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Mental health

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Original poster

Is this suicidal?

19 replies

Chickenseesasalad · 14/12/2017 19:33

Name change, would be hideous if I got outted but I need a bit of help.
I've not been doing well with my MH the last few weeks. I'm on Setraline 50g and have been for 6 months, this is my second time I've been on it, the first time was when I had P(pre)ND.
Things have got shit here in the last few weeks in my relationship and we are very broke, and unhappy and I think it's my fault but I don't really know.
I've been finding myself thinking about suicide a lot. I KNOW I wouldn't do it. I couldn't bare to leave the children, but it's occupying my mind a lot. It's almost like I wish I didn't have family ties so that I could just do it :(
I've developed excruciating paranoia in the last few weeks. I KNOW it's paranoia but I feel like I'm so hated and so unneeded in every situation. Home and education (mature student). I don't know if I am suicidal, but I feel shit. I've never felt so unloved and unwanted before :(

OP posts:

eyeswideshit · 14/12/2017 19:45

Sounds more like suicide ideation rather than being actively suicidal. I hope things get better for you.

Original poster

Chickenseesasalad · 14/12/2017 19:57

If a mother does kill herself, what happens to the children? Do they stay with the father? Do they get help with mental health after? Are they monitored in case they also develop such thoughts?
Is this just depression? My uncle and cousin killed themselves when I was very young, but they had other things going on. So I don't know if I'm a risk or not. God this sounds so insane. I can be fine. I was fine earlier, and then something triggers and I'm like this for a few hours :(

OP posts:

loveablether · 14/12/2017 19:58

Paranoia is dangerous, get yourself some help, speak to trusted people in real life and take steps to sort yourself and get back on track. Sometimes it takes for life to be utter shit for it to scare us into getting our act together. Ask for help and be honest about how your feeling with doctor or whoever you go to for help x

eyeswideshit · 14/12/2017 20:02

I definitely think you need to get back to the doctors to discuss your meds. You know you're not well, which is always a good thing, but please get seen.

Guiltypleasures001 · 14/12/2017 20:12

Hi lovely sorry your feeling so bad

From what you have described, I'm a little concerned that the paranoia may point to psychosis,
A rarer form of PND which is hormone driven I believe can cause this. I would strongly advice you to speak openly to your GP midwife health visitor as soon as possible.

Suicidal thoughts at times can be normal, but if this is occupying much of your waking hours then a medical professional would be very concerned.

I am not a clinician, but like many on here do have some experience and training, please seek help
And if you feel you can, also contact The Samaritans on 116 123 for a confidential chat

Good luck op and keep posting and talking to us 💐

Original poster

Chickenseesasalad · 14/12/2017 20:13

I'm very heavily considering contacting the police. It's drastic and ridiculous and so attention seeking but I can't bare another minute of feeling like this. I told my partner that I think I might be suicidal and he told me to leave him alone and if I was thinking of the children I would want them to have a mother. And he's right but I feel like he's not pandering to it because if I did do it (which I'm not going too) he'd be able to manage better without my problems. Which is insane.
If I was to phone the police than I'd be sectioned then maybe someone would have a miracle cure to all of this, but if I did that, I'd also hugely regret it when I could just see a GP in a few days and fuck knows what they'd think of my parenting and I couldn't bare for them to deem me incapable of being a mother. I'm not the best but I love them so much that it makes me cry writing that

OP posts:

eyeswideshit · 14/12/2017 20:17

If you're feeling this bad you need to get yourself to a and e. It's not the police you need, it's medical professionals.

Original poster

Chickenseesasalad · 14/12/2017 20:18

I've spoken with Samaritan but I don't know if they can really help. I know what I should and shouldn't do. People seen to only really be alarmed if I'm actually going to kill myself or think I could hurt the children.

