Cannot cope with my baby

[Someonehelpmi]

DS is not even a week old and I already can't cope. He sleeps all day and spends the entire night crying. We've spoken to midwife/hv/doctor we just get told the same everytime. I make sure he's dry fed and burped but he only falls asleep in my arms. He cried for 8 hours straight last night, my relationship is starting to suffer and I just want to launch myself out the window. I can't cope with months more of this. Im exhausted and feel hopeless. Why/how do people do this

I used to put DD in her Moses basket during the day next to me on the floor next to our sofa, and just doze most of the day whilst she slept. I hated visitors in those early days especially when they said things like “ooh she’s asleep now she’ll keep you up all night!” When I hadn’t slept the night before and them being there prevented me sleeping when she did!
I know everyone says it but this period is so brief. Me and DH said this the other day, those sleepless nights are over so quickly. But it feels like eternity when you are in them.
Sending you lots of support, you aren’t a bad mother at all! I’ve not said this to anyone (not even DH) because I banged on so much about wanting a baby, I thought if I then said anything negative people would judge me, but honestly, the first ten days I did ask myself “what have I done. My marriage is ruined! I hate my husband!” I promise, promise, you will get through it. DD is 14 weeks old now and I love DH again.
Everything is so raw in those early weeks and you also throw sleep deprivation and a kind of resentment because the baby only wants you in to the mix and of course it will feel like your relationship is up the shitter! But it honestly does get better. If you need to rant please feel free to PM I had a friend with a newborn the same time as me and we would text all night when our bastard partners slept basically just moaning but it meant we didn’t moan at our partners!
Xxx

PS my daughter had reflux so second what others say maybe worth checking? She wasn’t diagnosed til a few weeks ago! X

Swaddling save us when my dd was newborn. We got the swaddle with Velcro, dead easy and made the world of difference. Hope things get better soon xxx

Look up the blissful baby sleep expert. She's very good. She has a book out but also puts lots of tips on her instagram

@dribbly have tried all health care professionals but everyone just says he's fine and nothing wrong with him :( even more frustrating after a high risk pregnancy the after care has been shocking!

@tick no he knows sex is off the cards I think he just means being able to even lie together even just cuddle. Told him though it won't last forever! Thank you for the congratulations though, as exhausting as it is I look at him sleeping or just looking at me generally and my heart melts. I know it will be worth it.

@namechange this is what I find frustrating as I've tried every suggestion lkke swaddling and things but nothing works. I will speak to health visitor or doctor again but we always get palmed off and no-one will speak to us/just say it's normal.

@autumnl bathing isn't an option for me ubfortunatley because of epilepsy but will suggest to partner

@hazandduck your post made me feel a bit better, thank you! All I'm able to do now is just take it a day at a time and keep reminding myself it won't last forever. I have had moment just sat there thinking what the hell have I done, then I feel so guilty! I have a friend who has a little one a bit older than mine but we are constantly chatting about it. I will look up reflux aswell as alot of people seem to be mentioning that one x

please do not call yourself a crap mother. It sounds like you are doing a fab job and these first few weeks with a newborn are really trying. But as others have said, things do get easier, and yes there will be days where you question your ability and there will be other days where you feel like supermum.

Wanting to be held all the time is just normal newborn stuff. We have just reached 3 months and mine is still super clingy, but I breastfeed and it's a bit different.

Could she also be colicky? We have a super colicky baby and found it was worse with formula. My DD really struggles to digest dairy without getting bad stomach ache. Newborns also have to learn to pass wind and some babies have a harder time than others doing that. Have you tried tiger in the tree pose whilst gently rocking? Babies tend to love that. I'm sorry if this is zero help, but take it an hour at a time.

Are you winding him enough during the day? Make sure he’s getting a few burps up after every feed

Try putting colief in his bottles. You can buy it from the chemist/ it breaks the enzymes down in the milk and it makes it easier for them to digest

Are you using anti colic bottles? If not think about buying some

The newborn stage is so hard. When I think back to when my baby was just born I feel sick. I was on my own from the day I got out of hospital and I also have a 6 year old so had to rush about in the morning getting her to school after multiple night feeds. I was a walking zombie for the first couple of months she cried all day I couldn't put her down. She hated her bouncy chair, she hated being put in her pram. She would settle at night in her moses basket but was up every 3/4 hours for a feed so I didn't get much sleep. I suffer from sleep paralysis which is brought on when I'm stressed or overtired. Everytime I closed my eyes I would get it to the point of hallucinating. I posted on here in tears one night and read all the posts saying it's not forever, it gets better etc and thought that's not helpful! But it was so true as the weeks went on she got better and better. By the time she was 3 months I felt human again. She's 9 months now and I couldn't ask for better but everytime I think back to those first few weeks I don't know how I coped. You're not a crap mother or you wouldn't have posted on here asking for advice. I hope things get better for you soon.

@cheesecake thank you! He may be colicky I'm trying to get a GP appointment as the health visitors and triage don't really help I'm taking it a day at a time at the moment and that's helping me a bit. What is the tiger in a tree pose? God knows how people do this alone!

@quiteIikely im winding him half way through and then after every feed. Went out and bought lots of anti colic bottles yesterday and has improved a little bit.

@whycantithinkofaname thank you so much, everyone keeps saying it gets better, I'm just taking it a day at a time and reminding myself he's not even a week old so I can't expect perfection. Your story is inspiring though I have a new massive respect for people who do it alone and alone with another little one. It takes alot if strength to do that

Someonehelpmi thank you that's really lovely of you to say. Notice you mention you think he might have colic, the turning point for me was when I started using Dentinox. I'm not sure if it was just a coincidence but Infacol, gripe water and Dr Brown bottles didn't make a difference. One day of using Dentinox and it was like someone flicked a switch. Worth a shot!

How are you feeling, OP? Xxx

Don't write off a cmpa op. My oldest was misdiagnosed for months by the gp and actually had an horrific allergy.
Music was a good soother for all three of mine. iPod on and a slow dance around the house got them all to sleep. The script, Sia and queen were particular favourites

Hope it gets better for you soon. I'd persist at the docs though, it shouldn't be that bad (coming from someone who's babies hates being babies )

Hey everyone, feeling a little better now, he sleeps for about 2 hours before waking for a feed, just have to make sure he gets enough otherwise he wakes up hungry! He wasn't a very windy baby but we used infacol and it seems to have helped a bit? Also playing womb sounds as he's going to sleep helps alot still finding it hard but slowly we are adjusting.

@N2986 what's cmpa?? Haven't registered his birth yet so still waiting on GP seeing health visitor next week though

CMPA = cow’s milk protein allergy

I just wanted to say OP that I have no advice re colic, fortunately that bypassed mine, but that you are doing so well.
Also, to say that having a newborn is shit, it wrecks relationships, it is totally consuming and normal to thing WTF have I done!
It is also normal for babies to scream a lot, for hours, as a PP said, from that fear of being 'in the world'.
Not going to offer advice as I have none. But just to say it will pass xxx