Don't have anyone IRL who I can talk to really and I don't know what to do now so I hope anyone reading doesn't mind me having a little rant.
I've had so much going on in my life that I've been struggling a lot recently. Had an emergency appointment with my psychiatrist the other day who said inpatient care is the option he thinks would be best for me. I just sobbed, DD (not even a year old) is too old for a mother and baby unit so I would have to be without her till released. Even if I could convince her dad to bring her to see me she wouldn't be allowed to visit because the MH unit don't allow visitors under 16YO so I would have to miss weeks if not more of my DDs life.
I've turned it down which he has said for the time being that he will accept but that if things don't improve I will have the choice taken out of my hands. Just feel hopeless. DD1 died a few years ago and the terror at being separated from DD2 is something I can't describe.
Her dad has tried to involve social (even though we are still living in the same property so he knows DD is safe and looked after) because he now wants to be rehoused with DD and have full custody (he has told me this). My CPN thankfully received the call from them and has said that as she visits me and DD every week along with DD having specialist appointments every month which I always attend we can expect no further involvement because DD is obviously fine.
The whole situation is just messing me up though. I feel like I can't talk to my psychiatrist anymore and that I have to pretend I'm feeling better when I'm not just so that I can keep my DD.
Her dad has now gone round where we both work telling everyone lies about me and causing problems. I've been signed off indefinitely because I'm not coping. His gf who he cheated on me with has started causing trouble there as well. Only problem is I HAVE to go back in a week because my company sick will run out and her father is not willing to pay half of the bills (he pays about 25-30%) so I can't afford to be on SSP even with child benefit and my PIP. I'm going to be going back just for him and her to push me further. Went on the benefits calculator and because of the universal credit even if the council offer me a place I will have to turn it down. I can't afford to rent anywhere alone so I'm trapped.
On top of that I had an accident a few years ago and need some operations to fix my issues but I can't have them and still look after DD while she's still so little so I'm living in chronic pain every day and having to pretend everything is fine. If DD wasn't here I don't think I would be anymore. It's just too much.
I just want to be well and to enjoy my DDs company without my MH issues and all this crap hanging over us.
Don't really know why I've posted but I need to tell someone thank you if you've made it this far.