Anyone have specific anxiety about using the telephone?

[WaxOnFeckOff]

This is becoming an issue for me. I'm in my 50s and it's probably always been simmering underneath, i'm suddenly finding it's impacting on me.

I'm fine with answering a call, but i'm struggling to make them. Even for stupid stuff like making a hair appointment or booking a table for a meal. A friend called me today about a meet up this weekend and at the end of the call we both went off to look at some menus and I was meant to call her back and I couldn't. I ended up texting with the excuse that I thought she might be eating dinner.

So, nothing huge so far, however last week a senior member of staff asked me (by email) to give someone a call, it wasn't a particularly awkward call to make. I didn't want to do it so basically emailed back and said I didn't think it was a good idea, it may have come across snippy.....my boss (who was copied in) replied that he'd call the person. Then I felt like an idiot. Now I'm feeling very anxious about going back into work but I think I'll need to apologise. I can't call though so I'll need to do an email of some sort.

I've never been this bad before, I find myself picking things to do or places to go that I can book on-line.

When I am there I am fine (e.g. at hairdressers and all chatty and then I pay and she asks if I want to make another appointment and i say no, i'll just call you and then I put it off over and over again) and I know it all sounds really trivial and no-one who knows me would ever think that I feel like this, I come across very competent and confident. I just feel that I am at the top of a very slippy slope.

I hate phone calls. I speak to my parents on the phone but that’s it. Never call friends or other family. I’m always desperately searching for ways to not have to make calls to doctor/hairdresser etc. I’m so glad I live in the internet age and can do nearly everything online! Amazingly I had some jobs where I had to answer calls in my twenties. I didn’t love it but I managed. I seem to have got worse with age (37 now).

No, you're not the only person. I hate the phone. My heart sinks if anyone calls me and sinks further if I have to initiate the call. I have ASD. I don't know what the answer is. I'm lucky that I've never had jobs where lots of calls have been needed.

I love online booking!

Glad it's not just me. It's really shit. It feels like the phone is mocking me.

I don't feel particularly anxious but I absolutely hate using the phone. I try to do everything via text or fb message.

In person I am fine, good with people in fact.

I hate hate using the phone and never call people back.

I hate it too. I can speak to my dad or dp on the phone but I really struggle with anyone else, even other family members.

Yes scab although I am a shy person, I don't really come across like that. I have been known to deliberately not answer the phone and then email the person who called saying "did you call me?" and then saying my phone is dodgy so can they mail me about whatever it was.

I do that sometimes wax, especially if I'm already having a shit day.

I didn't grow up with a phone in the house so I though it might be because of that. If I'm really under pressure or I need to do it for my of my DC then I'm better and as I say, I'm definitely better if someone calls me.

I'm quite open about it. I say oh I never answer the phone.

I absolutely loathe phone calls, both receiving and making and in any context- professional or personal. It isn't anxiety as such, just pure hatred of them!

I can make phone calls, but I can't answer the phone to an unknown number. If it's my mobile I can cope, but if the house phone rings I feel an instant drop in my stomach and that sort of odd feeling/noise in my ears (anyone else get this ?), the noise genuinely fills me with dread.

I feel for you op, have you spoken to your employers about it?

I had a pounding headache on Friday and I have a really tight deadline coming up and a few people were being asshats plus my DM has been in hospital for over a month after having a stroke. She is not in immediate danger or anything but is looking at going into a care home.

I can't phone the hospital for updates so end up texting round my siblings instead.

I'm thinking of messaging senior person, who is a decent bloke, just saying "Apologies if i was a bit grumpy on Friday, I wasn't feeling great" and then just go on to ask him something else I need to ask him.

Yes. I have been through phases where it’s been a full on phobia and at other times it’s just a mild anxiety but it has been with me in one way or another for over 30 years. It definitely impacts on my daily life. I find that answering calls straight away helps. If I wait more than a couple of rings the anxiety builds. If I’m making a call I rehearse bits and make notes before hand. I can’t make social calls (except to my parents).

Yes!

This has been a big issue my whole life - I'm now early 40s.

I've just been diagnosed with Aspergers so possibly this is part if the social anxiety wrapped into that but I feel your pain. It's horrible!

I haven't spoken to my employers about it but I do have a review coming up. My manager is based over 200 miles away so we rarely meet in person. He is a nice bloke too. However I'm not likely to be working for him in about 6 months as there is a takeover where I'm based.

There’s help out there, OP. Anxiety programmes are very effective, and can target general anxiety, and specific things such as health anxiety, anxiety around phone calls/driving etc.

Please speak with your GP and ask for a referral. It’ll be tough going but this time next year, you’ll have completed a programme and will have tools to help you deal with how you feel.

Good point on the social calls. They are worse. However, I used to phone my sister and my DM more or less daily for years when I was younger, and DH when he was my DP and didn't live with me. Oh and the childminder when DS went there as a baby. I'm definitely worse now.

I always struggle to hear what people are saying. I am not at all hard of hearing normally

That sounds good Pooh but I can't see myself doing that.

DS1 is 17 and has bad social anxiety, he barely speaks and even DH and I struggle to have conversations with him. We've been fighting with school to get his some support but I didn't even think of the GP.

I'm not sure I can even say to DH. He is a very open person and tells me anything and everything. I'm quite private so not even sure how I would raise this.

I'm the same, I can't remember the last time I made a phone call to anyone other than dh or my teenage daughter.

Dh makes all appointments and deals with any calls that need to be made, I just can't do it and get so anxious if I need to use the telephone. At work I generally get someone else to make the odd call when it's needed.

I too sort most things out via text or email.

yes. I can't call for a take-away. i go through ridiculous rigmaroles to try and get dh or any of the kids to call. completely ridiculous.
i'm fine at work, though. it seems to be on/ off at home.

Meant to say, thank you to you all for sharing, it makes me feel better :)

tygr - what prompted you to get a diagnosis?

@spacefrog35 - I'm exactly the same, get extremely anxious if the phone isn't answered after a few rings and will practice what I'm going to say over and over before making the call.

I can't call for a takeaway either, especially as they are often foreign (I'm not racist!) and I worry it'll be awkward if they can't understand me or me them. And yes, sometimes I find myself struggling to hear even though I can hear fine - the stress seems to make it sound very far away.

If I'm then in a situation where i need to phone then I end up getting grumpy and snippy with everyone.

I loathe using the phone and will panic and procrastinate for weeks rather than make a quick call. I've racked up charges, spent way more than I had to on things and let things go instead of chasing them up, all because I can't bring myself to make phone calls! I'm fairly confident in person and via email/internet. No idea why I'm like this.

It's weird though, I forced myself to get a call centre job in my student days to make myself get over it. I could cope with it, but only because it was incoming calls only, and a lot of the customers were sort of nervous on the phone and I was helping them, if that makes sense? I was more confident because I was the expert explaining things to them and they were grateful. But as soon as I got home, could I ring the bank or the tax office without a panic attack? Could I hell!