Paranoid delusions

[Bhj]

Hi. I’ve posted a few times about my psychosis. I’ve been on my fourth anti psychotic, amisulpride 400g for about a month now, no improvement in thoughts. Can anyone tell me an anti psychotic that worked for them where others have failed. Thanks.

I was a fitness finatic before
I became “ill”. I’d swim, walk
Do zumba throughout the week or at home. The aerobics instructor today
Told me off lots
Because I wasn’t doing things right.

Bhj, that's mean of the instructor. I've never been brave enough for Zumba, too clumsy. I'd like to do a dance class one day, I've recently started listening to swing music, after listening to some avont gaurd diabolo swing orchestra (swing metal). I think that would be fun but I'd feel really unfit and uncoordinated as the class would probably have people in their 80s. My sister got really into ceihlehs recently (traditional Scottish music). My dancing talent doesn't go beyond bobbing and maybe jumping and waving my arms around if I've had a few drinks. Allthough I only have been clubbing a few of times, was never my thing.

I use to love clubbing in my late teens and early twenties. Same as you I just used to jump and wave my arms around. I’m going to try aerobics again next week and if I’m still being shouted at for doing things wrong I think I’ll have to find another class to go to. I’ve never come across an instructor like her before. I felt like I was at boot camp.

She sounds a bit like one of my pe teachers. She was obessesed with tactics even managed to take the fun out of dodgeball. I'm mildly dyspraxic, diagnosed in my 20s during my dyslexia assessment at university. I'd not come across that term before, my handwriting was my main problem at school. It basically means uncoordinated and socially awkward, my hand eye coordination is terrible. But I'm not as dyspraxic as other people in my family.

That must of been really frustrating for you growing up if you weren’t diagnosed till an adult. How are you finding not being at work?

My delusions flared up again yesterday, as usual revolving around medications and food. Want to come off all my meds as I feel they are making me ill and that food and drink is not necessary just commercial control by big industries and am convinced I want to be a Breatharian :(

Sorry to hear your delusions are back but it’s a good sign u recognize
It in the early stages. Do you have support around you where you can talk through how you’re feeling at the moment? What medication are you taking?

Thanks bhj. Was not that frustrating as my mum and teachers knew, I just wasn't in a good special needs school and resisted a diagnosis because I didn't struggle with schoolwork so didn't want the stigma.. Which still existed at university level ('people only get a diagnosis for the free stuff and it's unfair they get extra time and a laptop') I got very stressed about essay writing at school under exam conditions but got OK results. After my assessment and get support I actually occasionally enjoyed writing essays by the end. I think simular thoughts about food, esspesally artificial sweatners in juice drinks, I'd prefer sugar but realise that's not very rational, allthough I do all fizzy drinks except lemonade and cheap supermarket brands (mostly water). Also getting a dry mouth side effect so need to just drink more water rather than soft drinks, juice and coffee.

I'm quite well at present now but sometimes I wonder is it because of it is it in spite of using the medications?

I'm not going to stop taking them but I just wonder sometimes.

I know what you mean. I’m going to give the clozapine a good try but if it doesn’t work for me I don’t think I’d be so willing to try others as this is the 4th try. It just seems pointless to keep taking them when they’re having no effect and I’ve got to suffer the side effects.

I'm really unsure about increasing my dose. The doctors want me to to prevent postnatal psychosis... But currently the only symptom I think I might have is a dry mouth. And I'm off work so can focus more on my wellbeing now. I was reluctant in the meeting but am nervous about ss if I don't comply. Also my husband does not want me to increase and right now I think he does have a right to be a part of the desion making process... I've dropped the dose recently, not good, husband said I was psychotic but I can't remember... so I know an increase is a big desion. As one professional said the doubt and unplannedness is not good for my anxiety. I do want to go up as I think it's good for my sleep and mood but... Not yet. Got another psycatric meeting on Friday then next week I'm meeting the health visitor and seeing the midwife. Should probably follow medical advice before seeing the midwife as she makes notes... Just seeing a mental health team makes me a bit paranoid, I know they are there to support me but keep thinking they are trying to catch me out...

Didn't help that I googled Northern lights a while back looking for a book review only to find out its a strong psychosis causing strain of cannibis. Set off paranoia about ai, Google and filter bubbles...thinking its a conspiracy to make me psychotic. And now I can't even start to read Philip pullmans new book, I've been looking forward to for ages, keep looking at it but can't get past the first page....

I’d take on board what the medical team say to you then you can weigh up the pros and cons of whether to go on a higher dose. Not easy when your paranoid about the people that are trying to help you.

Name change... I explained above. Thanks bhj. I'm always having arguments with myself as I'm a very logical person really. Doctor said to increase sometime in the next month, by the time of my consultant review. I feel OK today, slept well but pretty incapable of doing housework, something that's causing issues in my relationship with my husband.. It's really warm and sunny though... I'll have a rest then try again after my siesta. Been shopping for a few bits this morning and feel like that's enough.

