To have my DS adopted because of my MH?

[Wiseoldhoots]

I know I need help but it feels impossible!

I am on medication which I take religiously but it seems it's never long term happiness.

I've also been diagnosed with BPD & it's knocked me hugely.

Birthday today, was so so excited for it, sounds silly but last year wasn't great so really put a lot into this one. Had so much planned all week.

Well, it went to fucking shit. I've cut everyone close to me out, it's pushed me over the edge.

I'm a crying mess on the sofa realising my DS deserves a mother who's mentally stable who doesn't let small trivial things get to her.

I just want to die

Sorry I took so long to reply. I went to bed very early last night.

I don't feel much better upon waking.

I haven't had a bad day & thought "oh I know il have my kid adopted", I simply look at him a LOT & think "am I being selfish by keeping him with me? Will I cause more harm emotionally? Will he hate me for keeping him when he's older?".

I made an appointment to see the doc about different/added meds not only for depression but also my BPD but I read a story about a girl having her children forcibly removed because she sought help.

I help my family/friends so so much yet I'm always the one left behind.

How old is your Ds?

And can you think of what support may be helpful? I think that if you go in showing you’ve given some thought in to what support you may need it shows you are serious and should work in your favour.

How are you feeling now?

D but I read a story about a girl having her children forcibly removed because she sought help

But this statement doesn’t make any sense in the context of what you’re proposing OP. You’re on about giving up your child because if you’re mental health but then don’t want to take steps to help yourself in case your child is taken away.

Are you saying you don’t really want to give your child up then? Wouldn’t it be better to take the risk and get the help you need rather than just go for the nuclear option and regret it later?

I have this sometimes when I am depressed and go through the whole "maybe I should have never had kids, I am a terrible mother because of x, y and z"

But my kids are well looked after and cared for. I am juggling a lot, and my MH is part of that, and sometimes it means a medication adjustment or a round of counselling (or taking a nap sometimes)

Don't beat yourself up, and don't let a few bad days convince you into a life changing decision like that. If it is something which you are still sure of months down the line then that is different, but otherwise it is probably part of your BPD.

I have literally cried so many times because I am failing or have failed my children because they're not on child genius and didn't start violin lessons at age 3, or with the first because I was a single parent, or with the second I was rowing with his Dad. But honestly, we are all doing our best.

I am sure with some support things might be a little easier and you will see that you are a good Mum and you love your son and he loves you. Nobody is perfect, and adoption is never an easy process so I would consider that.

No gamerchick it doesn't make any sense at all.

Sometimes it's easier to decide to willingly give my DS up than have him forcibly removed from my care. In effect I feel I have control of the situation.

My DS is 11 months. He's still a baby baby. Very young. I cried today because I knew I couldn't ever say goodbye to him.

That I need him as much as he needs me.

I don't want to feel like this anymore

@Wiseoldhoots

You really shouldn't be afraid to ask for help. SS won't simply swoop in and take your DS off you. I have complex PTSD as a result of childhood SA, and I've had SS involvement, partly because they were already on the radar because my DDs are adopted. They were under a Child Protection Plan, but they're not anymore.

You're obviously a loving mum and your DS has a strong attachment to you. I'm raising adopted DDs, one of whom has Attachment Disorder. A lot of children who are adopted have that, even if placed in loving forever families.

We wouldn't be without them, and they have bonded with us. But the damage doesn't just go away, which is why children should never be removed from the bio mum unless there really is no alternative.

There is support out there if you ask for help.

Thank you Lizzie, I saw my MH therapist today who is referring me to have intensive therapy for Emotional Intensity Disorder.

I am seeing this doctor on Monday to see if there are alternatives to medication I can take as I am currently on Fluoxetine.

I adore my DS, I couldn't imagine having to sit down with him in 20 years to explain why I gave him up. I'd never want to put him through that.

I hope you’re feeling a bit more positive today op