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Original poster

PND - baby only 4 weeks old - Feeling like Im falling apart.

47 replies

julezboo · 14/03/2007 16:03

Heya all

Sorry if it seems like Im rambling.

I suffered with PND after the birth of my DS. Thought it would be different this time, I have a supportive DP(kind of), totally different situation. We are happy, settled. I try to get out at least once everyday so I dont start falling down that slope again of being scared to go out. Im crying most days, arguing with DP most days. so much so he told me Im turning into a horrible person. (The not so supportive part)Im shouting at DS alot (4 yrs)

Im a bit confused though cos I knwo most people push their babies away, Im not like that I enjoy looking after him and tending to him when he needs me (although this was the case with DS1 too)

I feel awful for even feel sad like this, we tried so hard to get pg and stay pg (4 mc's after ds before baby came along) DP says its like i have to be in control of everything (inc him) Im miserable, tired and teary all the time. I know if I go to my docs they will tell me to come back when he is 6 weeks old if I still feel the same. I feel like I just wanna go to bed and stay there.

OP posts:
lulumama · 14/03/2007 16:08

hey there

get some help...IIRC you have had a traumatic pregnancy,

your Doc will not tell you to go away, if you have had PND previously, it would be seriously remiss of them to dismiss this...

get an appointment, see if you can start on some meds, and get some counselling, need to address the trauma and the upset you have been through previously....

of course you are tired , having a newborn and another child, can you get any practical help to allow you to rest as much as you can?

MarsLady · 14/03/2007 16:10

ditto lulu.

You need to talk to your GP and then you need to get some practical help in RL. Wishing you love honey.

Original poster
julezboo · 14/03/2007 16:12

Not really we live 200 miles away from any friends or family, whenever i ask DP for extra help i come across sounding bitchy so it turns into a row. I had an hour off last night to go to the cm meeting and as soon as i got back i was handed the baby right away. Apparently he had cried the whole time i was out (welcome to my days i thought)

Ive just sent DP an email telling him exactly how i feel (after yet another row and me telling him im gonna sleep on the couch tonight) Im nit picking and nagging and getting no where i just cant stop.

I cant get an appt for another week at the gp's , mw discharged us today too. Can never get through to the hv, its always engaged or rings out, health places up here are really bad.

OP posts:
Mumpbump · 14/03/2007 16:19

It is so hard in the first few weeks. I would try to get your dh to sit down and have a calm discussion about helping out wiht the baby -dd or ds, by the way? Tell him if he wants things to get better, he needs to support you and help you get through this time. Seem to remember it settling down around 8 weeks, but bluddi hard work to get there...

bakedpotato · 14/03/2007 16:19

Honey, get hold of the MW, please call her now, and leave messages for HV/GP (you need to ask for an emergency appointment, I know it's hard to be pushy when you feel like this, but try to summon up every ounce of strength and do it). Your history should mean they take you seriously.

I would suggest that you get DP to come along to whatever appts you get. Take the kids if neccessary, but he needs to hear how he can help you.

How did you get out of the PND after DS?

lulumama · 14/03/2007 16:20

can you afford to have help? eg a post natal doula?

it is hard going and hard not to row, DP needs to support you, an hour at a meeting is not the same as an hour in the bath , or having a rest, or reading a book and having a cuppa...

MarsLady · 14/03/2007 16:22

Phone the MV back right now. Leave a message if necessary. It's really important that you get help set up for yourself honey. Whereabouts are you based?

lulumama · 14/03/2007 16:22

and yes, definitely phone MW back ....

Original poster
julezboo · 14/03/2007 16:25

Another DS mumpbump. Hes lovely, cries alot (colicky i think) But we are working on that. DP just gets frustrated, it his first so its all new to him and hes learning. As far as I know Im not telling him how to do things, if he asks ill answer, I remember whats its like being a first time parent. We row most mornings and I really hate arguing with him.

Just thought this time i might not end up with PND, with DS i was on my own, he was 9 weeks early and in hospital ALOT.

I have made an appt for next week though.

OP posts:
bakedpotato · 14/03/2007 16:27

Sweetie, can you not ask for anything sooner?

I remember how it feels, time goes so slowly

Will DP go with you?

Original poster
julezboo · 14/03/2007 16:29

cant afford a doula lulu, dp had to take unpaid paternity leave, then got promoted and made permanant so without wages till 23rd now. Living off tax credits at the mo.

Mars - Im in south wales. Im pretty sure my mum is coming down next weekend to help us out though. We are also hoping to go over to see his mum abroad for a week where no doubt she will take over lol

Baked - i went to the gp (different one) when ds was about 6 months old, he told me he was surprised I hadnt been in sooner after what I went through. He was lovely, came to visit me in hospital after Id suffered a stroke after DS.

The gp's here wont even do my 6 week check (because they dont get paid for it anymore wtf??)

