Had enough

[Rubanose]

I have name changed .
I am sick of the depression, hurting inside,hating myself,who i am,who i have become.I am so very very lonely ,the one friend i had left also seems to have abandoned me,i don't know what i do to people,i don't put on them or burden them,i just want someone to be my friend ,be there for me,think about me.
I'm just not cut out for coping with life very well.
I cry in bed and wish for someone to help me.
The rational side of me says that i'm just having another down day, i'm growing very weary of hurting and feeling frightened .

Once i actually drag myself to bed i sleep ok although lightly,i just don't get enough.
I have had problems in the past though.

Well, I know you won't want advice but mine is:

Relax before bed
Don't stay up too late or drink alcohol/caffeine before bed
Exercise during the day to increase seratonin levels

Erm...eat masses of chocolate! I manage that one and now need to lose 3 stone!

Recycling this thread because i still feel the same.
I feel the most overwhelming sense of loneliness most of the time,worse at night.
Even when in the company of dp and family i feel lonely.I am absolutely terrified of anything happening to my parents in the futureand despite having dp and 2 fabulous children i know i wont cope without them so know my life is over when they go.
I cry silently at night about it.
It is the loneliness that kills me.

Off to bed for some peace have to be up for school run

Rubanose - just to let you know that I had very severe depresion (suicidal many times) for some years. In the end, I did get help from my gp and counselling, and started to look after myself (walks, nice things to do) and I have never had depression since. It is possible. You can do it too.

Honestly, things can be much better for you. The first step is to reach out and ask for help. No-one will judge you for asking for help. Please talk to your gp first.

And as for your friends, please reach out to them too. They are probably wondering why you have gone quiet on them. Talk to them, about anything. Tell them why you have withdrawn. I am sure they will understand, and it all helps.

Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before reaching out. Do you feel that now is the right time? You have a lot to look forward to, honestly, you have.

Thanks for taking time to reply

The GP knows all about how i feel as i have been depressed for so many years.I refuse to take ad's anymore because they dont work and i have had CBT in the past which i waited well over a year for and it was crap.The Gp referred me back about 4 months ago on my request and i got a letter to say there was no appointments and to see my Gp if i got worse.Complete waste of time and energy really.
I try to take regular exercise ,i dont drink and i eat well apart from the odd chocolate binge.
I would tell my friends but they dont ever call me and i am sick of calling them all the time.They never seem to think about me or how i am.

I think if you look at people and think "they look nice", then you must be a lovely person. I know people who are so self-absorbed that they think the people around them are beneath them.
I think the mistake you are making is thinking that other people-a friend- can make you happier, but they cant. It works the opposite way. You have to make yourself happy first. Do the things you enjoy by yourself as a a start, whether its swimming or walking or reading, hobbies or whatever. Friends are like men: when youre not looking for them they turn up! This is because the vibes we give out when we are happier are different.
I dont say any of this flippantly. I have desparate depressions where I canT get out of bed all day. But with regard to friends in particular I think loads and loads of people have been in your position.

Thanks Sakura you make sense i guess