OCD/Obsessive checking

[Bitchinabonnet]

I know that just by writing this down it seems crazy/irrational but I have nobody in real life I can discuss this with . Please don't judge me .

For a long time I have suffered from anxiety and irrational worries/thoughts .

After the birth of both my children for months I couldn't stop checking my breasts (sometimes getting up 3/4/5 times in the night to do so and interrupting trips out to go to the toilet to check myself)

In the past when , for example , I have had problems with the car (and got them sorted) I have had palpitations about driving again and avoided doing so incase we break down (to the point I bought a brabd new car two years ago to alay my worries) .
I like order , to be organised and when things deviate I really struggle . My eldest child has ASD/ADHD and it has taken a long time to get him a diagnosis and the support he needs and in the meantime it has been hard and I know my mental health has declined to the point every time my 'phone rings my heart pounds , I shake etc (at one point school were calling several times a day) .
My partner works away a lot of the time and to be honest he doesn't really 'get' it . Anything to do with the house , children , finances , pets etc is 'my' domain - he has very little interest unless something goes wrong then it's my fault . I know this won't change . He has his own demons too .

So .....our house is quite old and recently we had a new heating system installed as the old one was ancient . I was happy about this initially . During the really cold weather it stopped working . The company who installed it sent someone out and (common problem I believe) said that the lads who had done the wirk forgot to lag the pipes to and from the boiler and they had frozen . As the boiler is in the loft it is cold . Anyway , they sorted it .

But since then I can't stop checking on it . I'm obsessed with the idea it could explode/break/ leak gas etc to the point I have swapped bedrooms with my daughters (whose bedroom was below it) . I have had two different engineers out to check it who have both told me it is safe .

Reading this back I guess you don't need to be a psychiatrist to see that the real issue isn't the boiler , it's my irrational fears . And there are times when I 'get' this and feel liberated . And then the fears come back again and off I go ! It's like mental torture and I am tired of living like this .
I know I am lucky - I have lovely kids , a couple of really good friends (who live far away however due to us moving away for my partner's work , same as my parents) . But I can't discuss this with them as it just goes on and on .

Thank you if you have read this far . If anyone has any advice I would be so grateful . Just writing this down has helped I think .

Hi OP, no judgement here! I have had OCD from as long as I can remember..about 32 years. Mine manifests itself as compulsive checking (hair straighteners, oven, iron..) as well as rituals (tapping toe on floor to make sure family are safe etc). It is exhausting and I have tried CBT and anti anxiety medication throughout my life with little success. That’s not to say it wouldn’t work for you though! I have just learned to accept it as something that will always be with me in one form or another.
But you are not alone in this at all, and don’t think for a second you are crazy! Anxiety shows itself in different forms. Best wishes x

Thank you xxx

Definitely not alone.
I have had various therapies and have a “toolkit” of strategies that help me. It’s a journey rather than a quick fix.
Medication has helped me though. It’s about you finding what works for you.
First thing I’d say would be GP. Then try meditation- ten mins a day, Headspace app, it can’t hurt to try it and it’s free to begin with.
If writing it down helps keep posting here. Lots of us are in the same boat.

Not judging here either. You are suffering, and I'm sorry for that. It's torturous.

I'm guessing you know the things that are commonly held to be useful for OCD/obsessive anxieties? CBT, exposure therapy, meds etc? Have you tried these?

Also, have you tried trying to learn how to relax? Sounds too simple, but it can really help over time to calm your brain down and dampen down the systems that run the anxiety/obsessive cycle, and strengthen the brain areas/systems that put us into rest and relax. Have you ever tried meditation? Or hypnotherapy? A good hypnotherapist could help you with this, and give you recordings you could listen to every day to relax and switch off the obsessive thoughts. You might also find you could learn techniques which could help your eldest, if they suffer with anxiety.

Sorry to hear you are struggling.

I think the difficulty with checking is that it only reassures us for a second, and our brains sort of start to associate the obsessive checking with keeping us safe.

What has helped me is to really 'be present' when I am checking - so if I was locking the door, as I left my flat, I would breathe deeply and really concentrate on the act of closing the door, inserting the key, hearing the lock click, and then putting the key in my pocket. This gave me a clear memory of the action so I felt less likely to need to turn around halfway down the stairs and recheck the door. If my worries start to spiral I have practised saying a firm NO (in my head, not aloud) and refocusing on something else. I still struggle but I feel more in control.

