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Original poster

Can anyone give me some hope that I've done the right thing? **Trigger warning added by MNHQ**

33 replies

Fuckthatshit · 21/12/2017 22:12

This evening my son tried to hang himself. I managed to get the noose from round his neck before he lost consciousness. The ambulance would have taken two hours to get to us and he refused to go to hospital with me in the car and left the house. I called the police who found him and organised an assessment. It was explained to him that he could go to hospital voluntarily or another team would come to see him with the power to section him if necessary. He went voluntarily but he hates me and wouldn't speak to me as he was leaving. I have a feeling that I've made things so much worse and I worry about him feeling alone and scared in hospital.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 21/12/2017 22:14

Oh you poor thing.
Lucky enough to have no experience but it seems you did tbe right thing (not the easy thing!).
He doesn't hate you Flowers

StealthPolarBear · 21/12/2017 22:14

You've done things and written things no parent should have to go through. Are you alone or with someone? When can you see your son?

Original poster
Fuckthatshit · 21/12/2017 22:15

Thank you Stealth. I think he does though. I can't stop thinking about how crap my parenting must have been for it to come to this.

OP posts:
StupidSlimyGit · 21/12/2017 22:16

You have done the right thing. I have been in the position of your son, and in your position (though not with my child so can't profess to even guess how you are feeling).
You haven't made things worse, he will get the help he needs and you may well have saved his life more than once tonight. From my personal opinion he will look back and be grateful, I know I am.
Flowers look after yourself. This must be a difficult time for you.

Original poster
Fuckthatshit · 21/12/2017 22:17

My husband's come home and daughter's on her way. I can see him tomorrow if he wants me to go.

OP posts:
StupidSlimyGit · 21/12/2017 22:17

Oh and please don't think he hates you, when you are at your lowest it's the ones you love the most who you are most comfortable lashing out at. Irrational I know but it's an incredibly common reaction.

StealthPolarBear · 21/12/2017 22:18

Excellent..
Your son is ill. I very much doubt it reflects on parenting. The fact he's alive now does though.

Original poster
Fuckthatshit · 21/12/2017 22:18

Thank you stupid. Can I ask what helped you to get better?

OP posts:
XmasInTintagel · 21/12/2017 22:20

You had no choice OP, you've definitely done the best thing for him, he just doesn't see that right now. I hope he gets the help he needs and starts to feel that life is worth living again soon. And I hope there's some support for you too, both friends and family, but also may be worth seeing if there's any counselling available, to help you know how to cope, and how to support him.

SealSong · 21/12/2017 22:20

I work in mental health, and I can say categorically that you did the right thing. You probably saved his life.
He is not well, and has an unbalanced view currently. Hopefully he will get the treatment he needs, and when he is in his right mind, one day he will thank you for what you did.
Try not to take his anger to heart at the moment. It is part of his illness.

Wolfiefan · 21/12/2017 22:21

It's not your parenting. Of course it isn't. He's scared and lashing out. He doesn't hate you. You've done what you needed to do to try and keep him safe and get him well. I'm so sorry OP.

SealSong · 21/12/2017 22:22

It is probably no reflection at all on your parenting that he has done this. Mental illness can affect anyone.

MillennialFalcon · 21/12/2017 22:22

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. You did the right thing in a terrible situation. It might sound harsh but although he is angry at you now at least he is alive to be angry at you, if you had left him to go off on his own and not called the police then he might not be. You did the only thing that you could do as a loving mother to protect your child. He can't recognise that now but hopefully eventually he will. I'm sure he doesn't really hate you.

StupidSlimyGit · 21/12/2017 22:25

I don't think I will ever be cured, but the correct medication, counselling and therapies have made me able to function and enjoy life again. I have bad days, but I can see through them to a future and can reach out for help when I need it because being forced to get help showed me that, however unloved and alone I might feel, it isn't true. There are people who care whether I feel like they should or not.
Also one of my biggest helps long term is the simple knowledge that I can call one friend and have a "I'm going to pull my big girl pants up in a moment but can I cry and rage at you for five minutes first" call. Getting it all out, without judgement or it ever being thrown back at me, then picking myself up and moving on is so much better for my MH than just bottling it all up like I used too.
Obviously every person is different, but honestly where he is know will help him find what works for him.
And please, do make sure you and your family are gentle with yourselves. He hates non of you, whatever he may say now, but this is hard for you all too and you must look after yourself. This isn't your fault Flowers

TaggieRR · 21/12/2017 22:25

I'm so very sorry. Your ds is not well, it is not your fault. I wholeheartedly believe he will get better, with help, and be thankful for what you did. Take care OP. I hope you have lots of support.

Original poster
Fuckthatshit · 21/12/2017 22:26

Thank you for the kind words. It all feels very unreal at the moment. I just want to go and give him a hug to make things better like when he was small, but I don't think that would work now.

OP posts:
CalmingBalm · 21/12/2017 22:26

Am so sorry, sending love and thoughts

Original poster
Fuckthatshit · 21/12/2017 22:30

Thank you for sharing that stupid. It's comforting to know that you've found a way through

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RubaDubMum89 · 21/12/2017 22:31

Your post made me cry OP, I'm so so very sorry for you and your family at this difficult time.

You have 100% done the right thing, your son didn't want to die, the illness he has tricked him into thinking he did. In time, when he's received the treatment he needs he will come back to you. You have literally saved his life. He'll realise that.

Right now you need to be strong and to remember that whatever happens or is said in the next few weeks isn't a reflection of the truth and is not your son talking but his illness.

His depression is no reflection of your parenting skills, however, what you've done tonight is.

I can't stand in your shoes entirely, but, my father died by hanging himself and it caused unrepairable damage to many who loved him.

So, not only have you saved your sons life but you've also saved others.

Stay strong OP. Whatever comes you can handle it, one day at a time, it will get better.

AuntyElle · 21/12/2017 22:32

Sending Flowers for you.

Bluntness100 · 21/12/2017 22:36

I don't have any advice other than you didn't make it worse, of course you didn't, you saved his life, he is ill, and it's not anyone's fault. No illness is.

I don't even know what to say other than I hope you can take some comfort from the fact that you saved him. 💐

tobitcoinornottobitcoin · 21/12/2017 22:37

Thanks no advice just wanted to send hugs

Bluntness100 · 21/12/2017 22:37

Ruba. For you, 💐

Original poster
Fuckthatshit · 21/12/2017 22:40

I'm so sorry Ruba. I've asked for a trigger warning to be put on the thread. I really don't want to bring awful memories back for people but I very much appreciate you sharing your story and kind words. It means a lot Flowers

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 22/12/2017 19:37

How are things op? How has he been, have you seen him?