Going into motherhood knowing you struggle with mental health?

[BellaLDN]

Does anyone here suffer from depression, anxiety, social anxiety or at times acrophobia?
I’m wanting to find out how you decided to go into motherhood knowing you suffered from these and how you’ve coped since.
Fellow sufferer.
And where some say it would greatly benefit me to have my first child for the certain problems I suffer from. And that I wouldn come into my own. I cannot get away from the worry of it. Will I cope?
I’m early 30s. And will be going into motherhood alone now I am financially able to.
Thank you x

I suffer from anxiety on and off, and weirdly, motherhood has been one of my least anxious times. Sure, I worry about the stuff that mums worry about, but it all feels 'normal'. The crippling, physical anxiety just isn't there. I feel in charge, and on top of stuff and I love being a mum.

I just wanted to give you a positive perspective.

(I'm going back to work soon and worry that it might be a different story, but that's just me!).

going to lie, it's tough sometimes. Especially during the pregnancies when I had to lower my meds, and after birth when I struggled with BF (I'd recommend not doing it, so you can re-adjust your meds or go back on them ASAP).

Despite the struggles, it's still the best thing I've ever done.

However, make sure you have support, a good doctor and are self aware so you know when you're struggling and can get help.

Hope that helps.

*Not going to lie. LOL.

Also sorry wanted to share an example of how some of my mental health problems affect my day to day life.
I specifically work freelance and self employed and mostly from home. This has helped me to be extremely anti social when I felt I couldn’t ‘face people’. I enjoy going to my favourite exercise class and that is the most socialising I do apart from some work commitments I HAVE to do and close friends I spend time with. But my therapist has said there’s something called the body double effect. Where if you have someone with you to do things it is easier to break out of your pattern of staying inside, alone, and finding excuses not to go out and do certain things. It’s true. My dog forces me to go out and get fresh air and have constant work breaks. And I would love nothing more to, if I was a mother, go for a walk in the park. Join baby classes and make new friends and have someone (baby) to do things with. So I believe maybe it could break me out of the social anxiety I have kept myself comfortable in at home because I’ll have a reason to get out more and come out of that pattern. Does that make sense?

Honestly OP, that doesn't sound like a good reason to have a baby. You can't use them as a crutch to break your social anxiety, it might not work that way. What does your therapist say about your plan?

My issues shifted to just general anxiety. All my - what I would class - as a bit more serious mental health issues disappeared with pregnancy. I just feel like an over cautious mum now. However, the social anxiety side is still there, I'd love nothing more than to stay in my house with my baby, but having the baby does push me a bit more, I've been to a few classes etc.

You really shouldn't have a baby, your mental health will not improve with a baby. It is not all going for walks and baby classes, it can be incredibly isolating, exhausting and mentally draining.
Do you have a partner? Any family or local support?
A baby isn't going to fix your issues.

There's no reason at all to suppose a baby would "force" you to confront and master your fears and anxieties; it can be a tough time even for people who are mentally well and have tons of support.
You seem to have misinterpreted what your therapist said.

@TheHulksPurplePants perhaps worded wrong. When I detailed my worries of how social anxiety can affect day to day life as my life is now and I didn’t think it would be ideal if I was to become a mother. Therapist came in with a different point of view that she feels it could improve my situation. The way you have someone to care for and want to go out and do everything for them. My life would be centred around said child and many of the situations I have created. For example working from home not having much interaction with others. Would fall by the wasteside. As life would have a new structure. And that she believes I shouldn’t totally hold off on motherhood for those reasons and fears..

I suffer from depression, anxiety and I'm probably a little agoraphobic too. I'm a Mum and pregnant with my second. Some days are better than others, but it is a day by day process. I couldn't do it without my partner.

I still think you're putting a positive spin on her words to suit yourself, op, sorry. There's no way she will have actually advised you to go ahead as it could "improve" your situation.

