Genuinely not sure...
I'm currently off work with depression. I have a prebooked appointment on Thursday.
For weeks I've had a lot of suicidal thoughts with little intent. This weekend they've got worse, I haven't done anything though except one minor cut. But I just really wish I was dead.
My doctor always tells me to go back in if I feel worse. I'm fairly confident that I could get an on-the-day appointment tomorrow if I phone first thing.
But I feel stupid because I've not DONE anything, and I'm too scared of messing it up to actually try to kill myself. And I don't know what I actually expect the doctor to do! I'm on medication but if she increases it, it takes weeks to take effect. I'm already awaiting cbt through work (should be a couple of weeks wait rather than many months nhs waiting list, I know this makes me luckier than many others). I've been ill for YEARS, I know there's no magic cure. But I can't cope with feeling this bad.
So... do I try to go tomorrow or do I wait it out til Thursday?