When getting up in the morning seems like a marathon?
When you dont answer the phone because you don't feel able to talk even if you know who it is?
When you just can't feel anything anymore? - not sympathy, not fear,not hate,not anger, not happiness or sadness... just numb?
When you lose all interest in your surroundings and you're just past caring that the sink is overflowing or the washing hasn't been done or that the livingroom looks like its been hit by a bomb?
When you feel sort of sick and on the verge of tears the whole time?
When doing even the simplist things seem like an effort?
When there seems no point in washing or showering?
When the thngs you do do - those necessary things are on autopilot - bath children, make food... almost like someone else is doing them..
When you comfort eat and put on a stone and a half in less than 3 months and don't seem able to stop
When you dn't want to go anywhere in case you have to talk to someone
When you think about killing yoruself but summoning up the energy to do anythng about it seems beyond you
When you feel as I do all those things at once... or don't feel them... or don't do them...
I'm so tired. There's a situation hitting our family that's been going on for 3 years. We can't do anything about it except wait and wait for other people because its so far out of our control. depending on what they do it could get far far better for indescribably worse... and I can't talk about what it is and I feel so alone and so useless and terrible mother and a shit partner and can't even confront the person behind all of this because it would make it worse....
and I don't know what to do anymoreand I'vehad enough and I'm breaking