Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Original poster

please please please someone tell me to stop worrying

36 replies

ssd · 15/09/2017 08:18

have had cbt, it didn't help

am so anxious and worried about my health, the future, money, my kids

I want to shake it off but it's gripped me

I just feel so utterly isolated and alone, even though have dh and the dc but I have no other family

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 15/09/2017 08:21

Do you mean you are specifically worse now or is are you posting about the ongoing situation?
Flowers

chocolateworshipper · 15/09/2017 15:47

Have you tried mindfulness?

Are you on ADs? Be honest with your GP.

Original poster
ssd · 15/09/2017 18:13

thank you

I've always been anxious and a worrier but I worry over health stuff till I'm mad with it, I see every little thing as a catastrophe

I dont think AD's would help, surely they just zone you out a bit, they dont actually stop you worrying?

OP posts:
chocolateworshipper · 15/09/2017 20:41

There are a lot of different ADs. Some have made me feel spaced out, but the ones I'm on now are just making me calmer

Wolfiefan · 15/09/2017 20:42

You need to call your GP. There is treatment for anxiety.

Original poster
ssd · 15/09/2017 21:32

I've just read a few threads on here saying AD's dont stop anxiety and I dont want to take them. I seem calm to anyone else, I sleep well and never miss work, but I wish I could just turn my mind off for a few days to give my brain a rest.

OP posts:
dippydeedoo · 15/09/2017 21:39

I'm where you are.
I've had numerous therapies been diagnosed with various stuff and I use mindfulness and cbt in my everyday life.
The difference between us is that I reluctantly agreed to anti depressants and feel a lot less worse than I did.
Sometimes you simply can't fix yourself and need to take them.
Life with anxiety is very hard don't make it harder.
Short term write your worries down,what can you do about them todaytomorrow or over the next few weeks? What is worst case scenario and how likely realistically will it come to that?.
Sometimes looking at your worries as if they are someone else's brings a sense of reality to it.
But please speak to your gp the support is there and life can get better.

Wolfiefan · 15/09/2017 21:44

You need to see your GPs. Different ADs work for different people. Don't discount them.

Squtternutbosch · 15/09/2017 21:50

You poor thing. I have been where you are now- I was there for at least a decade, in fact, and had a really bad relapse when I was pregnant. It's exhausting, lonely and terrifying, and you feel like no-one understands.

I was very very lucky and had some excellent and understanding GPs who supported me. Knowing I wasn't crazy or a hypochondriac also really helped. But in the end the only thing that really worked was a game I forced myself to play in my head- "what's more likely?". So, whatever it is i was worried about ("that spot looks like a lump, it's probably cancer") I forced myself to think of other, more mundane possibilities and then weighed them up against each other. At first, the anxiety-ridden part of me screamed "the bad thing, the bad thing is more likely" but over time, the rational side won out. It was simple, but effective. And I still do it.

It may not work for you. You've had CBT and I'm sure that was much better than my random shite! But regardless...you are not alone. You are not crazy. You have a mental health challenge and that's ok- that in itself is normal. Be totally honest and open with your GP and maybe consider a low dose anti-anxiety med if you don't like the thought of ADs. I never took ADs but did take propranolol for a while, which took the edge off.

And keep posting, if you need to. Remember. What's more likely?

SevenOf1981 · 15/09/2017 21:51

My husband suffers from anxiety and OCD. It has waxed and waned over the years, but now we have DD, it's become worse.
He also tried CBT which helped take it back to the basics, but didn't get rid.
He's had no choice but to head back to the GP.
The anti anxiety drugs, ssri's and anti depressants seemed to get lumped into the AD label, and they're not. They work differently on different pathways, hormones, transmitters etc.
DH is on fluoxetine and it has made it initially worse, but that's expected. I'm just hoping that once he's up to the dose required, we will see some improvement.
What I've read is that it will make the anxiety that comes from his compulsions less and he won't 'care' as much that he hasn't done the behaviour to 'make it better'.
Please don't pooh pooh the medications available. I've had to tell my DH that if something was wrong with his kidneys he would without question take tablets if required. Why the brain is different I don't know.
Pm me if you have any Q's. I hope you find peace of mind.

Original poster
ssd · 16/09/2017 09:56

thank you

I've got good gp's, I think. I've sat in the surgery and cried. They referred me for CBT, which I had...but I dont know if I or the therapist was sort of ticking the boxes. Some of it stays with me and I try to remember to use it.

Its hard to explain how I feel. And to me its normal. But on a recent night out, I told other girls how I feel and they all said that's not normal, the only one like me is my friend who was on AD's. I dont feel like I'm always down or depressed, I eat and sleep well and my stomach only churns when my health anxiety kicks in over something that others would dismiss, like the poster with the lump
above.

But I feel like there's a heaviness to me, a weight that I carry that's always there, a consciousness that I should be all light and airy and I'm a bit heavy and dead weight. Like I'm carrying something on my shoulders and I cant shake it off or even understand what it is. Like I'm carrying an extra burden. I know a lot of it is my family background, where I am in my family and the effect it has on me. And knowing my parents are dead and effectively my family has come to an end. I love dh and the dc's, but that's different.

