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Original poster

Struggling with being a mother. I just can't cope anymore!

53 replies

cannotcope · 14/03/2007 18:53

I am doing an awful job of being a mum & have totally failed somewhere.
Both my boys push me with their behaviour, especially my youngest son, who I feel I am losing control over.
Right now I feel I need them to go to another room, just so I can have time to calm myself, but know that's unfair.
I feel so run down with everything right now & like I should not have had children.

Don't know why I am posting this, but needed to get it off my chest & am too ashamed to admit to anyone in RL that I'm not coping great atm.

OP posts:
Swizzler · 14/03/2007 18:54

Can you ask someone to look after your kids for a bit so you can get some time to yourself? Being a mum is a tough job and it's perfectly OK to need help sometimes

McDreamy · 14/03/2007 18:55

Aww cannot cope we all have days like this. You know going into another room for a few minutes with a cup of tea while you calm down is no bad thing. Is there anyone you think you might be able to confide in? Have you got Homestart in your area, they might be able to help. There is no shame in asking for help - motherhood is hard work. Sending you hugs

TaraPT · 14/03/2007 18:55

I bet you are doing a great job !!

Children do seem to be sent to try us - and they always seem worst when we are at a low ebb - but just remember you only have to be a "good enough mother" !!

Chin up chuckie - it will seem better again soon !

Rantum · 14/03/2007 18:55

Cannotcope - so sorry to hear you are feeling really demoralised. How old are you lo's? Do you have anyone who can look after your boys so that you can have a break?

McDreamy · 14/03/2007 18:56

here

Rantum · 14/03/2007 19:01

My 2yr old son hit me in the face today and refused to apologise (he was in the corner, crying, for at least half an hour before he said sorry at last). I KNOW that that length of punishment is not in the manual, but I was at my wits end. He is at the age where he is constantly testing boundaries and I feel like all I ever do is yell "no!"
I often need to cool down in another room and I am sure that I am far from perfect as a mother, but I am the only one that my son has so my best will have to do! If you need to calm down from time to time that is only human - little boys (and girls for that matter) can be a handful - just know that you are not alone!

Original poster
cannotcope · 14/03/2007 19:01

Thank you for your messages.
I have heard of homestart & even reccomended it to others, but not considered it for myself. I feel the volunteers would resign after a day of being around DS2!
My children are 7 & nearly 4 years old.

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Original poster
cannotcope · 14/03/2007 19:04

Yesterday my 4 year old went to headbut me because he couldn't buy some book he wanted.
I try to deal with everything in the correct way, but often fail & tonight I have shouted to the point I got a sore throat. I am thourally ashamed of myself.

OP posts:
Rantum · 14/03/2007 19:05

Have to go - ds is having a strop - hope you get some support cannotcope!

Original poster
cannotcope · 14/03/2007 19:10

Thanks, Rantum - hope the strop is over quickly!

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McDreamy · 14/03/2007 19:11

How are things now? Have they calmed down at all? Have you had a cup of tea?

Original poster
cannotcope · 14/03/2007 19:18

Got youngest son to bed & feeling a tiny bit calmer, but still feel on the verge of tears.
Trying to be a nice mum to DS1.

Haven't got round to a cup of tea. Am feeling the urge to go straight to the gin tbh!

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Original poster
cannotcope · 14/03/2007 19:21

Have been having lots of these awful mother moments just lately.
Sometimes I feel almost out of my depth with being a mum. Does anyone else get these moments?

OP posts:
McDreamy · 14/03/2007 19:21

Maybe a good cry would help! Let it all out! Are you there on your - apart from your children? If so - blub! and then have a G&T - purely medicinal of course

filthymindedvixen · 14/03/2007 19:28

The wonderful thing about parenthood is that every day you get a new start....another chance to Try Again.
Give your boys a hug, tell them you do love them, just not their behaviour, tell them you're sorry you shouted, and then go, pour a gin, make a cup of tea, and write down 5 things you have done which make you a good (or good enough) mum.
Number 1 on that list should be: ''I've hugged my children and told them I love them and I meant it''

Original poster
cannotcope · 14/03/2007 19:59

I have hugged them both & told them I love them! I have just looked at DS2 sleeping & he looks so innocent now, which made me feel bad for shouting earlier. He is pushing me to the max atm though & sometimes (like tonight) I boil over a bit, and then feel so awful.

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michaelad · 14/03/2007 20:11

Trust me, you are not alone at all! My 2 sons (4 yrs and 22 months) have had me at the edge of a nervous breakdown so many times, I have lost count. And at least once a month, I'm thinking I cannot take this for another single day and am tempted to just pack my bags and run!

Original poster
cannotcope · 14/03/2007 20:13

Tomorrow is another day & hopefully a better one.

I look around at other parents & they all seem to be coping better than me, and I look around at other children & they all seem to be behaving better than mine. I guess it may not actually always be the case though.

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Original poster
cannotcope · 14/03/2007 20:15

Being a parent is just the toughest job at times isn't it, michaelad!
Good to hear I am not alone in feeling this way.

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BandofMothers · 14/03/2007 20:15

You are not alone. I have shouted til my throat's sore and my dd1 is only 3.
Then she looks at me with her big chocolate brown eyes, and the guilt kicks me in the gut!!
Lately I have had many days like that too. Hang in there. Try to have a break if you can. Your ds2 will be at school soon, then you will have time to recoup.

pooka · 14/03/2007 20:16

This is so normal. You are so not alone cannotcope. I have had a day of being snappy and irritated, possibly because dd has been unusaully whiney and confrontational.

I make sure that about every hour I try and go into a different room, even if it's just to make a cup of tea or rea a bit of the paper. Sometimes I'm followed, but sometimes they're so absorbed in what they're doing that I'm not.I think it does make a difference to just have some quiet and space, even if it is just for a few minutes.

When they were smaller (like 2.5 and 6 months) I would quite often have a flight impulse - just the feeling that I could go out the front door and go away for a week. But gradually things have become easier as I've made a conscious effort to carve out down time during the day (usually when they both have naps in the afternoon).

Original poster
cannotcope · 14/03/2007 20:40

I am pleased to know I am not alone here (but obviously sorry that others are stressed like me!) because I was feeling like I just wasn't fit to be a mother, tonight.
Wouldn't admit I was struggling like this to anyone around me, as I feel like I am kind of failing.

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BandofMothers · 14/03/2007 20:48

I feel like I'm failing most days, and when dd1 goes to bed and I see her little angelic sleeping face on the pillow, I vow to try my hardest not to shout at her so much. But she's 3 and doesn't listen to a word \i say, and drives me MAD. It's hard being a mum. Don't be so hard on yourself.

Original poster
cannotcope · 14/03/2007 21:25

I'm exactually the same, BOM! I look at their innocent sleeping faces, kiss them & vow not to get cross the following day - but then they get up, start arguing, stropping, answering back, having tantrums etc etc, and it all goes very badly pear shaped!

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Original poster
cannotcope · 14/03/2007 21:27

Sometimes feel like running away from everything, but know that is not realistic!

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