you:

I am really sad most of the time.

I don't enjoy doing the things I've always enjoyed doing.

I don't sleep well at night and am very restless.

I am always tired. I find it hard to get out of bed.

I don't feel like eating much.

I feel like eating all the time.

I have lots of aches and pains that don't go away.

I have little to no sexual energy.

I find it hard to focus and am very forgetful.

I am mad at everybody and everything.

I feel upset and fearful, but can't figure out why.

I don't feel like talking to people.

I feel like there isn't much point to living, nothing good is going to happen to me.

I don't like myself very much. I feel bad most of the time.

I think about death a lot. I even think about how I might kill myself.

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