Need help and no-one gives a shit

[BBCNewsRave]

the crisis team will basically let me die.
I'm so sad, I've tried for so long. Just wish someone cared. Have dealt with so much but can't keep going with zero support. Not even a friend to call right now. it's all i have been able to do to get this far, no energy to fight services trying to get help and be treated like scum. They make me feel worse. I asked for help before it was this bad. i would give anything just to have someone to have a cup of tea with or something. No one cares, i dont matter

you are tretain me completely differently to her! Sh was the one who started of with a stupid and offensive thing, writing off single women over 30, of course thats upsetting and triggering.
if i started off with that id be given hell by you no doubt! Yet me reacting to it because i am struggling with feeling worthless (and unlike the poster have no nhs help) doenst get sympathy
[lease go away keema i dont want you bulltying me again

and this is yet more double standards - you tell me to se eoutside my bubble? Im the one sufferignw for years with no help!
how about telling the person who has had loads of therpay and expresses such a stupid idea that its offensive to be compared to bridget jones o step outside her fucking bubble!

erm yes this is my only safe space???
no hadholding anywhere else?

We're so sorry to hear what a difficult time you're having BBCNewsRave but we're pleased to see some support and understanding for you, here.

We will continue to delete posts which, we feel, break our Talk Guidelines so can we ask everyone to please be mindful of how they post so we can keep this thread up to give BBC the support she needs.

I wish i was one of the people who mattered This is something i feel often. I even see people with the same issues as I have (CPTSD BPD etc) getting support when I have been left to deal with being denied support again and again. To be fair I have had some support- I had 2 years of DBT which helped a lot, but I needed help with some additional things and it just wasn't there.... Finally it took me being admitted the other week because ofa public meltdown I had for the MH crisis team to take me seriously again and they considering puttin gme on Citalopram. So in many ways I am very blessed right now. But in the past, when I first entered MH sevices I was denied a lot of help. Because of my BPD label I was treated like scum by many MH workers. Experiences I have had include being turned away when seekijg help because "Oh, you will msot likely cut or poison yourself, but it isn't like you are going to throw yourself off a bridege, now is it?" to being insulted by Aand E staff when i was having very bad panic attack with paranoid ideation "Be quiet! there are sick people here!" to being told by a CPN that childhood sexual abuse may have been because "well, i' m not saying it was your fault you were abused but some young children dress quite provocatively these days. Maybe you sent out wrong signals..." to my own DF telling me i was a burden on society and t just get on and kill myself then! being yelled at, screamed at, punished from an early age for having MH issues. first started having OCD and anxiety age 7 or 8, and was shamed and humiliated for it.

^being told by a CPN that childhood sexual abuse may have been because "well, i' m not saying it was your fault you were abused but some young children dress quite provocatively these days. Maybe you sent out wrong signals..."

WTAF
these people should be locked away in dungeon somewhere and mocked if they dont like it
fucking evil
and people dont believe it when you tell them

and the most stupid thing is why DBT? Although you say it helped?
I saw the book for it but it was all stuff about dealing with the moment and nothing about coping with the past

It wasn't even just in NHS either. I had a charity which supported sexual abuse and incest victims turn me away (even in the waiting room before i went in i heard the counsellor making nasty remarks about me) . Apparently I wasn't depressed enough to have been abused in spite of diagnosis of trauma and BPD an dnot ating sleeping or looking after myself. I was so upset and felt sounheard that I slunk away into the next room and tried to cut my wrist with a knife. When they found me their response was to call the police. Because i had taken the knife out of their drawer. they reported it as theft. When the next day i tried to contact the organisation I was told by the woman running it "you are crazy, you belong in a secure ward, you need to be sectioned., were you even actually abused??" I was also told "we have people more depressed than you here." What hurt about that was that my own DF had always told ,e I didn't deserve help that I was just faking it.
I think the counsellor had a problem with me because i came to the interview wearing nice clothes and jewellery (i felt so dirty, ashamed an d ugly i wanted to make mysel look better. fact is I had not been washing or looking after mysef properlyu until that day) I think she believed that people who have been abused just want to look dowdy or never make eye contact. I have also had my abuse questioned before by other people for being "articulate-you so articulate, you must have said it wrong if they didn't believe you were abused" Or my DF's favourite "You are just trying to make everything all about you by bringing up your "abuse." Stop tryin gto steal the limelight/cause chaos/ split me and your mum up etc"

I cant work out why they help some and not others. And the ones they help seem to be the nasty ones ime.

Im so sorry you went through that ImBack - you are worth so much, much more than the evil people who did that to you.

The DBT helped me regulate my emotions a little bit and to understand boundaries in relationships (eg being assertive, asking for help for my needs in appropriate ways) the trouble is it didn't go far enough. Whemn i am very triggered emotional regulation goes ut of the window. i get distressed very very fast. Also when you have been rejected and hurt so much as a very young child i think my needs are inappropriate so i get ashamed of asking for them. It is hard to say to someone "I am angry because this is reminding me of how i felt as a young child being abused and abandoned, please can you just listen to me and give me a hug?" They would think I was weird asking that. Because emotionally I am 3 years old again when I am triggered.

OMG

I just cant understand why people do that. How unspeakably horrible.

Why??? Why do they choose to be so evil to some people, when they are in general in a position of caring for others?

I have often thoguht there is some kind of discrimination that doesn't have a name yet. Im not sure what the basis of it is. But certain people are somehow "allowed" by society to be treatd abhorently and even normally "nice" people will viciously turn on them.

Im sorry this probably isnt very helpful, but it does seem to be a thing and I cant understand why/what its about...

Any kind of inavlidation or perceived rejection of me flashes me back to being that kid being told to "eff off out of my sight, or I will hit you", "shut up! no one cares how you feel/what you say" etc i think those triggers are hardest to explain. I think some people have hard enough time wondering why I get panicky and upset if someone raises their voice at me without understanding why rejection or someone seeming not to listen feels like a trauma. emotional abuse and its effects is the least understood type, i have found.

In my case I am very obese (PCOS, binge ED and my meds) and have mobility issues due to Dystonia, a movement disorder I developed in my 20s after taking old antipsychotic called largacctil) and I wonder if that is why people are tough on me now. Because I am obviously different. But even as a slim, physically able bodied child I was treated very harshly by people and I don't know why. I came from a white middle income family so no obvious reason. (I'm not saying non white or working/upper class people should be treated badly. I am just saying there was no obvious need to pick on me as I didn't seem like a minority)

Interesting! It was always sold to me that I needed to learn to "cope" with feeling horrndous and stop bothering people/havign any needs.

The way psych professionals expected/encouraged me to behave was to have no needs, never speak up for myself, and please others. As I have gradually become more assertive in general it actually pisses them off! Because they say stuff that doesnt add up, try to misdirect you, come to illogical conclusions, intimidate you. They dont like you callign them out on it. In fact when I used to point out their illogical conclusions or ask direct questions, they called me "manipulative".

How bizarre that they advocate a therapy that teaches you to deal with their bullshit - has that ever come up? Have you ever been assertive with them and said "its what I was taught in DBT"?

I was able to ask for help appropriately, but I never got it, so things gradually unravelled (years ago now). Took myself off to ask for help at GP years ago and was treated like shit from day 1.

Now I thought things had got better but have really unravlled again from dealing with years of stuff alone, its all very well being able to ask appropriately for help but if you dont get it you eventually start to really lose it!

In other words, I couldn't put it down to racism, classism etc is what I mean. people just don't warm to me.

"have you ever bee nassertive and told them that's what I was taught in DBT Sometimes I have tried that tactic. Didn't work. Because sometimes people want to shut me up and won't listen....They didn't want to hear my pain..

i was treated like shit from day 1 how horrible for you. That is awful. At least I did have some people who cared albeit for a short time. I wish i knew how to make it better for you.... safe (((hugs))))

Nomadali44 and

BBC love
And to ImBack, I'm sorry you went through that
'seem to attract being treated like crap' club.

BBC NewsRave, ImBackOnHereAgain, and Broken11Girl for all of you xxx
Trauma is huge is its effects. I was such a happy, high-achieving, functioning little girl until the age of 11, when it all went dramatically wrong (long story) and all the mental health problems I've had since have been linked to that - namely OCD, but also general anxiety and depression on & off. Then the huge storm of the breakdown 6 years ago. Once that was over, I was a lot better than I'd been in years! It was like the storm had washed away loads of old debris. But while I was in the midst of it I didn't think I'd survive it at all. I hope I never go through anything similar again, but knowing what a sensitive soul I am, I'm aware it could happen. I now know though that I'll survive it, and just have to keep breathing, and wait for it to pass.

I'm ok-ish these days. I have joy in life, and am functional again. But still, if I could go back in time, not have suffered childhood trauma, and thus have had a life free of mental illness I would. It's not been an easy journey - at all.
If I encounter people who've never had mental health problems I'm genuinely astounded - what must it be like???!!! Having a mind that does interesting things is such a huge part of my life story, that having a more conventional mind is like a distant dream!

I agree that mental health issues can be very isolating. I think it's almost impossible for people who've never experienced it to understand the power of it. That's the one good thing about my life story, it's definitely definitely dramatically increased my empathy towards others. That can only be a good thing.

Do take care all of you xxx

Broken11Girl and TeaForever thanks for the kind comments and . for you both too. and and .

BBCNewsRave How are you feeling today?