It's serious now isn't it

[StupidSlimyGit]

Don't have anyone IRL who I can talk to really and I don't know what to do now so I hope anyone reading doesn't mind me having a little rant.

I've had so much going on in my life that I've been struggling a lot recently. Had an emergency appointment with my psychiatrist the other day who said inpatient care is the option he thinks would be best for me. I just sobbed, DD (not even a year old) is too old for a mother and baby unit so I would have to be without her till released. Even if I could convince her dad to bring her to see me she wouldn't be allowed to visit because the MH unit don't allow visitors under 16YO so I would have to miss weeks if not more of my DDs life.
I've turned it down which he has said for the time being that he will accept but that if things don't improve I will have the choice taken out of my hands. Just feel hopeless. DD1 died a few years ago and the terror at being separated from DD2 is something I can't describe.
Her dad has tried to involve social (even though we are still living in the same property so he knows DD is safe and looked after) because he now wants to be rehoused with DD and have full custody (he has told me this). My CPN thankfully received the call from them and has said that as she visits me and DD every week along with DD having specialist appointments every month which I always attend we can expect no further involvement because DD is obviously fine.
The whole situation is just messing me up though. I feel like I can't talk to my psychiatrist anymore and that I have to pretend I'm feeling better when I'm not just so that I can keep my DD.
Her dad has now gone round where we both work telling everyone lies about me and causing problems. I've been signed off indefinitely because I'm not coping. His gf who he cheated on me with has started causing trouble there as well. Only problem is I HAVE to go back in a week because my company sick will run out and her father is not willing to pay half of the bills (he pays about 25-30%) so I can't afford to be on SSP even with child benefit and my PIP. I'm going to be going back just for him and her to push me further. Went on the benefits calculator and because of the universal credit even if the council offer me a place I will have to turn it down. I can't afford to rent anywhere alone so I'm trapped.
On top of that I had an accident a few years ago and need some operations to fix my issues but I can't have them and still look after DD while she's still so little so I'm living in chronic pain every day and having to pretend everything is fine. If DD wasn't here I don't think I would be anymore. It's just too much.
I just want to be well and to enjoy my DDs company without my MH issues and all this crap hanging over us.
Don't really know why I've posted but I need to tell someone thank you if you've made it this far.

I don't have any advice just a hand to hold xxx

Sending you huge, huge hugs OP xx

That sounds so difficult I know what it's like to wish MH issues would just go away. Hugs.

Shit that so unfair.
Do you have supportive parents?

OP it sounds like you have been through a horrendous time. Is there another private therapist you could see? Someone who you don't have to hide your true feelings from? Do you take any medication?

I'm very sorry that things are so tough for you right now

Is there anyone you could talk to that might be able to help you in your situation? Not so much with the mental health but with your living arrangements and getting out of the property? Horror? Health visitor? Maybe call your local council and ask to speak to the housing officer? Mental health issues are a terrible terrible thing for anyone to deal with and you have clearly been through so much recently. I know I can't offer much advice but a hand gold and your way.

*Sorry not horror gp

OP that sounds really tough. I would ask your CPN if there is a social worker in their team who can help you. The council have a legal reponsibility to find you suitable housing as a priority because currently you are a vulnerable adult due to your mental health needs and your current living situation is not acceptable and is making your mental health worse. They won't volunteer to do this though! When DH was homeless his CPN went into the housing office with him and suddenly he was found a temporary place that day and a perminant flat in 1 week. It wouldn't have happened without his CPNs help though. At the time he was put on housing benefit and ESA no PIP, it was tight but just do able. His CPN found a charity to help furnish the flat. Theres some good advice on rethink website about housing law and mental health.

