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Original poster

Surviving holiday break from therapy

65 replies

redandorange · 15/12/2017 20:59

Anyone else utterly dreading getting through Christmas and New Year without therapy? It just seems like the worst possible time to have a break, although I obviously appreciate that it's completely normal and that wow, they must need it!

I had my last session til January yesterday and now it's almost 3 weeks til the next one. Kind of feeling on the edge at the moment, like I've lost the feeling that it will be ok. Gah.

OP posts:
Orangecake123 · 21/12/2017 17:34

11 more days and I feel like I'm unraveling.

I'm tempted to email another therapist- but feel that this would be classified as acting up and "acting in ways that undermine therapy". Maybe I am just being dramatic but I'm just struggling. I can't do this anymore.

Last class tomorrow at 9.30am before the Christmas break- funnily enough it's in the psychiatry department and a seminar with the head of psychiatry. If only everyone knew how insane I really was.

Flight home the next day at 8pm.

Ikeptthemwithmebabe · 21/12/2017 17:35

is it totally weird that I've been on her website just to look at her photo and feel a bit comforted?!

Oh yes!
(I have done it in the past too. Blush)

Ofthread · 21/12/2017 17:37

Joining this thread. Just had final session today.

Ikeptthemwithmebabe · 21/12/2017 17:43

Orangecake have you contacted the Samaritans before? I was alone for a lot of last christmas and feeling dreadful. I emailed them each evening and would get a reply the next day. it really got me through a difficult time.

You can of course call as well. I know that's perhaps not easy with family around.

Did you discuss how you would cope with the holidays with your therapist?

Flowers
Orangecake123 · 21/12/2017 20:37

@Ikept-

I last emailed them in August when T had his last week long holiday. After he came back we agreed that I wouldn't act out but talk and he would have a safety net for me when he went away again. He told me the difference between us was that he had faith in me whilst I didn't.

Before our last session on thursday we discussed his holiday but not in a practical sense as having a set plan and ways of coping like if I could have email contact, but more that I was afraid he wouldn't come back and I wanted reassurance that he would. I have BPD due to trauma from childhood and I have "parts" which are children aged 4 and 7.

It just feels like I'm constantly in a crisis and that I'm just being dramatic. I've felt before that he doesn't take me seriously when I tell him I'm struggling. I'm deep in the throes of parental transference but loving him just hurts me.I'm tempted to just end things now and not go back. A year after therapy- I rage less but I'm still hurting and feel so tired and overwhelmed. I don't feel like I really know how to "cope" in ways that aren't self destructive. I post here and on another forum but I've still literally just spent three days crying in bed because I don't want to live and I have exams looming on the horizon in January,

Isadora2007 · 21/12/2017 22:35

As a counsellor myself, I can reassure you that what you’re experiencing is totally normal- anger, fear, loneliness, urges to see them/look at them. If it helps, look at their photo and reassure yourself in any way you can. I often give my clients who need that extra layer of attachment a transitional object- something of mine like a stone from our therapy or a shell I have chosen. Like a child would have ablankie or teddy- it links me and them when we can’t be together.
Ultimately the goal of therapy is to help you get your own therapists voice to be in you- your inner voice. So imagining how your session would go, speaking it out loud and thinking about their voice and questions or comments. You will have it in you to tap into that care, I bet.
Also I can reassure you my clients are never just another client- I care deeply and professionally for them and it is often hard for me as well to manage breaks or to end with them even though I know they are ready. I could picture each and every client I have had- even the ones who only come once or twice. And some enter my heart more than others...
Wishing you all peace for the next few days...and I also have faith in you and the work you have done in therapy so far will hold you for this time.

Ikeptthemwithmebabe · 22/12/2017 17:13

Isadora that's a lovely post.

EmmaT93 · 26/12/2017 14:06

How is everyone getting along? January still seems a long way away...