OP posts:
Rantum · 14/03/2007 16:29

How did you get throught PND the first time? Did you get help/ counselling? Is there anyone that helped you through the first time that you could talk to now?

To my mind it sounds like even putting the PND to the side for a moment (which as others have said you should speak to your gp about) you have been through an awful lot, with mc's and pregnancy and now a tiny baby and all the changes that that entails -also with a 4 year old who needs you as he adjusts to the new status quo. You would have to be superhuman to not find it all very emotionally draining, and to not feel that life is out of control.

If it is at all possible I agree that you need to try to have a calm discussion about this whole experience with your dp. And you need to speak with your midwife or gp about how you are feeling - making it clear that you had PND before so you know the signs. I wish you well with your new baby and hope that you can sort it all out.

Original poster
julezboo · 14/03/2007 16:30

baked not without sitting in the surgery from half 8 till around 11 - i know id end up sitting their crying and feeling uncomfortab;e. I will keep trying hv when the answer machine finally gets turned on Ill leave a message thanks all x

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 14/03/2007 16:30

oh julez. Lulu and mars have given excellent advice.

You should contact your HV/GP as soon as and try and get yourself some help. You wont know until you ask anyway.

Lack of sleep can be crippling too. Whereabouts are you?

Mumpbump · 14/03/2007 16:32

I remember having a complete meltdown around 4/5 weeks. I think the adrenalin/novelty had worn off and the reality of the grind was kicking in. Cried my eyes out for the whole weekend, dh was away and only my dad around to help me keep sane. He took ds off me a couple of times when I was just howling and so was ds!! It might be something similar, but I agree that it is probably a good idea to get it checked out asap as you do sound like you've been through a lot recently.

lulumama · 14/03/2007 16:34

you need a 6 week check !! really important, you had a c.s no? is the midwife sympathetic?

sorry you are not nearer to me, i;d be round like a shot!

can your mum come down sooner?

Original poster
julezboo · 14/03/2007 16:39

I did lulu, I ask the hv when she was here yesterday (was feeling fine then typical!) And she said because the dont get paid for postnatal or antenatal anymore they just wont do them. Obviously if i need to see them make an appt.

Mum cant come any sooner she works most weeks 7 days a week (her own business).
DP is going to come with me to my appt. I have to go pick him up from work now, hopefully for less arguing and a cuddle

Will check in later for more posts thanks everyone x x

OP posts:
lulumama · 14/03/2007 16:41

well, i think your doc should check you are physically healing, if you had had any other typeof major abdominal surgery, you;d damn well get a follow up

it is all new for DP too, yo are learning together and that can create friction, as you learn to parent together

take it easy x and have a hug ((hug))

mummydoc · 14/03/2007 17:10

i am really sorry to hear your gp's are not very helpful [ sad] , ring up and cry down the phone to the receptionist and do the same to the MW even if you have been discharged, it is soo hard when you feel depressed but the sooner you are seen the sonner you are on the road to feeling better. If you can speak to the midwife explain that oyu had PND before and you feel the same now and you need help gettinginto the gp as an emergency. if you have to go and sit and wait DO IT and what is wrong with crying in the waiting room - i bet you anyhting you would get rushed in to the doctors... i would never leave a crying new mum sat in the waiting room . good luck.

jetjets · 14/03/2007 20:21

Message withdrawn

Original poster
julezboo · 14/03/2007 21:03

Thanks all

I had a good chat with DP tonight, we had a cuddle he made tea, did the washing up, put ds1 to bed, fed DS2 and told me to sit on the couch I had a little play fight with ds1 laughing with him made me feel soo much better. Dp has just gone for gas then we are going to settle ds2 and go to bed ourselves.

My appt is for next week and I have left a msg for hv today too

OP posts:
bakedpotato · 14/03/2007 22:15

Glad DP being helpful. Also that he will come to see GP with you. Keep us posted, won't you?

Original poster
julezboo · 15/03/2007 09:26

Morning all

Had a terrible night, ended up sleeping on the sofa for most of it, DP called me looney, we argued really bad, it almost came to an end, which we both dont want to happen. I feel like its all my fault I just dont know what to do anymore, we are arguing all the time and I dont like it

OP posts:
bakedpotato · 15/03/2007 10:55

I think it will be easier for your DH to help you when he has heard what the GP has to say -- you need someone to educate him about depression, basically.

I'm so shocked there's no support available from your GP until next week, I have to say. Appalling. Please, hit the phones: force yourself to do it, cry on receptionists if necessary, but say it's an emergency.

Mumpbump · 15/03/2007 11:05

Julesboo - I agree. Try to get an appointment sooner.

But in the meantime, hold on to the fact that last evening shows you can have a nice time with your dp and he can be understanding. I don't know what triggered the downturn in the evening, but I am sure you can get through it if you have a caring dp and your earlier thread suggests that he really does care...