Hi op. I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. Please don't try and hide the way you are feeling. You may be away from your dd for a few weeks but it might be much needed to get you well again. The rules around young children and mh units do seem very unfair and I often worry about that if I was to ever be admitted. I would encourage you to go in if you feel you need to though as you need to be well for yourself and your precious dd

Sorry had the bedtime fight with DD. Thank you for the hugs, handholds and kind words.
Parents are miles away on the other side of the country. We are in contact more now DD is born but they definitely aren't supportive. Very religious and I'm the disappointment.
Can't afford private therapy sadly and am in the process on being put on meds but not yet started them. Psychiatrist has said my depression is situational and that medication won't help with that because it is caused by everything that has happened in my life and is happening. I am however getting anti psychotics for my PTSD and personality disorder. I have an appointment to discuss this further and start them this week.
GP are awful, though I do have a HV appointment this week so will mention it then.
My CPN is more than happy to help me be rehoused and the local council have finally let me start the ball rolling on applications but that's when we did the calculator and discovered I physically can't afford the bills if I'm on universal credit. Gas, electric, rent, council tax, travel to all of mine and DDs hospital appointments (can be £15 a day), and a £15 phone bill leave me something like £20 a week to live off. Worse still if I move out he has decided he will fight for full custody of DD with me on supervised visiting, he keeps trying to claim I'm a danger to our DD. Plus he earns much more than me (so looks like a better home) and has legal cover so can afford a decent lawyer. I mentioned to my CPN that he had said this and she said I'm not a danger to DD and they have no welfare concerns but that if he was awarded custody then it was just one of those things I'd have to live with while I tried to fight it. I can't lose my daughter. I don't get why they don't understand this. I've already carried ones coffin down the isle I should have watched her walk down on her wedding day I cannot lose her.

holelottachange The logical part of my brain understands what you are saying but a massive part of my anxiety is about DD, even the psychiatry and CPN have admitted this. I can't sleep if I can't check she is breathing every time I wake up (usually 7-8 times a night), I have panic attacks if I leave her to go anywhere other than work (my minds busy there so I can stave them off usually). I keep having flashbacks to DD1 dying and keep seeing DD2 in her place or having nightmares about her having anything happen. I genuinely would be much worse if we were separated.

I'm really sorry you're going through all this right now OP. Could you ask your CPN about any mental health supported housing there may be in the area? Some units allow children and they are so, so helpful. I really hope things improve for you

Some Perinatal Mental health hospitals do allow babies to stay up to a year. My daughter was 12 months and was still able to come and stay with me in hospital. Is there a Perinatal community team who could also support you?

I'll ask about the supported housing, my only worry if they did say yes would be that I'm in the exact same position RE money. I should really just shut up and stay till she's older and I can do more hours at work because I would get some free childcare.
My psychiatrist is from the perinatal MH team, he's the one who said she's too old to join me (10 months).

OP

Can you claim PIP for DD as well as for yourself? Just wondering if that would help with the costs of the travel if you arn't already getting this.

I am recovering from PTSD myself, the most amazing thing was something called IEMT ( integrated eye movement therapy ) from an NLP (neurolinguistic programming ) therapist privately. It was £60 per session and completely cured the PTSD in 2 sessions. Best money I've ever spent. The psychologist I saw before him was just making it worse each time.

Oh you poor love, it's no wonder you're suffering with anxiety and depression with all that has happened to you. I'm so sorry to hear you lost your precious DD

I agree with pp that you need specialist therapy for PTSD, such as EMDR or hypnotherapy with a therapist who is experienced in working with trauma. I know that therapy can be expensive, but did you know that many therapists will offer reduced price sessions for people in need who can evidence a low income? Could you google some in your area to see who will offer that?

Other options are charities such as Anxiety UK, Mind, etc. If you should happen to be in South London, St George's in Tooting offer a specialist trauma service.

I have felt anxiety about my DD's safety during the night, and have found a breathing monitor to be an absolute godsend. We use the Snuza and it is fab. I can sleep soundly knowing it will alarm very quickly if it doesn't detect movement. Well worth the money for the peace of mind, if you can afford it.

Once you have cleared the trauma, you will be in a much better position to defend yourself from your horrible XH.

So sorry about your mental health and your DD1.

Not got much general advice but specifically your benefits issue if you lose your job and move out- I don't think you'd need to pay for rent and council tax as you'd get housing benefit and council tax benefit? Also are you taking into account child benefit and child tax credits? Can you get some welfare rights advice, mauve even over the phone- try googling benefits advisors in your area, citizens advice are usually good.

