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Can anyone help or is it just me?

36 replies

littlecat10 · 26/01/2018 09:10

I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks. I guess I've always had a tendency towards an "anxious" personality but it's definitely worsened as I've got older.

I guess the breaking point, which I've never came back from, was when my husband decided about 5 years ago that he wanted us to separate. We would've been married twenty years this year. There wasn't anyone else involved, no dramatic underlying reasons. My world crumbled.

Personally I just think he was having some crazy mid life crisis. We have always remained good friends and still spend time together (whether that is helpful to the situation I don't know) and none of us has embarked on any other relationships. Probably the only reason that we've not ended up back together is that his ultra stubborn personality would never allow him to go back on a decision he'd already made.

Anyway my anxiety went off the rails at that point and it took me a long time to be able to just function as a normal person from day to day. I'm honestly surprised that I even made it out the other end as I frequently felt I couldn't go on.

In the years since then I feel as if every time I level out a bit there's something else just waiting to happen. Amongst other things ....
My Dad died very suddenly and unexpectedly.
I lost two of my dear pets within the space of just over a month.
I almost lost my job in a saga which dragged on for over a year.
I then moved job to get away from the people who were potentially a threat to me in the workplace.
My son, who is still at home lost his job and has been out of work for almost a year now, despite his best efforts at trying to find another job.

I've pretty much isolated myself from the outside world. I go to work, see my Mum, speak back and forth with the estranged husband and that's about it.

The anxiety never really leaves but sometimes it's so much worse than other times. It's not even a particular type of anxiety or particular situation that triggers it that I could describe. Sometimes I even just wake up in that state and don't know the reason why. It probably all sounds completely ridiculous.

Shops frighten me. Lots of people frighten me. But being alone frightens me too. And even being in my own house sometimes is too much.
Fears of losing things or not remembering where things are.
Fears of throwing out something or parting with something, however insignificant.
Fears of forgetting memories that are special or fears of never having that opportunity again.
Some of the things that send me into a panic attack and leave me in a state of high anxiety for the rest of the day would be completely absurd to the "normal" person.

I was on Fluoxetine for a period of time and this did help somewhat. It didn't make it go away completely but it did lessen the episodes to a degree.

Currently I'm back at rock bottom with this and seriously struggling to cope. I feel completely alone which obviously makes things even worse. I've have spent the last few nights pacing the floor waiting for daylight as the night is too much to deal with.

I really don't know what to do anymore as I don't want to feel this way forever. But I also don't want to spend my whole life on medication just to try to be "normal"

Sorry this is a bit long-winded!

OP posts:
prettymess · 26/01/2018 09:15

I understand. I’ve had anxiety for years.

What hobbies do you have?
What do you find does relax you?

littlecat10 · 26/01/2018 09:23

Thank you prettymess. Unfortunately I can't find anything that works to relax me at all as I can't settle into anything. When I hit a major panic I usually have to go outside and walk around the garden till it passes. Or if I'm up to it, when it starts to subside, maybe drive around for a while.
It's making me tearful all the time just now as I don't think I'm ever going to get past it 😢

OP posts:
prettymess · 26/01/2018 10:55

Oh bless you. How’s your relationship with your son? Does he spend time with you at home?

Hidingtonothing · 26/01/2018 11:01

Have you seen your GP recently OP, told them how bad things are? I found a combination of Sertraline and propanolol (beta blockers) really helpful when I was at my worst, could you go and have a chat about your options if you haven't been lately?

littlecat10 · 26/01/2018 11:23

@hidingtonothing
I actually had to phone my GP surgery on Wednesday afternoon as I thought I wasn't going to make it through. The GP phoned me back and he suggested I start back on the fluoxetine which he left a prescription for at the desk. He also made an appointment for me to come and see him in two weeks time. So I've just started back on that this morning.

I have Bisoprolol which I take now and again for intermittent SVT which does take the edge off the physical symptoms a bit.
But obviously doesn't do much for the thought process and at the moment I just can't control that part.

@prettymess I get on very well with both my son and daughter. Both are still at home. I just don't feel I can speak to them about this. I don't know, maybe embarrassment or not wanting to appear "off my head". Both of them are so laid back, easy going types that I'm not sure they would get it at all.

Incidentally I'm just recovering from a bad flu virus so I wonder if that's playing a part somehow. I wasn't this bad before I became unwell and then the first day I was back up out of bed and on my feet, bang, the anxiety just hit me like a ton of bricks.

OP posts:
prettymess · 26/01/2018 11:25

Yes, do see your GP.

DH has been going through a rough patch with anxiety and he’s changed his antidepressants. He’s doing a pottery course, always wanted to do it and was a 40th birthday gift. He’s done guitar lessons, meditation at the Buddhist centre and creative writing course before when he was going through bad patches. Similarly I did a TEFL course and am learning to drive now.
I’m wondering what would help you. You say pacing around the garden to calm you down, would any gardening help?

littlecat10 · 26/01/2018 15:46

I think the whole pacing the garden thing is more just about being out of the four walls for a little bit and trying to relieve the feeling trapped and alone. I'm definitely not a gardener Wink
I had to get out this morning so just went a drive for a while. Of course I ended up at the estranged husband's breaking my heart about the state I was in. He was very nice and everything but as he says all the time he really doesn't know what to do either.
Just sitting now waiting on the darkness and evening to fall and all of the horribleness that brings with it.

OP posts:
justaguy · 26/01/2018 15:59

None of this sounds remotely ridiculous. You’re ill, and you need treatment. I’m the same, but it took me a while to come to terms with it being an illness.

I take Sertraline and use Mindspace for meditation. But the best thing for me is exercise — nothing produces endorphins and makes me feel calm and happy in quite the same way.

Realitea · 26/01/2018 18:32

I had this in 2016. It’s generalised anxiety disorder. I still don’t know why it happened. I felt exactly the same as you.
I started a low dose of antidepressants and did cbt through the nhs which the doctor signed me up to. What really helped though was when I started to focus on the outside rather than looking in to myself if that makes sense. Really trying to focus on what’s around you rather than how you feel.
Anyway the good news is it does GO!
You will eventually be OK. If the antidepressants helped then go back and get them again. Use them as water wings while you get back to being you again.

littlecat10 · 26/01/2018 23:00

Thank you @Realitea. It does help to know that I'm not alone in this despite how it feels most of the time. And also to know that you did get through it gives me some hope.

@justaguy thank you for letting me know that I'm not being ridiculous. I'm glad you have found a way of coping. Perhaps I will be able to do so at some point.

I'd actually had a few hours just then of relative calm, which is the first time in days I've had any respite. Just as I thought I was settled enough to try to sit down and relax, maybe close my eyes for a bit, it all came whooshing back out of nowhere. I guess that's just the nature of the beast though.

OP posts:
Realitea · 27/01/2018 10:39

Yep, I see it like a car alarm going off in the background when you’re trying to read a book or something! You can ignore it and refocus or shout at them to turn it off! Eventually you don’t notice it.

Subtleconstraints · 27/01/2018 10:55

So sorry you are going through this op. You sound absolutely lovely Flowers I used to have panic attacks and anxiety is a horrid thing to experience.

Although there doesn't have to be a reason to suffer from anxiety, I think sometimes anxiety and/ or depression can be an indicator or a hint that you perhaps are living the wrong sort of life for you.

Are you sure continuing your relationship with your ex is helping you? (Forgive me if I have this wrong.) I know it is probably comforting to have him there short term, but you are probably still hurting a lot from the break up. Is still being in touch with him enabling you to fully move on and live life how you want to? Or is it tying you down to lots of pain and anger which is manifesting itself in other ways?

Also, tell your DC! They love you! The more open you are about it the better you will be able to cope. Being open is not the same as burdening them; especially if they see you accessing help.

Finally, how about doing something for yourself that you have always wanted to do? Creative classes? Sport? Choir? Something you love!

Good luck!

littlecat10 · 27/01/2018 13:23

I do see your point @subtleconstraints and thank you for replying and for your kind words.

I suppose in some ways the continuing "relationship" (or whatever it actually is) is probably a strange thing and maybe does have an effect on things.

To be completely honest and open about it I've never ever gotten over the end of our marriage. That was when the anxiety began really. But I can't even contemplate not having him in my life in some way, even if it is just as it is now. The very thought of it fills me with absolute terror. He really is the only friend I have at the moment. Yes I know that all this time down the line I should be well over it by now but I truly can't stop the massive love I have for him. I can't ever imagine being with anyone else or ever feeling love for anyone else at all. I'd honestly go back to how it was in the blink of an eye if I had the chance.

At the moment he is the only person who I feel calm around, the only time I feel safe and not desperately alone is when I'm spending time with him. I feel as if I can breathe again.

I'm just so scared right now that I'm never going to get better and that this is it for me. That this is how I'm going to feel every day for the rest of my life.

OP posts:
hevonbu · 27/01/2018 13:32

I'm definitely not a gardener

Maybe you should take it up? I've read that gardening is used in treatment for anxiety.
www.anxiety.org/gardening-helps-reduce-symptoms-of-anxiety-and-depression

hevonbu · 27/01/2018 13:42

What hobbies do you have? Unfortunately I can't find anything that works to relax me at all as I can't settle into anything.

Have you taking up an interest in classical music, tried listening to classical music (in earphones, lying flat on your bag on the sofa in your living room)? Here's something I found on YouTube for you, Beethoven, should you want to test it:

littlecat10 · 27/01/2018 15:05

Thank you @hevonbu. I'll look into that later.

Re the gardening, I've had a massive phobia about slugs and worms since I was a little girl. So I can't see that working for me. A few hanging baskets and planters are pretty much my limit. Grin If I see any of the creatures I run a mile.

