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Original poster

Finding it really hard to cope with being a mum right now

66 replies

notcoping · 11/02/2007 23:50

Name changed again as I am ashamed of the failure mother I am atm, but the truth is that I am finding it really really hard & not enjoying being a mother much right now.

I cope on my own a lot & the children really play me up, especially my eldest son.
I don't seem to really have a grip though & he pushes me until I snap.

Every day I wake up wanting to get it right, but more often than not lately, I seem to fail.
I should be enjoying my children, not struggling to get through the day like this.

OP posts:
Original poster
notcoping · 12/02/2007 13:31

I have just told him that I'm struggling, GL. This is when I asked if he could take them out today & then burst into tears!
He has just asked if I want a friend round, as his friend has text & he cab go out to the pub!

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Original poster
notcoping · 12/02/2007 13:32

can go to the pub!
I have said no to this, as it is still not giving me a break from the boys, which is what I really need right now!

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GooseyLoosey · 12/02/2007 13:35

Can you tell him that your friend has texted and that you are going out to the shops? I found telling rather than asking worked better for me as otherwise could nod sympathetically and then ignore me.

Original poster
notcoping · 12/02/2007 13:39

Think I'm just going to walk out & go into town on my own (will tell him I'm going first), because I'm feeling pretty rubbish today tbh & don't feel I would be good company for any of my friends!

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3LoveHeartsAndNoMore · 12/02/2007 13:49

notcoping.............I hope you get some much needed me-time....
My dh is away for 6 month now (army) and I have actually put my ys now 3 mornings a week into Nursery (my ms is going Playgroup anyway, and es is obviously in school) because I know I would go nuts otherwise...it's only 2 1/2 hours 3 mornings a week, but that is better then nothing, eh!

GooseyLoosey · 12/02/2007 13:54

Go, go.. and while you're there buy something absolutely useless just for you. A book, box of choclates, doesn't matter what but it should just be something for you to enjoy.

You may find that you enjoy your children more too when you have had a break from them, I know I do.

Also worth remembering that your children do not see you the way you see yourself. I thought my mother was great and only recently realised that she would go to bed every night saying "I will be a better mother tomorrow".

3LoveHeartsAndNoMore · 12/02/2007 14:00

aww goosey...!
I did work a fair bit over christmas period, as dh was off for 5 weeks, and I really did come home enjoying my Kids more and I realised also just how muhc I miss tyhem when I wasn't around. The Job I do, when I do it, is 24 1/2 h shifts, so, was away often for a whole day...very surreal when you used to your Kids being stuck on you all the time.

Original poster
notcoping · 12/02/2007 14:39

Been out, posted a parcel & bought some alcohol! Feel cold, but better for it!

I do work (half term atm), but I work with children, so don't really get that much of a break!

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3LoveHeartsAndNoMore · 12/02/2007 14:43

glad you are feeling better...and argh at half term, eh!
Incidentally my Job is also working with Kids, but they are older (10-18)...so, doesn't feel like the same ole...but of course can't really do any shifts whilest dh is away, sigh!

Original poster
notcoping · 12/02/2007 15:00

I find it harder being home with mine during school holidays than I do coping with 25 4 & 5 year olds in a class!

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3LoveHeartsAndNoMore · 12/02/2007 15:02

lol...I think that si ebcause your own Kids know you so well and know there is no escape !
Holidays are a nightmare, sigh....

Original poster
notcoping · 12/02/2007 15:18

I think you're right there, 3hearts!

The boys have gone to my parents house with their father now, who after seeing how tearful I am, decided he best not go back to the pub & leave me alone with them for another day!

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3LoveHeartsAndNoMore · 12/02/2007 15:23

glad you were able to get teh message across to him then!
Have a nicer elaxing Bath, or read somehting or do something nice just for you

Original poster
notcoping · 12/02/2007 15:32

Having a cup of tea & then going to go upstairs, turn off Nick Junior & fill out a load of forms that need doing in peace!

I am meeting up with some old work colleagues for a drink tonight, which will probably do me good!

Thanks for all being around & understanding.x

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3LoveHeartsAndNoMore · 12/02/2007 15:54

notcoping, night out eh...you lucky thing!
You sound like you are feeling better already!

sickandtired · 13/02/2007 11:39

I took them to the library in the end yesterday - just to get out!

Back at work today after a night with no sleep as they both have that horrid cough thats going round. Still, at least no ones fighting at work (Yet!)

GooseyLoosey · 13/02/2007 11:41

You still need to go out without them - taking them out with you just doesn't give you the rest and perspective you need.

Is there anyone other than dh who could look aftr them for you?

Original poster
notcoping · 13/02/2007 14:46

I agree that going out with the children doesn't really give you that much needed break - infact sometimes doing certain things, like taking them into town with you, can prove extra stressful (especially if your 3 year old happens to help himself to a bottle of suncream from superdrug during the trip...but that's another story!!), but if there's nobody to look after the children, it does you all good to get out of the house & do something fun.
If you can get out without children from time to time, it really does you good though - even something as simple as walking to the postbox to post a letter!
Hope you're not feeling too tired today, sickandtired.
I felt much better for my night out last night - it was great to catch up with friends I haven't seen for a while, although my head was suffering this morning from the 5 glasses of wine I drank, which doesn't make dealing with 2 noisy boys the easiest task!!

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Dinosaur · 13/02/2007 14:48

Hope you're feeling a bit better, notcoping.

Original poster
notcoping · 13/02/2007 16:03

Feeling a bit better today, dinosaur (have a feeling you may have sussed who I am!), I am better than I was on Sunday, that's for sure!
Think I've been getting quite boggled down with everything recently, and being alone with children playing up is sometimes just one thing too much...especially when you know you will soon be coping alone for the majority of the time!

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Original poster
notcoping · 13/02/2007 16:43

Must be feeling better today, as I have just walked into the bathroom shortly after DS2 & stood in a puddle he left behind! I have remained calm!!

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3LoveHeartsAndNoMore · 14/02/2007 09:48

wd notcoping, for remaining calm
Glad to hear things are improving...

Original poster
notcoping · 15/02/2007 18:22

It's still a struggle at times & sometimes I feel I have had a really good day & other times it's not so good! Have been trying really hard though, and have also been trying to get out of the house as much as possible!

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minmooch · 15/02/2007 18:46

New to this site but read your thread with empathy. I have 2 boys, 10 & 9 and I remember the youngest at 2 pushing me to my extreme limits. Didn't help as I had a terrible marriage with h not having any interest in eihter the children (they had to be in bed before he came home and never wanted much to do with them at the weekend)or me. Wanted to run away from it all. I am now divorced and the boys live with me. It's still difficult at times but as they get older although they still push me to the limits they are able to understand how upsetting it can be and normally any bad behaviour is short lived. What I am trying to say is that you are not the only one, all us mums feel terrible guilt for some of the terrible thoughts we have, you WILL get through it and you have many, many lovely times ahead of you with your children.

Original poster
notcoping · 15/02/2007 20:12

Thanks minmooch.
My boys father is not often around either. He is often either working 12 hour shifts, coming home after bedtime, or out with his friends at the w/e. He is also quite over the top with his punishments, so I try not to get him too involved.
I am soon going to be on my own, as we are in the middle of a separation & this is beginning to scare me a little, because if I'm finding it hard to cope now, surely I won't cope at all when totally on my own.

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