Am IBU that I can't do this anymore

[Surreal18]

I'm not in the UK , all family are from Britain. Am I being unreasonable that I'm tired from working 2 jobs to support 4 kiddies and grandaugther and to pay ex for child support because of violence. I'm shattered and just want it to end .

Have you sought legal advice? Are there women's law centres where you are? Support groups?

I don't know fuck all about NZ law. Nor about how misogynistic the 'system' is there. But I do know that sometimes violent men get custody (US term) of their children, even in the face of overwhelming evidence. All you can do is use the legal system as best you can and protect the children when you are able. The other alternatives, such as running with the children, are illegal and you'd likely end up not seeing them at all. You don't want that.

I know it's hard right now. You are railing against the injustice. But the best thing you can do for the children right now is to see your GP and arrange for counseling to give you the tools to cope with this.

As hard as it is, remember that the years will pass, things will change. Just be there for them as best you can now.

Samaritans NZ might be worth a call: 0800 726666.

Hi OP,

We're so sorry to hear you're feeling this way, and that things are so tough for you right now.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we usually link to pages that we think might help.

Here is our Domestic Violence webguide, and here are our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

16 here :)

And I'd like to remind you that we are all human. It is kind of easier for a website to remove posts rather than deal with the reality. Its an easy out mental health rather than violence. It doesn't upset your world.

I don't actually give a fuck in your auto message. I failed my kids so you can all go and fuck yourselves.

You sound like you need to chat to someone in NZ who knows the law and what you can do rather than this forum. We are mostly UK based and things are different here. Do you have friends where you are who can help you?

Please try to get help @Surreal18

https://womensrefuge.org.nz/domestic-violence/

We all fail our kids in one way or another, OP. But giving up would be the worst way to fail them. Phone the Samaritans for the moment.

The mumsnet message is not an automatic message either, it is personalised to this thread.

Surreal I don't think MNHQ is trying to say that what you are saying isn't real. I think they're saying that you may find it helpful to get help in dealing with it. And the best help for something that is (apparently) beyond our control is counseling, which is usually available through MH services.

Your feelings are yours to feel. We can argue with you that you haven't failed your children, but that's not going to change how you feel. If you want to change them, you'll need more help than a bunch of anonymous MNers can give you. I hope that you can muster up a spark to seek it.