Wingingit321 · 29/12/2017 07:06

Yeah I’m not great. Still 2 more weeks to go for me. Feel so pathetic and needy (stupid childhood trauma, stupid messed up attachment, stupid holidays making me feel so alone)

Ikeptthemwithmebabe · 30/12/2017 17:16

I've nearly emailed my therapist several times today. I haven't because it's her Christmas holidays and every needs time off. It's tough though.

badfurday · 31/12/2017 22:43

My last session was 18th December, next one isn't until 8th January. It's so bloody hard. I emailed her, she said I could. I felt bloody awful about it but she sent me a beautiful email back. I just feel like such a needy twat. I just want a cuddle from her more than anything in the world right now, it's a particularly shitty time of the year isn't it. I keep going on her website to look at her picture too, I'm fucking pathetic. 7 days tomorrow Hmm

Wingingit321 · 01/01/2018 05:53

Not pathetic. I’m so glad you felt able to email and she emailed you back. Hope it helped . 1 more week badfurday❤️

Ikeptthemwithmebabe · 01/01/2018 08:23

I don't think any posters here are pathetic. It's not a bad thing to want to be known and cared for. Funny how its easier to see in others. I'm grateful that people have been open about their feelings.
Flowers

badfurday · 01/01/2018 10:19

Sorry for all my swearing in my last post. Yesterday was particularly hard. It seems everyone on my social media is in a great happy place and posting how wonderful life is, and I'm going through hell in my head. Counting down the days now until my next session. A week today Smile

Thinking of everyone in this thread. X

Orangecake123 · 01/01/2018 12:32

I see my therapist tomorrow at 11.40.

I don't even quite know how to say how I feel. I feel sicker than normal and I felt the same about NYE.

The picture thing isn't pathetic badfurday and I'm glad you got the contact you needed.

Wingingit321 · 01/01/2018 14:39

Social media is full of lies, I’ve stopped using Facebook as it made me feel more guilty

Original poster
redandorange · 01/01/2018 18:24

Just 2 more days now, my appointment is on Thursday. Phew! It's been a loooong few weeks. Now I'm feeling all this pressure for it to be a 'good' session this week, trying to work out how to fit 3 weeks of stuff into one session...wondering whether I need to admit to her quite how attached I am...feeling weird about seeing her after obsessing about her/therapy so much the entire break. Agh! But generally thank god the festive season is over!

Agreed re social media - guaranteed to make you feel worse & such an inaccurate representation of people's lives. Wish I had the strength to delete Facebook too!

OP posts:
badfurday · 03/01/2018 10:59

5 more days Sadnot having a good day today.

Zube · 03/01/2018 12:09

So I am curious how we raise the attachment / hellish holiday interruption issue with the therapist?

Bumpsadaisie · 03/01/2018 14:30

Hello Zube

Just tell them about it. They will have heard it before. And assuming that they have had to have their own therapy as part of training, no doubt they have felt it themselves before too.

x

Wingingit321 · 04/01/2018 20:01

Still another week here

badfurday · 04/01/2018 21:45

Hang in there, not too long now.

Feeling anxious about seeing my therapist now, like I'll have to reconnect/bond with her again. Hmmhave so much I want to discuss but can already feel myself not being able to talk. This is so hard. 4 more days...and half expecting her to cancel for one reason or another. I have Massive rejection issues

Original poster
redandorange · 05/01/2018 09:34

Thinking of everyone still waiting, not long left.

badfurday I felt like that too. Convinced she would be ill and have to cancel, or would have decided she didn't want to see me anymore. But she didn't and it was great to see her, felt so safe to be back in her little room. I also feared having one of the those sessions where I can't talk, or dissociate massively, but I just told her right at the start that that was how I felt, and how much I had missed her (not to the point of admitting looking at her photo though Blush) and she was wonderful about it all. Now I miss her again though...even more...gah.

OP posts:
Xubie · 05/01/2018 09:40

I survived the three week break and had a session yesterday.

Only to be told there's a four week break coming up.

I feel quite broken.

Hugs to everyone still waiting.

Original poster
redandorange · 05/01/2018 09:47

Oh Xubie. Four weeks! Ouch. Is it soon? Thats so incredibly tough to hear after you've just got through a long break already Flowers

OP posts: