They want to admit me

[CrazyCatMum]

On the Christmas Eve for 4 days.
They say it will only be that but I don't trust them not to make me stay longer.

I've had the crisis team on and off for months but I'm just getting worse.
They are worried that if I'm left on my own over Christmas I will hurt myself.

But I can't go in, I have no one to watch my cat, if my ex finds out he won't let my son come home.

If I go in everything will be taken out of my hands, they will be in control.
4 days admission isn't going to change anything, just cause me more stress but I'm scared if I don't agree they will make the decision for me or thy will just walk away saying I must be ok.

If my son wasn't going away to his dads I know they wouldn't have mentioned hospital but I would still be feeling the same whether he is here or I am on my own.

It also feels a little too late, I've felt like this for months and now they throw this at me knowing how I feel about hospital ☹️

Oh love, you're definitely not stupid or a 'dirty disgusting whore'.
I understand it being really difficult to tell the crisis team what's really going on, have been like that.
Can you do something nice for yourself? I know that sounds twee and you don't feel you deserve anything nice. You mention hiding from it all, pretending none of it happened - can you watch a film or tv programme, or read a book to distract yourself?
Things will get better. You just need help

I thought by telling everyone I was fine or that I wasn't feeling too bad would mean they left me alone, that I could just disappear but I stressed myself so much I gave my self a 4 day migraine.
I wish I knew what the right answers are before everyone gets fed up of me.

It's hard having everyone involved and not knowing what to say, worry it will be the wrong thing, or that I will just fit neatly in their box of failures.

I don't seem to have any energy left to breath never mind deal with life.
Does it ever get easy ? 🙁🙁🙁