This is unbearable

[willothewisp17]

I suffer from anxiety and am medicated. Nothing is helping and this is more severe than I ever thought . I can't imagine living like this, feeling like this every single day, it's so so so unbearable! I want to just stop, I don't want life to be like this, it's such a fucking nightmare every day.

I'm sorry you are feeling the way you are. I'm not able to offer any advice but I hope things get better for you and that the helpful mumsnet community is able to support you

I don't have anything useful to say but didn't want to read and run.

This can be a stressful time of year for lots of reasons, could that be making thungs worse?

It will get better, I was crippled by anxiety this time last year, a few things have helped me CBT, medication and solution based councilling.

Have you had any councilling?
How long have you been on your medication, would it help to change to a different kind?

You will get through this sending you big hugs

I haven't had any counselling, no. I've been on my medication for about 7 weeks now, GP has already put the dosage up (citalopram 30mg) and prescribed diazepam aswell, which makes no difference whatsoever! I feel sick all the time with worry and stress and I cry all the time. I can't handle this anymore.

This is the worst time of year for it.
Just get through today.
Then things get bit more normal in the world around us tomorrow, telly schedules resume, post is back on, transport is running.
New Year’s Eve is but an evening and treat New Year’s Day as just a Bank holiday and wait it out for the 2nd.
Things will be normal around you again soon and routines will resume.
That will erase some of the uncertainty that can fuel anxiety so hard that you feel you can’t cope.
One day at a time x

You need to revisit your gp ASAP, if you can wait then do so til next week, if not then you need to contact out of hours line. CBT and talking therapies are useful alongside the meds as they can help you with coping techniques and strategies, so try to give them a go if you can, ask gp about that as an option moving forward. Remember that Xmas is always tricky for everyone and it will soon be over, hang on in there x

My daughter was born 10 weeks prem and is almost 7 months old now. She came home on oxygen but no longer requires it. I am so anxious about her all the time, it's horrendous. She was off all day yesterday which I just put down to teething/long overwhelming day for her. She was up all night and has the cold. I'm terrified. And so angry. Why can't people stay away from us when they have a sniffle? I take her nowhere as it is due to fear of her getting ill, but this is just the icing on the cake, I can't see me leaving the house with her ever again. I can't cope with this, I just cry and I can't stop. The thoughts going through my head are agonising, at low points I've been terrified that she'll die. I wish I could get away from this, why does it have to be this way??

It sounds as if you have PND too.

Is there anything else the GP can offer; counselling etc.

You are quite new onto the Citalopram aswell. They can make you feel a bit worse before you feel better.

I've been there with both severe anxiety and depression, worst when my son was a baby.

He as kind to yourself as you can. Rest when you can, get out for a walk each day, take hot baths, whatever you used to do to make yourself relax before this came along do. It won't 'cure' you but it might take the edge off.

I never relaxed before. This has always been there, I see that now, but it's heightened since the birth of my daughter. I always just thought I was quite a highly strung person, but I am having an awful time, and I feel so guilty, why did I want a baby if I simply cannot cope? She's well looked after, gaining weight tremendously, bathed every night, clean clothes, weaned on home cooking, doesn't cry for more than five seconds before she's picked up and seen to, but what does all this matter when I'm cracking up inside? Everything I do is methodical, I just do it. She has a mother than sobs and cannot be happy. I've never felt like I don't want to be here anymore, but nothing can be worse than feeling like this day in day out

Do you have family nearby?
Do you have a DP?
You have been through a metric tonne of shit that would buckle anyone - underlying manageable anxiety can become disabling when you have a baby - mine mushroomed after DD was born and she was in rude health.

As a PP said, Citalopram can take while to kick in.

What is DD’s health like in general? Reading between the lines of your posts I’m guessing normally ok?

Yes, I have family nearby and I live with my husband.
Her health is perfectly fine, she's doing so well, but I'm just always so worried about her. I don't know why. I wish I could stop, I wish I could be rational but I can't

This is so common, OP. When I went to CBT, the psychologist gave me some stats about anxiety post natally, which I can't remember (Sorry!) but made me realise how normal this is.

CBT really transformed things for me and took about 10 weeks, so you don't need to suffer like this for long.

What I would caveat that with, is that I had a NHS psychologist, who didn't just do CBT 101, but challenged me hard on things I thought I had happened in the past. There is a lot of suit cheap CBT out there.

So try to get an NHS psychologist but do try CBT. There really is light at the end of the tunnel.

And well done for going to your GP for medication already. It's really brave to face it. You will get there.

Suit=shit

A little thing that might help. Do you have the mattress with the monitor on it so at least at night you will know she is ok and hopefully get some sleep. Heightened anxiety comes with first days of baby but has been made far worse for you by your baby not been well at first. What lm trying to say is there is a reason for this so it will get better. I had no issues with anxiety and nearly went off my head with it in first few months as your maternal instincts are so sharp ..its desperate. But that eases. And meds take time to work. This will improve.

Big hugs. I second that the meds take time to work (several weeks) and you won't always feel the way you do now. I have anxiety and remember well the awfulness of it. I don't feel that way anymore - it is possible to get better. Talk to your GP again in case they think it's worth trying a different medicine or amending the dose. Have a look at moodgym.com.au/ too, which is an online tool for managing depression/anxiety. It costs £20 for a year's access.

Just wanted to send support - I agree with other pp that this is far more common than you would think, and it is survivable, and it will get better.

I have a huge anxiety disorder which I have suffered from pretty much all my life. When my DC were born it went into overdrive. I made myself ill through lack of sleep. It felt like I was keeping them alive only through my own focus on them. If they were out of my sight I was petrified for their safety so none could help me. It's only now a few years on that I can see how irrational I was and how out of control my emotions were. Now they are older I am calmer - I still worry crazily overmuch but I can see that my fears are mostly the product of my anxiety and not based in reality.

Please be gentle with yourself - it will ease, and the drugs you are on should start to help soon. Try and look after yourself as much as possible with whatever relaxation methods work for you. Sleep and gentle exercise for sure, as much as you can. Stay talking here if it helps.

Oh god it's not got any better as the day goes on

please someone help me

Willo it will get better I promise. Hold on and take some deep breathes. It sounds like you've always had anxiety; which is very usually heightened after having a child, and even more so after such a premature birth.

Look at the facts you've told us - she's doing brilliantly and is very healthy.

I know calming down seems impossible, but it is manageable, I promise. I've been there. It does get better.

I think you need some more help though, can you go and see your doctor again tomorrow? Or a walk-in appointment somewhere?

I've vomited twice now through stress and anxiety

I can't go on like this

please

Willo I really think you should revisit the GP. I agree that there is a potential for PND and that CBT could be a possible route.

This will be little help to you right now but I promise it does get better. I’ve been where you are and it’s crippling but be open with your GP and ask for help.

Keep talking, what’s the biggest anxiety right now?

Willo have you told your DH how you're feeling today?

Breathing exercises.

www.nhs.uk/Conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/Pages/ways-relieve-stress.aspx

Read the page, then start doing them. This is what the Paramedic had me do when I had a panic attack, but you can use it at any time when feeling anxious.