Bad, bad day.

[Undercoverbanana]

Two severe anxiety attacks at work. I broke things. Fainted once. Don't want to go into details in case it's outing. Boss and bosses boss want a chat with me in the morning. Please reassure me that I'm not going to lose my job or be in trouble. I'm struggling to think rationally.

Really do get back to GP.

I'm so stressed about going in to work today. If there wasn't this "chat" looming, I could just scuttle in, keep my nut down and scuttle out again and somehow survive. I'm just going to be humiliated and made to feel stupid and inadequate. I've spent my whole life justifying myself and usually keep a confident, ballsy face on. Today it's just going to collapse.

Is there someone you can take into the chat with you? A kind co worker to give you some moral support so you don’t have to deal on your own?

I don't want anyone else there. I've been bullied at work in a previous place where people find out your weaknesses and get under your skin and use information to manipulate you and then bully you. This whole thing is going to be held against me. I can't help these anxiety attacks. I can't help how I feel. I fight so hard and it's never good enough. I am so shit. I put up this "don't fuck with me" front but inside I'm a mess.

Should I have my notice written so I can trump them? Can't think straight.

No don't have your notice written up.
They can't fire you for being anxious. They may ask you to go to the doctors and be signed off.
Is there any way you can share the triggers with us?
What can work do to support you?

You are not silly. You are sick. This isn't your fault.

Come back and let me know how you go.
I'll be here waiting
Good luck xxxx

I'm not going, I can't.

Have you called in sick?

I think you would feel better if you went. If you call them and schedule a time?

Think about it, in less the. 12 hours all the worry will be over. That's good thing.

I don't think I can speak. I am practising but I can't make words come out.

Email?

Want me to help you write it?

My old boss tried to put me on a disciplinary for not being able to speak. I need to speak.

I'm just no good for anything.

Ok

Call now and leave a message for them to call you back.

Then schedule an appointment with your doctor this morning.

Ask the office to call you late morning while you gather your thoughts. Wash and dress then go for a walk and walk and talk to distract you.

Shall we help you direct the conversation or do you want to let your boss lead?

Answer the questions honestly and remember it isn't your fault you are sick.

If you don't go today it will be worse tomorrow and that will spoil your weekend and so on. I know today will be a struggle but just think of the relief to get it over with. They have a duty of care to you, take deep breaths, tell yourself today will be ok and you can do this - you really can - it will be ok - you can really do this, it will be an hour at the most, then step outside for a moment or two. And you've done it and even if you have to apologise for whatever, remember you've done it. So go to work,relax,smile and remember you can do this.

Sorry name but if the OP has anxiety that may not actually be true.
Don't go in. See your GP. You're NOT good for nothing. That's the illness talking. You can help these anxiety attacks but NOT without proper professional help.

Can you email the Occupational Health team to explain a little?

What's the latest

Ok op?

I am being disciplined under the code of conduct for employees because my behaviour is unacceptable. Apparently my colleagues have said that I am violent and they are scared of me. I told HR that it isn't my behaviour because I had no control over it. They have told me that that is no excuse and what am I going to do about it? I said I didn't know and started crying and jumbling my words. They told me to go to the GP and I have. I asked for some kind of evidence that I've been and he gave me a stamped/signed note. I have the number of a Wellbeing Team. GP says that if I engage with that then it proves I'm being proactive.

I also rang MIND legal helpline. They told me to get the GP to write a letter saying that my mental health affects my day to day life so that I can't be discriminated against. GP said they only do this on request from a solicitor and that the onus should be on the employer to request my medical notes which means they have to get a solicitor.

How is my anxiety now, I wonder.

op...
Have you called the well being team?

My anxiety is in orbit.

Attacks - confusion, can't speak, weird breathing, pins and needles all over and I eventually sink to the ground and go into foetal position. Sometimes lose consciousness, sometimes scream, cry and kick.

Yesterday I was trying to fight the panic and (apparently - although I don't really remember) sent my mug flying and it smashed and I also banged the keyboard a lot.

Wellbeing Team were closed by the time I was able to call.

@Undercoverbanana I truly do not mean to be unkind or judgmental, but behavior of the type you describe places an unfair burden on your coworkers. I think you need to focus on getting your anxiety under better control before you can properly return to the workplace.

I'm hoping you have been signed off. What treatment have GP suggested.
You need urgent help with this.
If you're in danger please present to a and e or call crisis team.