Finding it really hard to cope with being a mum right now

[notcoping]

Name changed again as I am ashamed of the failure mother I am atm, but the truth is that I am finding it really really hard & not enjoying being a mother much right now.

I cope on my own a lot & the children really play me up, especially my eldest son.
I don't seem to really have a grip though & he pushes me until I snap.

Every day I wake up wanting to get it right, but more often than not lately, I seem to fail.
I should be enjoying my children, not struggling to get through the day like this.

minmooch - did it get a lot harder for you when you were no longer with your husband?
I'm really starting to panic a bit about how hard I'm going to find it.

It got easier in some ways and harder in others. I no longer had the pressure of living in a terrible situation and trying to pretend to everybody that everything was OK. I have always been the strong one in the family and everybody thought I could cope. When I moved into my new house I felt able to breathe again, live again, laugh again and I think my children benefitted (and still do) from my release. I no longer dread the key in the door and the black cloud that followed that myself and my kids had to live under. It's hard sometimes as you have to be the Mum and Dad,the loving parent and the telling off one, theres no one to wind down the day with a glass of wine but I wouldn't go back for all the tea in china! My boys are happy and secure, they have a good relationship now with their Dad, and I have free time when they are with him.

Hadn't quite finished ...... I panicked about how I would cope financially and emotionally but needn't have worried. Emotionally it will never be as bad as a bad marriage. Financially - I would rather have financial problems and my right to live, breath, laugh and love than financial security and live as I did. it takes strength and courage to be on your own with the children but I am sure you will find it.

Thanks for that, minmooch, I needed to hear something positive!
I know a lot of pressure will be released when we are on our own, but I am suddenly feeling a bit frightened by it all.

DS1 has been pretty good over the last couple of days, but tonight has been answering back & pushing the limits with me again.
I am feeling pretty run down in myself right now & I threatened him with an early bedtime if he continued to talk to me in that way.
He has now come up & apologised to me, saying "Sorry for being mean to you"
He then said "I am never mean to daddy because he is worse than you & he shouts worse than you do"

How are you doing notcoping?

Not very well I'm afraid. Just as I feel things are getting a bit better, it all goes badly wrong again.

What's happened?

Was more on top of things & feeling calmer at one point last week, but feeling very run down & out of my depth again now.
They have been wild since I came home from work & I am struggling big time.
They are such hard work atm, but I don't know if it is just feeling worse because I am run down.
I am feeling tearful tonight.

Am here for most of the night if you need to talk. Will the dcs be in bed soon so you can sit down and have a large glass of wine or whatever else will help you relax.

Just put DS2 to bed & read him a story. He can be so lovely, but together they are such hard work.
DS1 is calm now & watching TV, but will go to bed in around 10 mins or so.
They are just being children I guess, testing my patience & squabbling like siblings do. It's just that I am not coping with it all very well right now.

Mine spent all day Sunday bickering at each other and dh did not exactly endear himslef to me either so in the end I just screamed shut up at all of them and locked myself in the bedroom for 10 mins -felt much better after that.

Do you think ADs might help if its all getting to you - might be worth a visit to the GP.

I can identify with that feeling, GL! I often feel I need to shut myself in a room all alone for a bit.
Have been worrying that I am maybe getting a little depressed right now, but maybe it's just stress.
Went to GP just before Christmas & got tablets to try & help me sleep, but maybe I do need a little more.

Children sleeping now & I am on my second glass of wine, so feeling a little more relaxed!
Things aren't right with me atm though. Am seeing my HV tomorrow, so will talk to her about it & see what she suggests.

Hope you're enjoying the wine - could do with one myself.

Sounds like you need to see someone - if hv is no help go and see the GP, it really does sound as if you might be depressed. If so, this is not a sign of you having failed as a parent but being ill and needing help. Don't try and struggle on on your own without trying to get help.

Is their dad giving you any help with the kids yet?

I will speak to her tomorrow, GL. I like to think I'm coping & not depressed, but things do get too much at times & it's been happening more & more recently.
Their father has been watching football with his friend since I returned from work today.