I dont know where I'm going with all this. I just know there's a weight to me I want rid of and I honestly dont know if pills are the answer. I talked to the CBT counsellor, but I feel like ten minutes talking to a wise, older mum who has been where I am now would settle me and take a bit of the burden away. But there's no one left in my life like that now.

I feel like I need grounded. But now that's not there I need to be the one doing the grounding and that's not the answer. I just struggle with stuff I can't fix.

OP posts:
Original poster
ssd · 16/09/2017 10:02

I'm on a constant edge of waiting for something bad to happen. And I can't see an alternative, I can't imagine living positively. That what I need to learn.

OP posts:
Original poster
ssd · 16/09/2017 10:12

sorry to ramble on but writing it down helps

I feel like there's nothing to look forward to, like the future is big and scary and I'm going to be like my mum, left alone for years and being just left...and not having a me around to be there.

I panic at changes. My op was brought about by ds1's change of circumstances and I panicked he is moving out. But at his age I had moved out and was travelling the world. I want him to move on, to have a full and happy life, that's all I want for my kids. I'd never ever stop them, I wasn't stopped. But the change panics me, inside, it sends my head into a tailspin of "someone else leaving me".
I want to embrace the next stage of my life, but all I can see if health deteriorating, people dying and kids moving on, and me being alone. I want to be positive, but my anxiety stops me. I wish it would just fuck right off.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 17/09/2017 12:46

Still listening though I don't know how to help. I think I'm starting to understand a little

Original poster
ssd · 17/09/2017 19:58

thanks spb

I dont think theres much to help me, except time

dh has been good these last few days, he listens to me and is very level headed and helps me not to feel too alone, he sort of grounds me

we've never had much time together, never had babysitters or money for time out, but now the dc's are older we're starting to spend a bit more time together and I'm realising he's good for me and I appreciate that. I panic when we argue, I feel if I dont have him then I dont have anyone and I dont really.

Its strange, if you met me you'd think I was a really strong person, I think I'm getting less strong and more vulnerable as I'm getting older.

OP posts:
Mushroomburger17 · 17/09/2017 20:14

I feel the same ame as you. All I'll say is that i think CBT is great but its not the only type of counselling. If you've got the cash pay to see a counsellor. Ive had the nhs cbt and it was very rigid. Im now seeing a private counsellor and the approach is completely different and I've got high hopes.

Not to be an amateur psychologist, but is your anxiety linked to the death of your parents? Ultimately I think mine is. It makes total sense.

Wolfiefan · 17/09/2017 20:29

Pills aren't the only answer. Neither is CBT. BUT there are things that can help. I would go back to your GP.

Original poster
ssd · 17/09/2017 21:00

yes mushroom, that and the realisation my siblings don't care about me the way I care about them

sounds pathetic, but I feel I lost them when mum died and there's only me left now

I'd like to see a private counsellor but can't afford to make a costly mistake if its a waste of time, I'd pay for the right one but how to find them?

OP posts:
Mushroomburger17 · 17/09/2017 21:07

Yes I feel I lost my whole family unit too.

I just googled for mine. Have found a nice lady. It's £45 an hour and I just book as i go. I may only go once a month if money is extra tight.

I tried pills but had a bad reaction. I want to get to the bottom of it all through talking.

Original poster
ssd · 17/09/2017 21:15

Thats exactly what I want. I know it sounds daft but what did you google?

OP posts:
Mushroomburger17 · 17/09/2017 21:19

Just counsellors and my city. A whole list came up with a photo and a biography of themselves and what they specialise in. The initial appointment was £15. I do feel lucky that she is so flexible. I just told her I couldn't afford every week. I was having horrific panic attacks. I've only been 3 times so far but she's nice and good.

Original poster
ssd · 17/09/2017 21:28

does she specializes in family issues then, or was it bereavement?

I'll google and see what comes up

OP posts:
Original poster
ssd · 17/09/2017 21:58

jeez, I just googled and there were 15 counsellors to choose from, the one I choose costs £95 for 50 minutes, there's no way I'm paying that....why are they so expensive Sad

OP posts:
Mushroomburger17 · 18/09/2017 06:28

It's person centred therapy and she does have specific training in bereavement but we haven't even really touched on that yet.

Bloody hell ! That's so expensive. Keep looking.

Pensionista · 18/09/2017 06:56

I am a retired hypnotherapist/psychotherapist.....also an ex NLP Practioner. I can see very clearly that if you get the right therapist you can be helped tremendously. You have to make sure they are backed by an accredited organisation, you just ask them and then you can research or phone the organisation. The money can be a problem, but I sometimes would reduce the price for some cases. If you told them your circumstances at an initial consultation you may find someone who would do this for you. I noticed you talked about "a heavy weight" on your shoulders quite a lot, a good therapist would work with that. Also time line therapy to take you back to the original cause of your anxiety. Hypnosis is just a very relaxed state, which the therapist guides you into. You can also learn self hypnosis to relax as well. I am so sorry you are suffering when you dont need to. It's a horrible feeling, but take heart you can and will get better with the right help. When you are anxious you body is actually at it's strongest, ie fight or flight but it has to learn you don't have to be in that state for no good reason. I hope this helps a little. There will be a time you will look back at this and realise how amazing you are.