I'm terrified I have BPD I think it sounds like me but then I don't know. I got raped 2 and a half years ago and I should so be over it and I thought i was, until the birth of my 2nd a year ago, I don't know how but I think a lot of my paranoia is coming from that.
I sent my tutor an email explaining that I think she doesn't like me and that I'm sorry for giving her the wrong impression, and she didn't reply, and I saw her briefly today, and I know I've made it so much worse.

OP posts:

ItsYuleyme · 14/12/2017 20:22

Don't wait a couple of days to see your GP. Go straight in tomorrow and insist on an Emergency appointment, if necessary tell the staff why!
For now, please believe that you are a precious person , who has a right to be here!
Your children love you unconditionally and need you very much, as you know.
There is hope for the future!
Your medication can be changed and you can start to feel bettter.
I am thinking of you!
You are loved...

Gizmo79 · 14/12/2017 20:27

Huge hugs.
Go to A&E right now. They will have a mental health practitioner on site.
Do not worry about anyone else as long as your children are safe.
Do not do anything but go to A&E.x

saladdays66 · 14/12/2017 20:32

Go to A&E right now. They will have a mental health practitioner on site.

Will they?? OP, I think you should ring Samaritans again, or talk to a good friend this evening if your h is being unsupportive, then make an urgent GP appointment for tomorrow. They will be in a better place to assess you and look at changing your meds. I don't think A&E is the best place for you.

Or contact www.anxietyuk.org.uk/our-services/get-help/anxiety-uk-national-infoline-service/live-chat/

OP. I hope you feel better soon.

MNHQ

LouMumsnet · 14/12/2017 21:22

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Thanks everyone.

Original poster

Chickenseesasalad · 14/12/2017 21:39

I've sat in a dark room and DP has been up to see me. I'm feeling a bit better, just very drained. I'm phoning for an emergency appointment tomorrow with the GP. I'd feel very on edge and ashamed at A&E, also guilty that I could be taking up the time or someone in much more urgent need.

In the moment I feel bereft, lonely, paranoid and angry. Then it passes and I can still feel it, but not as strongly. I know it's there but it hasn't got quite as much of a hold on me, if that makes sense.

Thank you all very much, I will be back in contact (if that's ok)

Sorry mumsnet hope I haven't broken any rules or anything. And of course I don't want people to emotionally invest in me, that wasn't my intention in posting at all, I've just received and hopefully given good advice on here before and needed some help x

OP posts:

Gizmo79 · 14/12/2017 22:04

Saladdays yes. A&Es do now have mental health nurses on site to assess patients.

But thanks for putting doubt out there

ItsYuleyme · 14/12/2017 22:22

Chicken, MNHQ was not getting at you there. You are entitled to come in here and ask for help and support from any MNers who feel able to help.
You've done nothing wrong!
I'm relieved that you're feeling a tiny bit better and you're definitely getting yourself to an Emergency appointment with your own GP.
Good advice though, if you feel you need to, ring the Samaritans.
I wish you the very best.

FaithEverPresent · 14/12/2017 22:33

Sorry you’re feeling like this. I get suicidal ideation - like thoughts that pop into my head that I don’t want there. That on its own is a concern, but I think the paranoia is a more pressing issue that shouldn’t be left. As pp say, there’s other health problems that can initially present as PND. The other possibility is that the setraline doesn’t suit you. You do need to see someone and soon.
If you’re not happy to go to A&E, could you ring 111 and talk it through with them? They might be able to refer you to your local crisis team?

FaithEverPresent · 15/12/2017 13:20

How are you today @Chickenseesasalad?

Original poster

Chickenseesasalad · 15/12/2017 14:07

I didn't get an appointment, DP let me sleep in until 11 (which is lovely) I feel very sleepy and disorientated. He did try to wake me just before 8 with a cup of tea, but decided it was best to leave me as I obviously needed it. I can call again at 3 for afternoon cancellations, so hopefully there is something then. If not, I will have to book for early next week. Thank you for asking :)

OP posts:

FaithEverPresent · 15/12/2017 18:05

It’s good that you’ve caught up on some sleep I agree you obviously needed it! I hope you got seen this afternoon.

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