OP posts:
hevonbu · 27/01/2018 15:15

Plants in pots? Geranium, perhaps?

Here's another one for you, Mozart:

prettymess · 27/01/2018 15:25

It sounds like you have emotional stuff to sort out with your (ex) husband. Are you divorced or still married? I wasn’t quite sure from your posts.

MarvelMummy13 · 27/01/2018 15:35

Can I just say I think you're doing amazingly well so far. you've spotted your struggling coping and contacted your doctor. I think after everything you've been through its highly unsurprising you feel the way you do. Carry on being the strong person you are !

On another note you said you struggle to talk to your immediate family as you don't want to feel 'off your head' . No-one will think this of you . Trust me. Someone who speaks about their feelings is stronger than those who do not and even though you might think your children have it all together especially your son who is being rejected from jobs may be feeling low at present also and may feel the exact same about being unsure how to express it. Mental health shouldn't be a taboo topic. If your upset anxious or angry speak, let it out. You never know who feels the same or who might surprise you and help you through the toughest times.

I wish you all the best lovely Keep your chin up theres only one way from here and thats up ! I've been there and im sure many of the other posters have too

littlecat10 · 27/01/2018 15:38

We are currently separated @prettymess. All legally done and everything though. He does every now and again mention divorce, in fact he mentioned it again just a couple of weeks ago. Although he says he has absolutely no intentions whatsoever of getting married again even if he did meet someone else. His reasoning behind it is just "getting his affairs in order" along with doing other things such as making a will etc.
I just think it's a bit of an unnecessary expense in order just to get another piece of paper which wouldn't actually change anything in terms of the separation agreement we have in place as everything that would be covered in a divorce was already all laid out in the legal separation agreement.

OP posts:
prettymess · 27/01/2018 15:51

I see, I didn’t realise separation could be set out all legally like that.

Subtleconstraints · 27/01/2018 15:54

littlecat I don't think anyone for one moment would think that "you should be over" the end of your twenty year marriage. You can't cut off feelings just like that. It's understandable that you feel dreadful.

The trouble is, if I may say so, is that the current situation isn't fair on you. In effect, your marriage has ended with all the hurt and shock that having your future as you envisioned it suddenly pulled out from under you and all that that entails. But your current situation is not allowing you to make a clean break either and allowing you to grieve and move on. And, in effect, the ball is in his court along with the uncertainty of that, and the worry of whether he will develop another relationship etc. You have no control at all and no certainty which is anxiety provoking in the extreme.

You may enjoy his companionship bit can you endure the next 5 years wondering if he will come back? You deserve so much better Flowers

And frankly, (if I may be blunt) you need to strike out a bit and make new friends so you are not dependent on him for companionship (not easy to do when you have anxiety though).

A friend of mine went through something similar (her DH left after 26 yrs the rat!) and she found sessions on her own with a licensed psychologist extremely helpful and "strengthening". Don't be afraid to look around and find one you "click" with though!

littlecat10 · 30/01/2018 18:44

So a bit of an update.

I've spent all weekend in a complete state of high anxiety. So completely terrified that I've spent most of the night time hours of darkness just out driving around aimlessly in my car. I've phoned a few helplines a few times during this. I was almost at the end. Really didn't feel as if I could go on.

I saw a GP yesterday, had to insist to the person triaging that I needed seen, and eventually they agreed. I saw a really nice GP who did a full examination, took several blood tests and sent off an urgent referral to the community mental health team.

They called me this morning (the GP surgery) to say that some of my blood results were back and that I'm currently hypokalaemic (low potassium) probably as a result of not eating for almost a week now.

My GP also prescribed me Diazepam 5mg for a few days. I was a bit scared about taking it though so only took a half of the dose at tea time last night. Haven't had any today yet just due to fear.

I'm terrified life is just going to be like this forever now. What if it never goes away?

OP posts:
prettymess · 30/01/2018 18:59

Oh bless you. I have been thinking of you. I’m so glad you got seen and have reached out for help x

NiteFlights · 30/01/2018 19:01

Hello littlecat, I am so sorry to hear you are going through this. You sound like a very sensible person who has been through a lot. Your situation with your DH sounds heartbreaking, I doubt anyone would say you should be 'over it'.

Well done for seeing your GP. Your GP sounds good. Would they give you a referral to a psychiatrist? It might help perhaps?

I can recommend a book called Self Help for your Nerves by Claire Weekes. It's an old book and frequently talks about sedation and shock therapy, but the ideas and suggestions are completely sound. I suffer with GAD and it has at times been hell. Dr Weekes's approach is the most comforting and helpful I have found, in combination with medication, therapy and self-help. You can get some of her books/talks (or as she calls them, records or cassettes Smile) on audible and I recommend those too. I listen to them while walking. She addresses the worry about the anxiety and fear never going away, and has helped me so much.

Please do not fall into despair, there is hope and you can get better.