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Original poster

is this normal??

26 replies

SHELL2006 · 16/02/2007 16:50

I really dont no how to put how I feel into words on here, but feel as though I need to speak to someone. I had my DD 8 weeks ago by emergency c section, following a very traumatic 44 hour labour. I feel now when I watch programmes of bith/labour, that I never got to feel that feeling of when baby is passed straight to you following delivery, and that I will never get to feel it either. Also feel as though my labour didnt go how I wanted it to, as was too out of it to notice much. I dont feel as though I am coping well at home either, I love my dd to bits & wouldnt swap her for the world, but somedays I just dont do anything apart from look after dd, I cant even be bothered to do a bit of housework anymore, which is very unusual for me as I was v. houseproud. I hardly no anyone where I live, & the people I do no havent got kids & I;m not the sort of outgoing person who can speak to anyone. I cant stop crying for no reason at the moment & have no idea why, my dh seems to be at a loss with me aswell as he cant do anything right as far as I am concerned, & we have major money worries. please someone tell me everyone goes through this & this feeling will go away soon as I cant cope like this for much longer

OP posts:
DeputyMacDawg · 16/02/2007 17:47

Shell, you've done well to even post on MN.

I think you need to make contact with your GP for a chat. They can refer you to the people who can help you.
Can you talk to your HV? They might know of a mother/baby group in your area where you can meet people in similar situations.

I'm putting a link \link{http://www.pni.org.uk\here} to a PNI website that might be of some use.

I hope this bumps for other people who might have more advice.
{{{{{{HUGS}}}}} in the meantime

DeputyMacDawg · 16/02/2007 17:48

OH toss
Link here

Sorry

saadia · 16/02/2007 17:57

With an eight week old baby you really can't be expected to do anything other than look after her. Don't worry about housework, just try to eat properly yourself and rest when she sleeps.

I also had an emergency caesarian and VBAC and TBH I don't think it really matters how they come out as long as mother and baby are safe and healthy. But it probably would help you to talk it through with someone.

And yes, I think a first baby does often come as a huge shock, and takes time to adjust to. It certainly was for me. But I would agree with Deputy McDawg that it would be a good idea to have a chat with your Health Visitor.

Original poster
SHELL2006 · 16/02/2007 21:10

Thank you for your kind words. I cant even type back without crying my eyes out. I am a bit baffled with my HV as I havent got anymore appts with her, so should I phone and ask for a appt or do I just go along to the baby clinic, as I dont fancy speaking to her there, as I know I will burst into tears, and dont really want to in front of the other mums. I just feel so guilty feeling like this, as we had to have fertility treatment to have my dd, and I thought it would be all happy after the birth, but I feel as though nothing has gone to plan. I feel like my life is out of control

OP posts:
ScoobyDooooo · 16/02/2007 21:16

SHELL i am sorry you are feeling like this

Your body has been through alot & your hormones will be all over the place after having your dd.

When i had my dd i felt exactly like you are saying, i spent alot of time crying & did not even know why i was crying, dp was always in the wrong & my house work went to pot, i waited a while to see if it was my hormones needing to get back to normal & my body but unfortunatly for me i actually had PND, i would say cal your HV tell her how you are feeling & she should make an appointment to come to your house & visit, my hv came to my house very often once i actually admitted i was not feelig myself infact she stayed coming to my house for 9 months & realy helped me.

Talk about how you feel, about your birth experience & what botheres you, i am not a talker & found it really hard to even want to talk to anyone but once i opened up to her i felt like a whole weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

Goodluck

DeputyMacDawg · 16/02/2007 22:30

Give your HV a ring and ask her to come to your house, if that's where you are most
comfortable.
You are by no means alone in feeling bad.
MN here for you

Original poster
SHELL2006 · 16/02/2007 23:26

I am a bit worried about telling drs/HV how I am feeling as I dont want them to think I am a fruit cake, and that I cant care for my DD. But I think I will call her on monday & see if she will come out to see me, Thanks for all your advice

OP posts:
DeputyMacDawg · 17/02/2007 10:49

They won't think that you can't look after your dd. They will have seen this dozens of times.
They will give you the support you need to get through this and give you a safe forum to talk about your feelings in confidence.
I'll keep an eye on this thread to help, if I can

Original poster
SHELL2006 · 17/02/2007 13:58

Thank you, I iwll definitley phone the HV on Monday x

OP posts:
lulumama · 17/02/2007 14:03

birth trauma assocition

Hi Shell...i had PND triggered by an emergency c.s and felt much of what you are feeling, feeling cheated, that it was not how i imagined it .....

you are ok to feel like this, it is normal, actually to experience these sorts of feelings after a traumatic birth, so see the HV and get things on the way to being sorted, have a look at the BTA website, they are really excellent x

Original poster
SHELL2006 · 17/02/2007 14:16

Thank you lulumama x

OP posts:
malaleche · 17/02/2007 14:26

Dear Shell2006, I didn't have a CS or anything especially traumatic but after dd2's (now 5 mth) birth I felt so cr*p for so long, (months 2.5 - 4.5 were worst). I wanted to kill myself and both my dc, i had it all worked out, how to do it and everything. Luckily things just got better gradually and now i feel so happy sometimes it's unbelievable. I'm convinced the whole horrible depression i felt was due to hormonal changes. Don't under-estimate how bad your hormones can make you feel. Talk your birth out with other people who have had a similar experience and try to get the people around you to coddle you a little and help out. Things will get better i promise, just give it time. {{{{{hugs}}}}

