As above really. I'm in my thirties and have pretty much felt like this my whole life.
To me life feels painful and sad, I see no real point in it. I just suffer.
I know many of you will tell me to go to the doctors because i sound hideously depressed but i have tried everything over the years. I really have. Ive been on antidepressants, NLP therapy, talking therapy, overhauling my diet, supplementation, you name it ive tried it. While some of them have worked for a short time, I always without fail end up back at this low point which seems to be the frequency on which my life runs. I suffered terribly for 10 years in my early twenties with crippling OCD, its a lot better now but it's like an addiction and never quite leaves you.
I live with my parents due to financial difficulties and have done for two years now to sort myself out which i have done. However, now i have sorted myself out I realise i have no actual means of moving on and out of the family home, (which I have no choice as my parents need to sell and relocate for their retirement which I have already 'ruined' for them, they dont want me here). Ill never buy my own house and rental prices have soared in the two years since I have been at home, not that they weren't high enough before, that's what partly got me into the financial mess i was in.
I work seven days a week and just cant do anymore to earn much needed cash. I seem to get on really well with everyone in my work places but when it comes to friendships, I literally have none. I dont have any friends, I have no boyfriend as we split up when I had to move back home two years ago. I have no idea why anyone would want to be my friend and have felt like this again all m y life including school age.
I see people around me who have things I am 'supposed' to be working towards, a house, a family, a career but if I look close to home, my parents, my older sister, my brother, they have all of the above and are still miserable. I think to myself, I do not want to end up like these people they have it all and are miserable. I think to myself if this is all there is to life then I dont want it. I dont want to end up like these people doing jobs they dont like, just to pay for a house they dont really like but can afford, in relationships that just dont seem very happy, with kids they didnt want or in my parents case living with their 30 odd year old daughter they dont want to live with.
If there was a door I could walk through to get out of this I would.