Struggling with being a mother. I just can't cope anymore!

[cannotcope]

I am doing an awful job of being a mum & have totally failed somewhere.
Both my boys push me with their behaviour, especially my youngest son, who I feel I am losing control over.
Right now I feel I need them to go to another room, just so I can have time to calm myself, but know that's unfair.
I feel so run down with everything right now & like I should not have had children.

Don't know why I am posting this, but needed to get it off my chest & am too ashamed to admit to anyone in RL that I'm not coping great atm.

Sometimes I used to find myself almost tapping my toes like I was running, but while still in IYSWIM. Still do.

It is tough. I feel the same way BOM, every night I sit there (usually with dh and a glass of red wine) thinking "I'm gonna do better tomorrow, I will shout less tomorrow -hope I am not damaging them for good, hope they don't think I don't love them"...and then the next day or maybe a few days later something will go wrong again and I will feel like a horrible mum and a failure.

Think it must just be most mum's. I think the abnormal is mum's who don't feel that way.
The way I try to look at it is that if you spent as much time with anyone else as you do with your children, you'd either not be friends with them any more or you'd have chopped them up and buried them in the woods somewhere.
Then you feel bad, and see no end to it, cos your dc's are going to be there, day in and day out for a LONG time. Who wouldn't want to scream into their pillow.

Thank you, BOM! You've got it spot on. Makes me feel less like a freak. Also, what a good taste in books and music..my dh writes fantasy books! As yet unpublished but his agent is working on it

still out there cannotcope? How are you doing today?

Yes I am still here! This morning didn't start in a great way. Mornings are often bad because I'm in a rush & they mess me about.
I have been to work today & thought I would take them out for a run on the beach after school & nursery, to wear them out, but DS1 doesn't want to go!

Really Michealad?? I write them too, but haven't done since dd1 was born (3 yrs ago). No where near finished. Wish I had an agent. Might make me finish it!!!

Oooh, and tell your dh if he wants someone to read it, as a target audience test, I'm here!!!

Really, you write too? Fancy that coincidence !! Will definitely mention this to dh! Any chance of looking at yours? My dh style has been compared to George RR Martin..what's yours like?

Well. Umm, amateur to say the least, I imagine!!
I started writing a book about 8 yrs ago when I was doing a boring nannying job in the US. Have got as far as Chapter 7, then I came back here, had kids and have never got back to it. Can't remember where I was going with it. But REALLY want to get back into it.
Also want to write kids books. I wrote a xmas poem akin to "A night before xmas" and want to try and get it published as a kids book. Was going to illustrate it b4 I sent it away, but haven't got round to it. Might just have to send it off and let someone else draw for it.
Might show mine if I get to read his first and it's not WAY better.
Some of my friends who read the first 3 chapters ages (and I mean years) ago still nag me to finish it cos they want to know what happens. Trouble is I've grown up so much since I started it, I don't know if I could finish it in the same vein!!

Just looked at your profile. You'd get on well with my dh. Re your fave tv shows, can't believe I forgot to put QI on my list. I never put Top Gear on, but am forced to watch it when DH puts it on, and always find it really funny.
Shadow of the Wind sounds like a good book who wrote it??

Cannotcope. Sorry for hijacking your thread to discuss books. How are you today? Any better??

Morning cannotcope, Morning BOM! Bit chaotic here this morning..on my own with 2 kids running riot.Will get back to you BOM about books in more detail later. In the meantime lets do the decent thing and open another thread about writing..so we won't have to hijacked other people threads anylonger

BOM, have opened a new thread in the creative writing club section...hopefully see you there later!

Can't find it, what topic and what's the thread called????

creative writers club, topic writers corner. I know, not very creative at all

thread name's writers corner

Am I being thick, I can't see a topic called creative writer's club.

hmmh...how strange..just look at my profile then. Should show the threads I'm on and take it from there! Maybe it's me..maybe this thread does not really exit at all?!

OK, Cannotcope. I'm sure most of the MNers have experienced exactly the same feelings. {{BIG HUG}}

You are not doing an awful job
You have not failed in anyway at all.

Going to another room to give you time and space is acceptable. no, normal.

DCs are designed to try us, they explore by pushing the limits with us ('what can I do/get away with today?' 'What can I do now?').

I try hard at positive behaviour techniques but end up saying 'no' a lot. I've been at the end of my teather so many times. I see others with 'perfect' and 'nicly behaved' kids and think 'what am I doing wrong?'

and the answer is nothing.

We can only be a good enough mum.

The thing is - I know that shouting doesn't work, I know that praising positive behaviour & trying to ignore as much of the bad, is the best way to get results. The thing is, sometimes I feel so harrassed & frazzled & run down, that I go & lose it a bit, then feel awful straight after.
This morning was just awful & DS1 smiled at me when I was trying to discipline him & then said he liked being naughty.
Things like that just test my patience so much & I go & shout, when I know fully well I shouldn't do it.
I went to work holding back the tears this morning. I just feel like the wolds worst mother atm.

Trying hard to get it right tonight.
I have had the children all week, with no one else around to take them off my hands for a bit & I think this has made it harder.
I can't even allow them to play in the garden, as it is like a mud bath out there!

Hi cannotcope, just wanted to send a big bearhug your way! Gritting my teeth til bedtime atm too

Thanks, michaelad!
Not long now until bedtime & crack open the wine time!

BOM, still looking for me?