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Mental health

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Original poster

TRIGGER WARNING - This may be a disturbing thread - So sorry

84 replies

fullofhope03 · 27/10/2017 22:42

Apologies as I have had a few wines AND a depressing and long conversation this evening. Anyway, my question is, has anyone lost someone very dear to them and wanted to 'get in touch' ? Via a Medium, Ouja board? Sorry again to ask.

OP posts:

PurpleDaisies · 27/10/2017 22:57

Op if you want to talk, the Samaritans are lovely and will always listen.

LoverOfCake · 27/10/2017 22:58

No. I actually said on another thread earlier that this kind of thing should actually be illegal as it's designed to exploit the vulnerable.

I know someone who went to a medium after her partner died. Her MIL went with her as well and they paid £45 each per session. But of course one would have gone in and then the medium has all the information she needs to convince the other one as well. if the dead could come back and contact people they would contact the people who wanted to talk to them, not go through someone charging the earth to second-guess what you're thinking and use the information gleaned to con you out of a fortune.

There are no such things as genuine psychics or mediums.

CanIBuffalo · 27/10/2017 22:58

Both parents and a close friend have died. It's painful but I don't believe you can speak to the dead. Have you recently been bereaved OP? That early stage when you can't quite believe you'll never see them again and feel as if you have unfinished business is really tough. Maybe try writing them a letter. It might be helpful to you.

formerbabe · 27/10/2017 22:58

I visited a medium once. Note that I said "once" because one visit was enough for me to know it was a complete load of shite.

DoJo · 27/10/2017 23:00

You can't get in touch by 'following' someone and if you are feeling like that seems like an option then please get some help. The Samaritans can help you talk through it and your GP might be able to help you access some support to come to terms with not being able to talk to someone you miss. And there's always someone on here to listen. Please keep talking.

ChardonnaysPrettySister · 27/10/2017 23:02

It never is the same place.

Give it time, the pain will fade.

AnneGrommit · 27/10/2017 23:03

Fullofhope I'm really sorry but it isn't possible to connect and be with someone who has died in the same way as you did when they were with you. You dying won't do that either - it will just cause grief and loss for those who love you. It's so hard. But there isn't a fix.

You can still talk, still write, still love. None of that changes. But you can't be the way you were with the person you love. I'm sorry.

ZepellinBend · 27/10/2017 23:04

I can see the appeal but I think no good would ever come of it. Not from a 'woo' way but emotionally from 'mediums' who just want your money.

Strangely have just finished Sarah Water's 'Affinity' tonight. Fiction but pretty much sums up my feelings on it.

I hope you're ok, bereavement is the worst feeling in the world

IamPickleRick · 27/10/2017 23:04

I can almost guarantee that if any of my dead relatives wanted to contact me with a message, they would speak directly to me, they wouldn't wait until I had gone to the local psychics night and spent £20 on 15 minutes with some stranger who may or may not pass on the message correctly...

If any of it was real of course.

ShoesHaveSouls · 27/10/2017 23:05

No, I would never feel comfortable dabbling with that stuff.

But I can understand the need to. (But don't).

I used to believe death was the end, until I lost my dear father. Then I couldn't believe that anymore.

for you OP.

CanIBuffalo · 27/10/2017 23:06

I thinl for me, the best thing I can do is carry them with me. I remember them and I can carry those memories and pass them on. I find that comforting. Could that be something that would be a comfort to you? Carrying their candle?

Apileofballyhoo · 27/10/2017 23:06

I think most people would love to get in touch if it were possible. Whether you believe in mediums or not is up to you. My DM met one by chance (he doesn't charge for it or anything like that) and he told her some things, one of which was not generic and nobody she was with would have known - she met this man while visiting friends overseas. I don't think she knew whether to believe him or not but she took some comfort from it I think.