It sounds like you have a lot of responsibility and not a huge amount of support from your partner; I wonder if this is part of the anxiety you feel. I'm sure your friends would be sympathetic if you shared this with them. It doesn't sound crazy at all, but it does sound as if you need help and support in order to be happier.

Excellent advice from tiny about being present when eg locking up, and then refusing to recheck. It will be v v v uncomfortable at first, but if you can go with it, you will see a big change over the medium term.

Have you got a carbon monoxide detector OP. Can you take comfort knowing it would detect a leak. Im sure it was the freezing weather that caused the breakdown. Is your G.P supportive?

Hi OP - I have quite severe OCD but mine is more intrusive thought based about the health of my son - I can't stop these bloody thoughts in my head. I don't do any rituals (used to as a kid) and as I've got older it's manifested into just being unable to turn my inner voice off. It's got significantly worse since having my DS 18 months ago :-( no advice as I'm in a similar predicament (DH doesn't understand, source of much friction) but I wanted you to know I get it x

Been there, done that - big hugs. Have you seen your GP about this? I put off doing so for ages, and wish I hadn't. Medication really helped. Also it sounds like your anxiety has come about from having a shed-ton of anxious-making things to deal with, and your brain is still stuck in that place. Talking therapy might really help too

Hi there
I put a carbon monoxide detector up there the day they fitted the boiler . And there's one on the upstairs landing . And just outside the kitchen . I know 😅😘

Thank you everyone for responding . Not that I want anyone else to suffer , but just knowing I'm not alone in this helps .

I'm not drip feeding but I do think that a part of it is knowing their is no safety net . If I forget something or mess something up then that's it .
I'm not a princess and I don't need rescuing but I am somewhat alone .
Thank you for all the kind and supportive comments xxx

*there

i have suffered from obsessive checking (my body, health anxiety related) and Sertraline has really helped me. i can check once or twice now compared to over 50’times a day. have you considered medication?

I think I need to open my mind to the idea of medication , yes . I've resisted up 'til now but I think I need to try something .

Medication is definitely worth considering. Think of it this way - you wouldn't hesitate to take medication for diabetes or asthma, and this is no different.

Thank you for your comments JamPasty - you are right . I have always resisted as I need to stay focused , particularly in regard to my son whose needs are quite demanding , and I worry that medication might muddy my thoughts iyswim .
But I get myself into such a state , especially recently , that I have to open myself up to new avenues to explore regarding my mental health .

OP, you say you have a DS who is undergoing an ASD diagnosis, do you think that perhaps the same condition could be causing your own anxiety/OCD? (I've read a fair bit about this due to suspecting that I/DH/DS have ASD).

Hi ShackUp . My son was diagnosed last year as having Aspergers and ADHD .

Hand on heart I don't think I am on the autistic spectrum , no (and I really have thought about this a great deal) . The anxiety part (which I see so much in my son) is definitely there with me , and I do like order and structure but there are so many other aspects of ASD that I don't see in myself .

I do think that in fighting to get my son the support he needs (and still fighting !) it has broken me somewhat . And dealing with my son's behaviours pretty much on my own .

Ironically from all of the reading I have done , courses , meeting other parents and adults on the autistic spectrum I do believe my partner is there somewhere . It would explain so much x

OP

I can only speak for myself of course, but for me, medication hasn't changed me at all, it's just taken away the insane levels of anxiety. It's so weird - I can look at the things that used to worry me, and wonder how on earth I was so bothered by them.

Can I ask you JamPasty what medication you take ?

and can I have some ?----

I have bitten the bullet and arranged to see a counsellor on Friday . Will also be making an appointment to see my GP .

Please go see your doctor. OCD is a horrendous illness to have and there are many things the medical world can do. I suffered terribly when I was younger and the thought that others are going through it brings me to tears because it is so awful.

Good luck x

How's it going OP? Did you get to see the counsellor and the gp? Medication really can help and, certainly for me, I now feel like me again and look back and think 'who was that other woman?'. It takes a few weeks to help but it is worth powering through. Good luck.