Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To just want to give up.

27 replies

bloodynoris · 06/08/2017 21:23

Seriously not sure how much more I can take with constantly being ill. Suffer from crohns and have started flaring today. In so much pain. Getting pains like I need the toilet but all that is coming out is blood and mucas. I'm at the lowest of the lowest at the moment. 5 years ago was diagnosed with cancer and I am just wishing they hadn't found the cancer and I was left alone peacefully to die. Going through a very hard patch with my husband at the moment, haven't really got no friends. People drop you very quickly when you can't go out on nights out or have to cancel at short notice. Not close to my family. This sounds really bizarre but the only thing that is keeping me from over dosing is my dog and what he would do without me but at the moment I'm thinking about both of us taking too many tablets. Why didn't the hospital just leave me and let die 5 years ago?

OP posts:
Nectarines · 06/08/2017 21:44

I haven't anything practical to say but I'm sorry you're feeling so low. You've got a lot going on and it's understandable that it's getting on top of you.

Sweetpea302 · 06/08/2017 21:48

Please please don't give up. I wish I had something really wise to tell you, but all I do know is that the seriously low times of my life have always been followed by far better ones. I truly believe that this is the case for you too - no matter how hard that is to believe. Seek help, please. Call your GP tomorrow and tell them how you feel.

In the mean time, hug that gorgeous dog of yours and remember how much happiness you can bring each other.

Ojoj1974 · 06/08/2017 21:48

Please don't give up. You sound as though you have a lot going on at the moment and could do with lots of support 💐
Are you in touch with the Crohns support network on your area? Can you find some like minded friend/ fellow sufferers?

bestwayforward · 06/08/2017 21:49

Sorry you having a hard time right now, tomorrow is a new day, things may not be so bad tomorrow. Maybe you can have a chat with ur gp, they may be able to put you in touch with a support group.

Goldenphoenix · 06/08/2017 21:52

I am so sorry to read your post. I have Crohn's and it is shit (literally) but it all runs in phases, you could be so much better in a month or two. Sounds like you are in a really rough place, an online forum for Crohn's might provide some support in the meantime. Be kind to yourself and just take each day as it comes.

Amiable · 06/08/2017 21:54

So sorry you are going through this. I also have chronic illness, Addison disease, HNPP, hypothyroidism and IBS. I know exactly what you mean about friends dropping you, and the emotional toll chronic illness has on your life. Sending you unmumsnetty hugs.

Original poster
bloodynoris · 06/08/2017 21:55

Thank you for taking time to reply to me. I'm in so much pain taken all the pain relief I can. Going to the toilet every 15-20 mins. I hate this disease so much it's caused me nothing but trouble. I don't know what to do now. I can't phone in sick as will loose my job, my husband isn't interested has heard me go a toilet a lot and cry with pain but as just carried on watching tv. My face feels like it's on fire but I'm cold at the same time.

OP posts:
WombatStewForTea · 06/08/2017 21:56

Really sorry to hear this. I'm a fellow Crohn's sufferer.
What's the process where you are to get on some meds? How long is it since your last flair up?
Flowers

lovemycatsanddog · 06/08/2017 22:03

I am sorr you are suffering with Crohns, my daughter has this too,
At the moment she is in remission, and has been for a long time, but there are signs of it flaring up again,
I can imagine how ill you atre feeling from when my daughter first became ill with it
Please see your Gp, and get some help soon, also let your dog be a comfort for you,look after each other

Mysteriouscurle · 06/08/2017 22:06

Is there a specialist helpline you have access to for advice? Sorry no advice. Just keep holding on for your lovely doggie. I do hope things improve for you

Original poster
bloodynoris · 06/08/2017 22:08

I'm currently on azathrophine, a new one called allopurinol and various pain relief. I'm waiting to see if I can get approved for the humria injections. Haven't flared this badly for about 8 months. I'm feeing totally rotten tonight. I want to sleep but can't due to the pain. I just want to fall asleep and never wake up. No one in real life understands how I feel. I'm on support groups on Facebook but worried someone will see my posts on there. I'm thinking I need hospital admission for iv steroids but I know if I don't go to work tomorrow then I will fail my probation.

