Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Original poster

Mid life depression?

17 replies

Furryface · 28/04/2018 13:31

Hi all. I've had a horrible year so far. Health scare, relationship problems, bereavement in the family. I have history of depression and am now feeling very low again. Very heavy periods and menopausal type mood swings. The worst is all the inward gazing stuff that is becoming unbearable. Looking back on my shitty waste of a life with two divorces, childhood abuse, depression, no successful career despite doing really well at school. Living in horrible area although the house is mine. My only positive is my dcs. I keep thinking about what a failure I am and how I've ruined my life. Comparing myself to others my age who are away for weekends and holidays. Doing interesting things. I feel dead inside and have done for a while. I also know I sound so pathetic and I have got things to be thankful for. Doesn't help that my brother is so successful and lives in a big house. How do I get out of this shit?

OP posts:
shadypines · 28/04/2018 15:30

I'm sorry you are feeling so low Furryface, it looks like a lot of these are or have been beyond your control though so you need to go a bit easier on yourself.

There are lots of positives, you did well at school (there is always time to build on that, how old are you?) and your 2 DCs...you have done the hardest job in the world!! Well done!

Comparing yourself to others really is a path to misery as I know myself and it's best avoided, the grass always looks greener but it isn't. I wonder how old your DC are and do you get any time for yourself to do what you might want to do, learn something, a hobby or take an affordable trip somewhere?

Flowers for you.

Original poster
Furryface · 28/04/2018 21:10

Thanks so much for replying shady. I'm early 50s and think it's too late for new career. I've got no talents. Not artistic or creative. Brain fog all the time so forgetful. I'm struggling every hour of every day. My job is highly stressful. My relationship with my partner is rocky because I'm so unhappy all the time. He doesn't like going out and doing things and nor does my teenage dd. I just want to hide away and sleep because I just can't accept how my life has gone. I try so hard not to think about it but it occupies all my waking hours. I'm hoping to go away with my dd in the summer if possible. Then I feel guilt about being so low and ungrateful for what I've got. If it wasn't for my ds, I wouldn't want to carry on living. I'm so exhausted. Sorry for my self pity party.

OP posts:
PorlockHeaven · 29/04/2018 14:04

Hello Furryface
I feel exactly the same. That the best of life is over. I have one child who in a few years will leave. My parents are elderly and sick. I can't see a futureSad

Original poster
Furryface · 29/04/2018 16:43

Sorry to hear you're feeling the same Porlock. It's a horrible feeling. I had an altercation with my xh this morning and dp and if it wasn't for my dd I would have got in the car and not come back. I ended up calling the samaritans and it was amazingly helpful and I felt tons better just talking to a stranger. I've decided I'm going to the doctors this week because I need some help. I really hope you can find some peace. I too am worrying about my dd leaving home.

OP posts:
teamclean · 29/04/2018 16:46

OMG, I hear you OP!
I have got so much to say - will bookmark and return when I have my thoughts together.
I read another thread recently - something like "in your 50s and lost your way anyone?" - might be worth checking out.

I know just what you mean, OP, fwiw Flowers

Snog · 29/04/2018 17:14

Counselling?
HRT?

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 29/04/2018 17:20

I found HRT helped enormously.

Original poster
Furryface · 29/04/2018 18:15

Thanks Team Snog and Sponge. Yes I'm thinking counselling and HRT. Team it's awful isn't it. I'm so sorry you feel like this too. Thank you for posting that link. What they are saying is also exactly how I feel. So helpful to feel it's not just me. Today I feel like I could actually explode with anger and do stuff that's out of character for me. I feel like I'm cracking up but having to hold it together for my lovely dd. Perhaps I need to go away for a weekend on my own to think. I can no longer deal with what's going on in my head every second of the day. It's too exhausting.

OP posts:
shadypines · 29/04/2018 21:37

Yes it helps to know you're not on your own Furry, it certainly does sound like you need some breathing space and a chat to your doc. I too am in my early 50's and have teen DD and DS, I gave up a good career when they were young and I lost both my parents in the last 5 years, it tough isn't it at this age as you are coping with both ends of the scale of life I suppose.

Re your career you are not too old, I have two (female) relatives who are transitioning to new careers in their mid/late 40's and mid 50's. I am sorry you are finding your job so stressful, it sounds like you have a vicious circle going on at the moment. If you could talk to someone and get a different perspective on it it I'm sure it would help. The anger thing could well be your hormones ( or at least partly), I remember feeling like this about a month ago, I was ready to scream at someone both at home and work!

{flowers] for Porlock, looking forward to hearing you Team

shadypines · 29/04/2018 21:38

Flowers even!

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 29/04/2018 21:39

Weekend away sounds like a good plan. FWIW HRT stopped me feeling like quite such a menopausal murderous old bag.... Flowers

Original poster
Furryface · 01/05/2018 22:59

shady that sounds like a tough time with your parents too. Sponge the menopausal murderous old bag is what I feel like too! I'm horrible in the car and everyone massively irritates me. It's like I'm looking back at my life and regretting lots of it and asking myself why I made certain decisions. I've also been through some real crap over the years and I'm so angry about some things. Trying to let it all go and think what's done is done but I don't know how. Does this make sense?

Hope you're both OK Porlock and Team.

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 01/05/2018 23:13

I think we all have regrets when we look back over our lives. I've been married 3 times and all were a total disaster! Two of them are now deceased (nothing to do with me, I promise!) Career was ok but I should have chosen more carefully. Still, it's never too late... (She says optimistically). Take a break, have some time out? Maybe DD will come with you, or a friend maybe?

Snog · 04/05/2018 19:05

Just wanted to say Thanks
Perhaps it is time to follow your own passions in life OP

Original poster
Furryface · 05/05/2018 15:21

Thanks both. I would love to follow my passions but the truth is I don't know what my passions are! I really don't have a clue. I've so lost my way. I'd love to live in France but that's not going to happen.

OP posts:
SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 07/05/2018 21:37

Did you manage to book any time off Furry? I recognise a lot of what you are saying. Decided to concentrate on my health for a bit. Need to shift a load some weight, so working hard at that. Find excercise helps quite a bit, and the yoga. Some good yoga stuff on Youtube I believe, if that could be your thing?

New posts on this thread. Refresh page