Aveiam,
I'm not usually one to comment that often but your thread struck a chord with me.
I was in your situation around 5 weeks ago- everything came to a head but I didn't know what to do with myself. My circumstances are different but the feelings of not wanting to be here and self harming were present. I too felt alone and as if I had noone.
It came to a head when I was at work and crying/breaking down in between each client I had to visit. Whilst driving I was putting myself further at risk and wondering what I could do to end it all.
I somehow made an appointment with the GP. This was a Friday afternoon. At first they were going to leave it just for the weekend and see me the following week. However I was adamant things needed to be put into place- Sometimes you have to be pushy.
I then recieved an appointment for the same day whom referred me to the mental health team. At first a lady assessed me over the phone and then referred me to the crisis team. The crisis team visited me the next day (Saturday) whom decided I was better suited to the complex care mental health team. It took over a week for them to visit following taking on my case, however I had access to support 24/7 from the crisis team. Since the first visit from CPN, I've had weekly/twice weekly visits and just recently seen the consultant psychiatrist (all within a 4 week period) which is fast. I cannot fault them. I'm on a new medication regime and I have the ongoing support from this team l. I don't know what I'd of done without them. They are better suited to me long term.
I've been under the crisis team about 2.5 years ago however because they are short term, after a few initial visits and a quick consultation with a psychiatrist then, I was discharged and on my own when at my worse and for a long time I resented asking for help even though I was poorly. If things had been sorted properly then maybe things would have been different now.
I guess what I'm saying is the help is there and available and sometimes you need to push and express your needs to them until you're taken seriously. The past 2.5 years I've had numerous courses of cbt and medication changes all of which have not been beneficial and have caused me more stress but I adhered to them as I was told they would help.
I've recently been diagnosed with bipolar mixed affective state (I'm still trying to understand that one) but it's more suited to me the way they explain it. It's a relief in a way.
Please go back to your GP and push for a longer term solution re mental health. It's tiring and takes it out of you but once the correct support is in place you'll feel a weight lifted off your shoulders.
If you ever would like to chat then feel free to send me a message or just offload here. There are plenty of people to relate to. Just know that you're never alone and no matter what time of day/night there is always someone available.
You're an individual who's worth it and has a lot going for you. You're stronger than you think. It may not seem it but you have a lot going on at the moment and will not have the head space to process it all. Baby steps each time.
xx