BellaLDN ok, that's much clearer! I do think it depends though. Like a PP said, motherhood, especially single-motherhood, can be very lonely and isolating. I think those of us with depression/anxiety need to be just that little bit more aware of our actions and our emotions, and we need a strong support network.

I hear you. Though I’ve been through a terribly isolating sleepless sad two years nursing my mother through cancer so I don’t have any whimsical image of motherhood. I know what it entails and knowing full well it will entail that and much more. I was just going through my deepest worries of aspects of my mental health with her (therapist) and she was trying to give me reasons that maybe all my worries are at times just worst case scenarios.

Can I ask why you've decided to have a child alone? You're only in your early 30's so you have time to meet a partner?

I havnt suffered from the issues you listed specifically so I hope I am still okay to post. My main mental health problem were OCD and anorexia though I think anxiety and depression to some extent also come with those conditions.
Definately having children has given me something to force myself to be better for, you really can't make exuses anymore. I'd had years of the all the therapy and treatment available and none of it had made the slightest bit of difference because I didnt want it to get better. Seeing that first positive pregnancy test gave me something to need to get better for, I want my child to have the best life and that wouldnt be having the old me as a mother. Also my husband is an alcholic and he hasnt had a drink since I was pregnant 10 years ago, there was no reason for him to stop before we had dd. The only downside was worrying about how destructive and dangerous our lifes were and not wanting to subject a child to our mental health problems but if anything that is all the more reason for you want to get better.
I think many people recommend getting a pet to help give you seo
mething to focus on and get better for and although I dont think anyone would recomend you have a child for that reason, it will have the same if not stronger effect. Although dont think of it as having a child to make you better, you will be getting better for your child.

i have had two long term relationships. I’ve persevered. I did look. But I have low fertility. But with that and experiencing first hand what having children with the wrong partner can do to a child and their childhood. The battling parents. The divorce. The father not wanting to being commited to his children. The disappointment, rejection hurt etc.
There are some good eggs out there, some friends have great partners. But I don’t want to feel rushed to have children with anyone. It would be a mistake. It’s a lifelong commitment and unfair on the child to have the wrong father in their life. It’s 2018 and luckily we have choices. But this is not something I want to discuss further on as I’ll open a SMBC thread later if that’s okay. But I understand your asking.
I have supporting friends and what’s remaining of my family. I have put some money to the side to get some extra help if need be so I’m not alone. I just wanted to see if others had fears when thinking to go into it.

Thanks for sharing. I may have worded things incorrectly. Exactly as you said in your last line. It is not the thinking a child will make me a better person for my mental health downsides. But I will being everything in my power to overcome these issues to be a better person for my child.

@upsideup

My anxiety has got much worse since having DD. It was especially bad when she was a baby and she didn't sleep. Anxiety plus no sleep is truly awful and I dread to think what would have become of us if I was on my own with her.

My DD is six now and all sorts of old anxieties I've not had for years have resurfaced.

Also just the day to day stress of noise gets me.

Sorry, I didn't mean to pry, I totally respect your decision.

I just wanted to see if others had fears when thinking to go into it

Honestly I think it would be worrying if you DIDN'T have fears going into it, regardless of your metal health. Yes, I absolutely had fears, still do, but so far so good.

That's not really how mental health works though. Having a child will give you a million other things to worry about plus no sleep, and no free time. So where does the time and energy to overcome your issues come from? You would have other things to think about.

I've made a decision not to have any more children, mainly because I don't think it would be fair.

Motherhood made my MH so much worse. Going to baby classes! ha! I didn’t leave the house house for 8 month, literally. The anxiety around having to deal with crying baby , feeding it , changing it , when out and about was just too much. I ended up hallucinating due to lack of sleep. By far one of the worst decisions I ever made was to have a child.

I would be really very surprised to hear about someone with social anxiety going to baby classes and coming out feeling better.

But I will being everything in my power to overcome these issues to be a better person for my child

Yeah, it usually doesn’t just happen like that. No parent with MH issues wants to be shit, we all want to do better.