Bad, bad day.

[Undercoverbanana]

Two severe anxiety attacks at work. I broke things. Fainted once. Don't want to go into details in case it's outing. Boss and bosses boss want a chat with me in the morning. Please reassure me that I'm not going to lose my job or be in trouble. I'm struggling to think rationally.

Not signed off. GP referred me to the Wellbeing Team who provide counselling etc.

Return to the workplace? I have been battling this for 3 years.

I'm not in danger. I never drive when I'm not in control.

Deckoff - the princesses I work with seem to be terrified enough to complain about me. Lucky I'm not epileptic isn't it?

Yes - some of my triggers exist in the workplace. I have such low self-esteem that I feel I'm being attacked all the time. Other triggers are very specific and outing.

I'm sorry but you can't be in work behaving in this way. That's not acceptable for you or anyone else.

Can't understand why you're not signed off under the mental health act. Does your local hospital have a mental health department? I know someone who went in and asked and was given help. Good luck with everything.

I didn't ask to be signed off. I don't want to be a victim. I'm trying to beat this thing. I just begged them to do something so that work couldn't say I haven't tried otherwise they'll sack me.

I'm trying to save my job here.

I don't really see how the princesses are helping by getting me sacked. Perhaps they have never heard of mental illness? I find that quite hard to believe though.

I've been out for a massive run and I feel so much better.

The problem is still there, but I'm not on the edge of an anxiety attack now.

It is not about being a victim. You're not well. You need to be off work whilst you recover.
They're not being "princesses" though. You can't be smashing things and hitting your keyboard. Even if you do have anxiety.
You need to be signed off if you're too unwell to work.

Your right to work has to be balanced against your coworkers rights to a non threatening, professional workplace. And when you have one of these episodes it stops all normal work for everyone. There is an effect on everyone's productivity.

I don't think you should be sacked but I think it's perfectly reasonable for them to tell you that your illness needs to be under better control before you return.

Ok. So I'm getting my ducks in a row.

How do I proceed with regard to the colleagues who want me out? Part of me thinks I should approach them with "talk to my face, bitches, don't try to get me sacked." Obviously I can never trust these people again and I would normally completely reject such negative, back-stabby types from my life, but I'm going to have to work with them. How is that going to go? I just need to try to visualise it - it helps with the anxiety.

To be honest your attacks do sound frightening. I don’t think they’re being negative and back-stabby. If you’re smashing things and screaming in the office then you’re obviously not well enough to be there.

I really do mean this kindly. I suffer with chronic anxiety myself.

You don't speak to them about it. You have no idea they "want you out" and that comment comes across as scary and aggressive.
You really don't sound well enough to be in work. You need to be able to remain calm and professional.

I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this. Like yourself and another PP, I too suffer from chronic anxiety. It’s often happened in the workplace to me, and work is a frequent trigger for me.

Having said that, it must be intimidating for your colleagues to watch you smash your keyboard, break your mug etc. I’m not sure it’s fair to call them princesses, in their position I would be scared too. If your attacks are making you lose control to this extent, perhaps you’re not well enough to be working?

I mean that in the kindest possible way. I’m sorry.

Your panic attacks sound awful OP, bit if you are confused and can't remember afterwards it sounds like you need more help. Does your doctor know all the details? Can you call iapt and see what they recommend? I have panic attacks which are very overwhelming but I am always aware of what is happening. I hope you get some help. X x

If I worked with someone battling anxiety issues I would be concerned about helping them in a supportive way, not going to the bosses to get them sacked. These are people who have completely ignored me today and avoided eye contact in corridors. Now I understand why. They are making it quite clear that I am not wanted there.

My friends in the real world don't treat me like this when I have anxiety attacks. They support me. Just like I support them when they are in difficulties, physically, financially, mentally, logistically, practically.....

I wouldn't treat a work colleague like this.

I just can't visualise how to move forward with these people, but I need to understand how to.

They may be worried about you and actually quite frightened if you're having violent outbursts. It's not their role to support you like a friend would. They are there to do a job.
If you need support then you must get signed off and seek it. It's not you they don't want but that behaviour is unwanted in the workplace. If you're not well enough to control it then you really shouldn't be there.

I'm not sure regarding your colleagues, but agree they might be concerned/hesitant about your behaviour at work - they aren't friends, so don't know the "outside work" you that your friends and family know and love, if you see what I mean. Wolfie is right, you aren't a victim, you are unwell. Brilliant for trying to beat it yourself , but it hasn't helped your work life at the moment. Someone close to me has mental health issues, and it took a very long time for them to accept help.

Thank you for the replies. I have accepted help. I have been taking meds for years now and went through PTSD counselling and hypnotherapy.

Yesterday at work they told me be proactive or get into trouble, so I got a GP appointment, begged for referrals and tried to contact them but it was too late in the day. I have contacted MIND for support and legal advice. I have also contacted the union. I don't need to be off work - I haven't had an attack for months before this and am highly functioning.

I still maintain that I would NEVER treat someone with mental health issues this way, but hey ho. Would you tell someone with one leg to walk properly and not fall over? Would you tell someone with epilepsy not to have seizures? How is it ok to tell someone with anxiety attacks not to have an anxiety attack?

Anyway. I have been up most of the night working out how to proceed and getting my ducks in a row.

Can you kind people, please help me to visualise how I deal with colleagues going forward? Ignore them? Pretend nothing's happened? Visualisation is a technique I learned in hypnotherapy and it really helps but I'm struggling with this scenario.

I think I would tackle it head on. I’d email them all apologising if I scared them but explaining my condition. People are scared by things they don’t understand. Some may want to know what to do to help you if it happens again.

Thank you stormnigel. They all know. I am very open about it because I believe that is how the stigma against mental health issues can be broken. My boss has discussed with me what to do when it happens and asked my permission to share it with the team. I assumed she had. Perhaps I should check that (and keep all the emails, obviously .... Ducks in a row!)