ScoobyC · 18/02/2007 10:12

Hi, just wanted you to know you're not alone. I was really depressed after having ds and we had a m/c before and I had wanted him desperately for years. I have read that pnd is more likely after both a traumatic birth and also after fertility treatment, m/c or problems trying. It is really not surprising you are feeling this way but please ask for help. It may get better on its own but sometimes help is needed, there's no shame in that. If you don't feel comfortable with your hv go to yourr gp.

xxxxx

Original poster
SHELL2006 · 18/02/2007 13:51

Thanks ladies, I think the problems do stem from having a m/c a few months before dd was concieved, that was hard to get through aswell. I have had a good weekend as my hubby has been at home & we have kept really busy but I just dread it when he goes back to work, and he cant take time off as his company dont pay him for sick leave, and his holiday entitlement is only 12 days, which we have to keep for when he has is other daughter in the summer, but hopefully I will get myself sorted tmw with the HV, thank you all for your nice words & hugs xx

OP posts:
DeputyMacDawg · 19/02/2007 09:19

How are you feeling today, Shell?
Did you manage to contact your HV?

Glad your weekend went a bit better.

jasminelilylousmummy · 19/02/2007 10:18

Morning DeputyMacdawg, I havent phoned them this morning as I have decided to drop in this afternoon, as there is a clinic on, so willspeak to her then, I feel a bit braver today, I feel as though I can go out and do stuff today instead of sitting in & looking at 4 walls, as yesterday we took dd out & she really enjoyed the fresh air etc, so I feel guilty her being stuck in, so have decided it will be good for both of us to go out. Thank you for all your support xx

DeputyMacDawg · 19/02/2007 13:09

Fresh air and exercise are really good for helping lift your mood as well.
Hope things go well this afternoon.
Take care, x

DeputyMacDawg · 21/02/2007 16:43

How are things going now?
Did talking to your HV help?

jasminelilylousmummy · 21/02/2007 19:56

Hiya

I am feeling quite good at the moment, the HV has given me some baby clubs to start going to, but I am a bit shy to go somewhere like that on my own, but I have been doing more in the day again so feel more alive, had a few off times where I just sit & cry but that is just me I think, thanks for asking xx

DeputyMacDawg · 21/02/2007 21:24

Give the baby clubs a try, you may find you have nore in commom with others than you think .

I'm having problems with depression at the moment, so I can identify.

take care babes, x

DeputyMacDawg · 21/02/2007 21:26

Oops

Obviously meant 'more in common'

DURR

jasminelilylousmummy · 21/02/2007 21:47

I will try...I promise!! Thanks for all your support, its been great to have someone to talk to other than DH, if you want to talk to me you are more than welcome to!!! xxx

katyjo · 21/02/2007 22:40

Hi Shell I know exactly how you are feeling, I used to start crying for no reason and get really worked up about little things (esp mother in law) everything people said upset me. I think it is just coming to terms with all the changes that happen when you have a baby, you have been through so much and it takes time for you to catch up with yourself (iykwim). I talked to my hv, cried and everything and she was wonderful, told me every new mum felt exactly the same, the feeling of responsibility is very intense, but a=t the same time you feel so blessed you feel you have no right to feel a bit suffocated. I joined a baby massage class when Hamish was 11 weeks and it was the best thing I ever did, we used to just have a chat for 2 hours with other mothers and I met some great friends, we still meet up once a week and the babies are nearly one.
Don't put too much pressure on yourself, my sister made me a cross-stich which I read everytime I am worrying about house work, it goes a bit like this,
I hope that my child looking back on today, remembers a mother who had time to play,
Babies grow up when your not looking
They'll be years ahead for cleaning and cooking
So Quiet now cobwebs, dust go to sleep
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.

Talk to your hv if you want to, its what they are trained for, if they are worth their salt they will be delighted to help.
Oh and you will get through this the feelings will go away. Big hugs for you, unfortunately it is all totally normal.
xxx
p.s. sorry for babbling on

jasminelilylousmummy · 21/02/2007 23:19

You've started me off crying!!! That poem is lovely, I'm gone print that off & read it everyday. Without you guys on here, i dont think I would of been able to cope thank you sniff sniff!! xx

flower1727 · 21/02/2007 23:44

I think you need to go to the doctors shell2006, and get some anti-depressants. It takes alot to ammit there is a problem. When my 1st ds was 1yr 10months he choked and went blue my husband got the blockage out just before the ambulance got there. when my 2nd ds was born the day we got him home he when blue and was choking on the fliud that surrounded him in the womb. From then on i was a wreck, didnt go out, didn't tidy up, as soon as my dh walked through the door I would pass him our ds and go upstairs. I didnt want to ammit there was a problem because i thought they would take my ds's of me. i was put on anti-depressants for 18 months and didnt tell anyone i was on them until i came off them, then i was amazed to see how many people where on them or had been on them because of similar problems, talking is the key and to have support from family and friends.