The housework always suffers when I’m not feeling good.i manage to do the essentials such as washing dishes, hoovering, washing clothes and ironing. But giving the kitchen and bathroom a good clean doesn’t happen as often as it should. Where I’m too afraid to stay home on my own all day I’ve got to do it all after 4 when that’s the time most people are unwinding for the day. My mental health team are really good, they said they’re not concerned that there’s dishes in the sink as it shows the kids are being fed and piles of clean clothes laying around shows the kids clothes are being washed.

I did just feel lazy and resentful today. Increaed the dose today. Cleaning just feels pointless when we are moving house soon anyway. I did the dishes and packed up some pre pregnacy clothes but not much else. but..no kids in the house so it doesn't matter yet, I'll enjoy my lack of responsibility when I can. first home visit - by a health visitor isn't until tuesday. I'll do the housework and get all the detectors checked by then as I have a feeling the smoke detector is broken... it was just too hot today.

It’s nice to have a bit of sunshine but I don’t cope well when it’s too hot. I just want to sit and enjoy the sun rather than do housework in it. Going to sit in my friends garden today.

Sounds like a good day. My friends all work, so I'm going to stick to my own garden and ... Um.... Write a to do list. I am so lucky to have a lovely big garden, rent is expensive and we are moving soon. Its an old property, a lovely big place to live in the summer, too cold and the plumbing is dodgy in the winter and it's really far from town and friends, not too bad though as we. Have lovely countryside, some shops and a cinema walking distance. I can't wait to move house, our first home wedding are goto own and it's better and a lot cheaper monthly. I do feel guilty that my. Parents are richer than friends parents so can give us a deposit... Allthough everyone seems happy, I worry I come across as bragging when I'm feeling manic (never been diagnosed as manic but I've done my own research and have a friend with bipolar, I believe manic sits somewhere between hyper and psychotic and relating to lack of sleep and I definitely have sleep problems.) When talking to a psychiatrist I asked if he thought I was manic and he pretty much said not quite.

we are going to not wedding...

That’s good you’ll have the security of buying your own home. We rent at the moment but are thinking about buying as we have a boy and a girl and because of big age gap they can’t really share a room
So youngest is still in our room at the moment.its been 25
Degrees here today. Was nice sitting in my friends garden but had to go inside every 20 minutes to cool down before our again as I burn easily.

Thanks, hope you find a place to buy soon, when I was little my parents had 3 girls quite close in age in a tiny house before they moved countries into a huge semi. We still all slept together on mattresses in the attick. that's why my mum was quite pushy to get us buying as she knows it's harder when you have kids. I was a bit jealous that my younger brother had his own room before me but he needed it. He also had his own tent when we went camping and us 3 sisters squeezed into one. Must be hard sharing a room with your child when you know they are too old. It was too hot for me too. I didn't do much and suddenly my husband is back from work. Fortunately he was happy enough to have leftover sausages and crumpets. He at first wanted either a hot cooked meal or a takeaway. I said I'd only make salad, but would need to shop first. I also got some mild ezsma, I think from peanut butter that I noticed when I was applying suncream... Husband told me it was sunburn... I know the difference, its itchy and a small patch under my chin... severe asthma and allergies run in my family, its just like the rash my mum regularly has. Both me and my sister get a tickly throat from peanuts, current medical advice is that nuts are good in pregnancy but the evidence is contradictory. Egg allergies run in my family and there is new research that shows eating oily fish twice a week reduces the risk of egg allergies... We have no oily fish in the house. I ate I whole tin of tuna the other day then read it can contain murcury so best eaten in moderation. This is what happens when I have too much free time. I have a allergenic, scientific family, my aunt did biomedicine, wanted to do medical animal testing but was allergic to the animals so edits scientific journals, so she's my mums go to drug expert...

I’m lucky I don’t have any allergies but I’ve had a cough for 2 weeks now which keeps waking me up early hours of the morning and takes ages to subside. That must be handy having a drug expert in the family.

It is handy - better than Google! I had the whopping cough vaccine this week too so panic a little every time I cough, often after laughing and I can't breathe until I concentrate. I'm signed up to some nct courses but I think I'll be a pro at relaxation techniques before it starts. Be good to meet some local pregnant people though. I'm not suffering with allergies but probably have very mild hay fever.

It will be good for you to meet other women at the groups. You can feel quite isolated after having a baby so it’s good to know people in the same position, you can support each other.

So an update on side effects of clozapine. They believe it has made me very constipated. Have been given senna tablets, lactolose and cosmocol sachets which I took for a couple of weeks but stopped 4 days ago because I thought it was making me go the other way so diarreah and leaking during the day, have had to wear pads every day and night. The doctor has just rang me and said she believes I am so constipated that only the stringy poo is getting past the blockage and has advised me to take the max dose of all laxatives over the weekend and if there no improvement or I get really bad tummy pain or start vomiting then to call 111 over weekend and I may need to have an enima 😞 sorry if too much information.