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Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

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Original poster

to consider putting my children into care

72 replies

toomuchshit · 08/06/2017 16:35

Just on a temporary basis so i can get some help. I am not in a good way. I fantasise about suicide. I have researched lots of options but none are guaranteed. I don't want to die I just want everything to stop. I have no support, no friends, no family. My children don't deserve a mum who can barely cope. I don't know how much I can deal with. I don't want to deal with it anymore

OP posts:

notanevilstepmother · 08/06/2017 17:12

Rather than NHS 24, google the number for your mental health crisis team, or go to a and e if you can.

Thinking of you, you can get past this horrible time.

notanevilstepmother · 08/06/2017 17:13

Oh that's useful to know palace.

mrsBeverleygoldberg · 08/06/2017 17:19

You need to get medical help. I worry that without having to get up every day to look after your dcs you will become more ill. You need to tell your doctor immediately about how ill you feel. Are you taking medication for your depression now?
I've been suicidal in the past. There isn't a quick fix, but knowing how you feel and being proactive is a really good start. You are stronger than you think. Keep fighting and when you are exhausted remember your dcs. You are the most important person in their lives. They need you. You can get better.

Serialweightwatcher · 08/06/2017 17:31

I just want to wish you well ... must be awful for you. Keep in mind though that you are being so strong and sensible in trying to look after your kids first when you feel as bad as you do - wishing you all the very best and hope you get help soon

Original poster

toomuchshit · 08/06/2017 17:34

I am on medication but it can't be increased, I'm on the highest dose. I will call when the kids go to bed. Faking being ok is exhausting.

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Mummamayhem · 08/06/2017 17:38

Speak to the school. They are best placed to monitor the wellbeing of your children and will want to support you to help them.someone in school needs to be checking in with them to see how they are, if the children know you are happy for them to talk to school staff they will have a secure outlet. School can sometimes offer in school parenting support or help refer you to other services. If school also refer to childrens services or mh services it will only help reinforce your needs. Keep talking to people, it's great you want to make changes now before you really have crisis.

Original poster

toomuchshit · 08/06/2017 17:41

I went to the schooling broke down to the head. I have (or had) a role at the school and I couldn't deal with the pressure so I handed my notice in. She said my children are wonderful and don't seem to be suffering. I don't want that to change. I don't want my fucked upness to effect my kids negatively

OP posts:

LimpidPools · 08/06/2017 17:47

You are being so brave by looking for help. Please, don't let your illness persuade you that they would be better off without you.

You love them and want the best for them, so however chaotic you feel that you are, they will do better with you alive than they would with you permanently gone because you were dead.

Please, keep holding on. They DO need you.

mrsBeverleygoldberg · 08/06/2017 17:55

I get the faking normality is exhausting, I do it less now. When I was really ill neither of my dcs noticed. I've asked the eldest one. The depression is telling you they don't need you. It's not true. It took some photos from my holiday last year of just me and my dcs that made me realise that they do need me. I thought I was the same as a housekeeper (if that...) to them.

LittleGwyneth · 08/06/2017 17:55

Sending all the positive thoughts and love

Do what you think you need to. If there's no family around for support, there's nothing wrong with using the safety net that is there to help you and your children.

You're very, very brave.

angryladyboobs · 08/06/2017 17:58

You're doing your best.

Original poster

toomuchshit · 08/06/2017 17:59

Im not brave and I'm not strong. Im anything but. If I died tomorrow the only people who wold notice are my kids. I need to stay safe for them

OP posts:

MNHQ

DawnMumsnet · 08/06/2017 18:00

Hello toomuchshit, we are really sorry to hear you're feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek real life help and support as well.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly, as this is our standard policy for any threads of this nature.

We can see that you're getting some really good advice and support here, so please keep talking. We really hope you're okay.

mrsBeverleygoldberg · 08/06/2017 18:07

To function with severe depression takes strength. It's a strength most people don't understand or have to use.

user1469539565 · 08/06/2017 18:10

We'd notice. And we would care.

I totally get where you're coming from. I don't want to project my experiences onto yours and assume they were the same, because mental health problems are always a result of an individual's personal circumstances.

What I would say, though, is that it's hugely significant and commendable that you've reached out to this community - you obviously care enormously for your children and your role in their lives, and want to do what's best for them. And that's is wonderful. As as an outsider, I'd say that first and foremost, what's best for them (and for you) is that you seek support in a professional capacity too, although, again from personal experience, I think that supportive forums can be invaluable too. If you ever feel alone, send me a PM. I'm on the other side of the world so am operating in the opposite time-zone, which might be helpful. Thinking of you.

R1nderCella · 08/06/2017 18:11

Hi OP, just wanted to leave a message to say well done for recognising your symptoms and no matter what you think right now, you really are so very strong. I want to point out something very positive - you said you had to go and feed the children. You are a good mother, who even though isn't feeling well, is able to care for her children.

A PP mentioned to call 111, and press option 2. Please do that. I hope you get the help you need soon. Xx

Original poster

toomuchshit · 08/06/2017 18:14

I will call 111 once the children are in bed. Thats when things are worse, because I don't need to pretend anymore

OP posts:

DianaT1969 · 08/06/2017 18:15

Hi OP, just wanted to say that there is still time for you to build a support network around you, but you need to keep fighting and keep going. You're doing a good job. Life isn't easy on your own. I know someone who was in very similar place to you about 3 years ago - really similar - and she is happy and fulfilled right now, with a well-adjusted 14 year old daughter, who she wouldn't dream of leaving alone to face the world. It can be done, I promise you. The right meds and therapist take time. A big hug to you

Original poster

toomuchshit · 08/06/2017 18:17

I don't know how to get a support network. I don't think people like me

OP posts:

LakieLady · 08/06/2017 18:20

Big hugs, OP, and please, please see your doctor asap.

whistlerx · 08/06/2017 18:21

I would if possible do what you can to find support, without contacting social services unless you feel you absolutely have to. If you contact social services now they may well involve themselves with your family for a long time to come. Is that what you want or need? It would be scary, stressful, hugely instrusive.
Can you call the Samaritans now, keep it anonymous? And talk though the options with them?
If you are totally totally desperate, then social services. Are you definitely at that stage now?

Mummamayhem · 08/06/2017 18:21

Obviously it will effect them negatively if you are suicidal or they go into care. Talk to them tell them to open up, it will only help them. If they are primary there is the option of play therapy/learning mentors/1-1 support. I don't know about secondary as I work in primary.

If it is this bad, your children know and they are desperately concerned. They are your world so let them be supported, shout from the roof tops they are going to need as much support as possible.

Having been a social worker it's all too often I've seen families 'hold it together and keep quiet' until crisis hits and that is when drastic action has to be taken. Get there before breaking point.

R1nderCella · 08/06/2017 18:22

When we're surrounded by darkness, things like 'people don't like me' are very easy to believe. It's not true, I promise you there will be plenty of peoplewho like you.

Keep us posted on how you get on. Will be thinking about you. Xx

user1469539565 · 08/06/2017 18:29

As R1nderCella said, the fact that you are recognising your symptoms and situation, and are planning to call 111, are all such positive things. In spite of everything you are going through at the moment - an incredibly difficult, destabilising time in your life - you are proving to be a uniquely strong person who cares profoundly about those closest to you.

I think that's amazing.

Calling 111 is an excellent way forward, and you are, as previous posters have said, brave and resourceful for dealing with this situation in such a productive way.

Frankly, I'm in awe. Please do keep us posted.

Original poster

toomuchshit · 08/06/2017 18:30

I don't really want to get SW involved. The thought scares me and I don't want to lose my children. I just need help. I will get kids to bed then make the call

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