I think if you believe in an afterlife I think you'd be better off chatting to the person yourself. Many people ask for signs and whatnot and take comfort from that. I wouldn't go near a ouija board with a bargepole myself, I've never heard a positive story about one and they creep me out.

crazyhairdontcare · 27/10/2017 23:08

I actually sort of do believe in that kind of thing. But not via mediums. I think, that if you look hard enough there are little signs that our loved ones, or at least their energy, is still with us.

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 27/10/2017 23:08

OP they haven’t gone anywhere, just ceased to exist. As momentous as that is in the case of my powerhouse of a mum, she’s just a memory. I agree with what someone said earlier about enjoying the occasional dream. That and keeping her in memory in everyday life and conversation

DownbutnotfullyOut · 27/10/2017 23:10

Ouija boards, mediums and hot line to the dead are just junk ways of taking money from the vulnerable.

If you are really missing a recently deceased person - look into two things

grief counselling

lucid dreaming (where you effectively control your dream through your concious mind as you fall asleep) Sounds weird but sometimes having a great dream about someone no longer in your life can bring a great deal of comfort. You wake up feeling like you've just seen them - which in away you have.

neveradullmoment99 · 27/10/2017 23:10

I would probably never go down that road. I still cant believe though that when someone you have shared your life goes, thats it. You never see them again. Its totally shit.

I think you never get over the death of someone close to you it in reality. I think the only way to come to terms is to know that it was their time, not yours. Its hard and the closer you were , the bigger the hole in your life.

The fresh pain of loss however subsides and a new normal takes over in your life. At that point, life becomes more bearable simply because you just get on with it. The hole that's left from the loss still remains and the sadness is replaced by memories that are tinged with sadness and a mix of happiness.You learn to live around it and appreciate that you had that time with that person. That's the truth of it.

bottlesandcans · 27/10/2017 23:11

There is a Native American saying that things only exist for as long as the last person who remember them. You remember your loved one. They are with you. Take comfort x

Original poster

fullofhope03 · 27/10/2017 23:11

My DF was the biggest sceptic on earth and yet, he once said he wanted to go to a Doris Stokes evening so that he could get in touch with his Mum. I was astounded - so unlike him. But he had that...I don't know, sudden yearning to do something so madly out of the ordinary [for him] just to hear from her.
I have to say my bearevment is by no means recent. But keeps hitting me like a ton of bricks. Ridiculous I know. But I feel and have felt for some time, almost desperate and have no one to talk to about this. It's not 'normal' to feel like this 10 years on - wtf? Crazy.
It's self indulgent to say the least. And yet I want to 'talk' I put 'Trigger Warning' on the title because I was worried that getting in touch via Ouja boards or Mediums would be offensive and deeply disturbing to some. Sorry again.

OP posts:

seventeenlittleducks · 27/10/2017 23:12

Try going to a spiritualist church that does readings.
Do not mess around with ouija boards they're dangerous. Whether you believe or not.

Disinterested · 27/10/2017 23:13

OP it does get better, I promise you

When I lost someone very close I contemplated all sorts out of despair... a medium, ouija boards, running away and even suicide. not even a year on I have married my best friend and am 10 weeks away from having my baby boy.

If you need to chat then please PM me any time

Misspilly88 · 27/10/2017 23:13

In a word, no.

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 27/10/2017 23:13

Grief isn't linear and there is no normal way to feel. It can come in waves or resurface after a long time

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 27/10/2017 23:14

Nowt to be sorry for,clearly you still think of absent folk.
I’d caution against Ouija, psychics et al,it’s all hookum and won’t address your need
I hope you find a way to make peace and be happier,grief isn’t easy irrespective of time

DonkeyOaty · 27/10/2017 23:14

I want to, long to, speak with them, to hear their dear voices once more. But I know - and so do you, deep down - that is is not possible.

Counselling can help you. I wasn't able to even think of them without spiralling. I was shown ways to think about what happened, safely, techniques if you like. Very helpful and yes, healing, too.

You sound so sad. I'm proferring a really gentle squeeze across the ether.

Disinterested · 27/10/2017 23:14

Crossposted with OP, my sentiments still stand though xx

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