Some benefits allow you to claim a refund on fares for hospital appointments, ESA, for example. If you are unwell enough to be offered inpatient care and already in receipt of PIP, you would definitely be eligible to claim that.

I have read some of your previous threads and your DD's dad is not helping your mental health at all. Didn't he set you up to be sexually harassed by a senior colleague so he could shag the woman he is seeing now? Your priority is you and your baby, either push to be rehoused asap or move back nearer to your parents.

Just suggesting this - your Ex has been and is being emotionally abusive to you.

Speak to Woman's Aid and go into a refuge. I think away from him and work you will actually feel an awful lot better fairly quickly!

Lovey, I've only seen this one thread and I couldn't read and run.
Here's another hand to hold.
Does your CPN know about the emotional abuse? He or she need to get onto Vulnerable Adults Social Care. The pp upthread was right, Women's Aid may be able to help as well. The number is

0808 2000 247

[email protected]

Also my darling, your psychiatrist has said your MH is triggered by trauma and is situational. Get soneone to help you get out of your situation, is there a Family Intensive type support team on Social Care? This is why your CPN needs to start referring you.
You will be able to get more help than you think.
Once you get some positive changes going you will feel a lot stronger in dealing with your toxic sounding exP. Getting away from him is the prority.
Lastly but not least, I am so sorry about your DD.

Is there no way the inpatient place could bend the rules for you, if they knew how much being away from DD tortures you? Maybe your GP could help you negotiate with them? It sounds like something they should do for you if they know the circumstances.

I have been a MH inpatient, and although it was awful at the time, I can hand on heart say that it was the best thing I ever did, and it kickstarted the happy life I have now.

You sound like a strong lady - you have got through so much already, and I really hope and believe you can come through this.

Big hugs hugs hugs

How are you today Op?

I don't really know how I'm doing today, just looking after DD.
DD thankfully wouldn't qualify for PIP, her issues are surrounding allergies and she has issues accepting solids hence regular appointments but she is well.
I don't count as having a low income because her dad earns a substantially larger amount than me, none will listen to the fact that we are separated just under the same roof and everything is done by "household" income instead of separate ones.
I can get EMDR on the NHS in my area, (nowhere near London) but there's a two year waiting list. I have an appointment with a psychologist at the end of the month to hopefully join the list.
We did the benefits calculator as if I was not working, because I live in a universal credit area I won't get tax credits etc just a monthly payment which only just covers my bills. I didn't know about refunds to travel though. If they still do this in UC areas then I might be able to just scrape through.
I'm wary of women's aid but when I had a traumatic experience with the man I lived with at 19 they were less than no help and made me feel very much that what happened was my own fault. I actually had to flee the refuge in the end when they 'accidentally' told him where I was.
Can't move to be with my parents. It isn't an option at all. I can't safely live in that city and they would not support me even if I could.
CPN knows what is going on at home but she hasn't made any referrals because DD is fine and looked after well and there are no concerns with her at all.
I'm not trying to be awkward and I appreciate the support it just all seems so bloody hopeless. You need family to do anything and though me and my parents are talking now after years of NC I certainly couldn't rely on them because they have other priorities. This whole mess has just emphasized how alone I actually am hence why I'm so grateful to the people here.

Hi OP,

It does sound tough. I take it that you did your benefits calculator based on living alone, not taking into account DDs dad's income. Also it would be worth looking at what he would need to pay in child support through CSA website based on you being DDs resident parent.

I completely and utterly get why you are scared about being away from DD. I came very close to losing my eldest DD, and for a long time afterwards could only sleep for a couple of hours a night, was in a constant state of high alert listening out for her moving during the night, listening out for the phone etc. Even now, 3 years later, I can't truly rest. And this is only after NEARLY losing her.

I am so incredibly sorry for your loss and for the incredible amount you are having to deal with in your life. The only advice I can think of is to talk to Citizens Advice Bureau and see if they can help with finances and housing.

I'm also not convinced your psychiatrist is right about ADs not helping. They could help lift your mood enough so that all the challenges you face aren't quite as over-whelming and help clear the fog so you can start to make some decisions about what you really want.

I wish you all the very best.