Can't do this anymore

[LEMtheoriginal]

I can't . I'm tired. So fucking tired. I'm evil and don't deserve to be here.

Your not evil and do really do deserve to be here..your doctor sounded helpful from what you told me ,and they will have an out of hours team / number that you could call x please call them x

Ursula she is going white water rafting in villnerve? Spelling is wrong. That was the straw that broke the camel's back with regards to my anxiety and going back on meds. All the things I'm terrified of I'm letting her do - what sort of mother even am I?

My eldest dd barely talks to me - our only contact is via Facebook messenger and her answers are erratic. I feel guilty doing things with my dd2. We went looking at camping stuff today as we have been camping for past three years with dd2. I feel so bad as we never did that with dd1. We had holidays but not regularly and it cost more then. Had we discovered camping was affordable back then we would have gone x

Hi lem I'm doing OK, being kind to myself. Mostly well but still on fluoxetine which is fine. Separated from OH which has been tough for everyone, dd not been well but mostly (!) managing to take one day at a time...

Exam stress is tough. Try not to feel bad about being back on meds, we wouldn't for a physical illness.... Bpd diagnoses are not always reliable, it's a v subjective area, but even if it is right there are some good, effective therapies. What are you doing this eve?

Going to try and look at some college stuff. Not sure I'll concentrate but hey.

Thank you everyone from the bottom of my heart for the support over the last couple days. It has kept me here!

I'm also sorry if this has been triggering for folk as I know that is not a good thing to do. This illness is so selfish. I wish I wouldn't wake up bit I know that my DD'S need me and would be destroyed if I did anything. My cousin took his own life back in the 70's and the effects of that are still affecting our family now. It's a chain reaction.

LEM I've recently been diagnosed with BPD, it's true it can't be cured but you can learn to live with it. I'm currently doing the STEPPS program and it is helping....sometimes. I also feel so bloody exhausted at the daily struggle I have, and sometimes resentful of my kids because they're the only reason I'm still here. Then I'll have a good day and life doesn't seem so bleak.

Feel free to PM me if you think it'll help.

White water rafting 😱 Scary Mary.

We have a pretty dysfunctional family. A schoolmum friend once commented that she bet there wasn't much fun in our house.

Nice 🤔

But life is life.

How's today been lem?

Keep speaking here, and please, IRL. We're all here and are not going away. Give us all the scary thoughts, put them down here. We'll read it and say yikes, but then some kind soul will come along and give you good advice. We're like that, you know we are.

Do you do hugs? Virtual ones are quite nice - here's one, just for you. And and .

Thankyou - I'm up and down. My oldest dd upset me but I spoke to a friend and I am ok. Work today . I am better at work. Less time to think.

I really appreciate all the support x

That's good to hear. Yes I find work can he helpful - absorbing and distracting (mostly!) today I fixed a laser cutter!