Name-changed for this as I haven't told anyone in real life about this.
I feel really down, and have been feeling like this for a very long time.
I'm not sure if these feelings are genetic (if that's possible) or perhaps learned behaviour, as I think that these sorts of feelings also tend to run in my family. Many of us in my family seem to have a 'glass half-empty' outlook and all of us worry a lot in general as well, and will often mention how stressed we all feel.
I know that my DMum and DAunt often feel like this, as well as my DDad and a couple of other close relatives. For example, my Dad has been known to say things like 'oh I'll go and top myself' or 'I'll just sod off then and you won't ever see me again' (not directly to me). I think others in my family have also had these sorts of thoughts.
I'm so sorry for being so blunt here and for not beating about the bush - I just feel as if I need to get my thoughts out.
It's now got to the point where I see suicide as a viable way of just escaping life and ending everything. I've been feeling this way for a very long time (around four or five years at least, now). It's almost something that I can rationalise and normalise, and it has got to the point where I feel surprised if anyone else mentions in passing that they've never felt particularly depressed or down. (I do absolutely understand that people experience things like depression or anything like that differently, and also that people may not like to talk about whether they are, or have ever, experienced depression or similar feelings).
A long time ago now, a few acquaintances (as well as a very close friend of mine) all took their own lives within a few years. This was a huge shock, and perhaps I'm still getting used to it. Perhaps this is what has led me to think that suicide is a viable option.
Thanks everyone 