I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks. I guess I've always had a tendency towards an "anxious" personality but it's definitely worsened as I've got older.
I guess the breaking point, which I've never came back from, was when my husband decided about 5 years ago that he wanted us to separate. We would've been married twenty years this year. There wasn't anyone else involved, no dramatic underlying reasons. My world crumbled.
Personally I just think he was having some crazy mid life crisis. We have always remained good friends and still spend time together (whether that is helpful to the situation I don't know) and none of us has embarked on any other relationships. Probably the only reason that we've not ended up back together is that his ultra stubborn personality would never allow him to go back on a decision he'd already made.
Anyway my anxiety went off the rails at that point and it took me a long time to be able to just function as a normal person from day to day. I'm honestly surprised that I even made it out the other end as I frequently felt I couldn't go on.
In the years since then I feel as if every time I level out a bit there's something else just waiting to happen. Amongst other things ....
My Dad died very suddenly and unexpectedly.
I lost two of my dear pets within the space of just over a month.
I almost lost my job in a saga which dragged on for over a year.
I then moved job to get away from the people who were potentially a threat to me in the workplace.
My son, who is still at home lost his job and has been out of work for almost a year now, despite his best efforts at trying to find another job.
I've pretty much isolated myself from the outside world. I go to work, see my Mum, speak back and forth with the estranged husband and that's about it.
The anxiety never really leaves but sometimes it's so much worse than other times. It's not even a particular type of anxiety or particular situation that triggers it that I could describe. Sometimes I even just wake up in that state and don't know the reason why. It probably all sounds completely ridiculous.
Shops frighten me. Lots of people frighten me. But being alone frightens me too. And even being in my own house sometimes is too much.
Fears of losing things or not remembering where things are.
Fears of throwing out something or parting with something, however insignificant.
Fears of forgetting memories that are special or fears of never having that opportunity again.
Some of the things that send me into a panic attack and leave me in a state of high anxiety for the rest of the day would be completely absurd to the "normal" person.
I was on Fluoxetine for a period of time and this did help somewhat. It didn't make it go away completely but it did lessen the episodes to a degree.
Currently I'm back at rock bottom with this and seriously struggling to cope. I feel completely alone which obviously makes things even worse. I've have spent the last few nights pacing the floor waiting for daylight as the night is too much to deal with.
I really don't know what to do anymore as I don't want to feel this way forever. But I also don't want to spend my whole life on medication just to try to be "normal"
Sorry this is a bit long-winded!