OP posts:
Original poster
bloodynoris · 06/08/2017 22:09

I've had it for 8 years now but am really struggling today.

OP posts:
Buthewasstillhungry · 06/08/2017 22:14

Please don't give up.

Life is fucking hard especially when you're ill but sweetened and sometimes lightened by simple friendships, one of my closest friend has fibromyalgia and it really gets her down having to cancel arrangements all the time and she gets so bored in bed all the time so I get how you must be feeling.
You are the only you in this world and your uniqueness is of great value to the world. Don't give up.
Flowers

Original poster
bloodynoris · 06/08/2017 22:31

I don't know what to do. Have just counted all my pain relief out and I'm sitting here staring at it. It's like it's talking to me saying go on take us all. I have my dog cuddled up to me on the bathroom floor. I definitely have enough to take to fall asleep forever.

OP posts:
Buthewasstillhungry · 06/08/2017 22:37

If you're genuinely feeling like ending your life you need to ring the samaritans or even 111.
Your dog would pine for you and would be heart broken.
Please just take each minute at a time and breathe.
Things won't look so bleak in the morning.
Flowers

Have you go an friends or relatives you can call in rl?

PurpleDaisies · 06/08/2017 22:41

Op you need to talk to someone.

Can you go and tell your husband you've got your pills counted out and you are contemplating taking them all?

The Samaritans will always listen x

mlockyear · 06/08/2017 22:46

I've got tears in my eyes reading this. Please just cuddle your dog and try and get through the night. Hopefully you will feel better tomorrow. Go back to your GP and explain how it is making you feel.

Zafodbeeblbrox10 · 06/08/2017 22:50

Don't. You're obviously a strong individual to have put up with this for all this time. It's just another test. Keep on fighting for yourself, and your beloved dog. Remember, "The night is always darkest just before the dawn"

FlakeBook · 06/08/2017 22:50

OP, don't give up. First of all, you can't go to work. Your condition is a disability under the Equality Act and to treat you less favourably because of it is breaking the law.

This will not last forever. You can and will get better and feel better. Life is shit tonight but please don't throw away the future happy times. You are worth more.

Please speak to a doctor?

Funnyface1 · 06/08/2017 22:52

Please reach out to someone. Anyone. It will get better than this, keep trying.

ThePinkOcelot · 06/08/2017 23:00

((())) OP. Are you under a consultant with a gastro specialist nurse? If so, do you have their helpline number? Can you ring tomorrow morning?
You can't go to work feeling like that. Do they know you have Crohn's disease? It's a disability OP, they can't just get rid of you. Your DH needs a kick up the arse as well!!

MNHQ
IonaMumsnet · 06/08/2017 23:05

Hello OP, we are so sorry to hear you're having to put up with all this. It sounds horrible, and it sounds to be making things really hard for you at the moment.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

Original poster
bloodynoris · 07/08/2017 07:03

Managed to fall asleep last night but was up and down using the toilet. My husband got up for work and didn't even ask how I was. All he said was my wages are going to be short this month as no over time so you need to go in to work. I'm in pain still. I don't know how I can get through the day. I have an ibd nurse but she isn't great as getting back to me same as my gp if I book an appointment today won't be seen till September. I'm only here for my little dog. I just want to run away with him and forget about everything

OP posts:
Buthewasstillhungry · 07/08/2017 08:52

Well could you do that? It sounds like your DH is not being very compassionate.
Could you go to the CAB to enquire about where you're entitled to more benefits?

Original poster
bloodynoris · 07/08/2017 20:39

Well tried to get a gp appointment today and was told the earliest they could see me is the 12th of September so that doesn't help at all.

I really wish I could get up and go but haven't a clue where I would go. Unfortunately I am the main wage earner in my marriage so going on benefits isn't going to help as I will just stress more about being able to afford bills and things.

I really don't know where to turn to next.

OP posts: