Can someone help me understand what this is

[Pickled0nions]

I don't think I am depressed. NHS says clinical depression is where you are depressed for weeks or months at a time. I'm not.

I do normal daily things and I am usually feeling mostly fine most days.

For some time now I have a sudden onset of deep depression that leads to me having urges to be suicidal. It comes on VERY suddenly and sometimes its so bad that I feel deeply depressed (can't move stare into space type depressed) all day the day after my sudden onset.

Things trigger it, like watching a very emotional film, or having a fall out with DH.

I don't know if this is PTSD?
After the onset I usually recover and I normally wont have another trigger for a while so in the meantime I continue to function normally.

What is this? I don't understand what's wrong with me.

I'd go to your GP. No one here will be qualified to diagnose you

Could be PTSD, could be bipolar, could be many things but please seek support IRL.

I know. I guess I am trying to avoid the GP because I don't function like this all the time.
I just want to know what steps I can take to try and avoid these episodes I don't want medication.
Thank you for responding.

Please do see your GP. They may suggest meds but equally they may also suggest CBT.

Yes absolutely you can go for talking therapies if meds don't suit

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources - here. You can also go to the Samaritans' website here, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

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Ok thank you

Think you absolutely need RL professional help OP. Suicidal urges and sudden onset of deep depression absolutely needs investigating and treating somehow. Not sure what you have against meds. I was on citalopram to give me the support I needed to access CBT. Off it now.

I just don't respond well to medication. I'm not against them, I just would like to know what my alternative options are first.

I just feel stuck at the moment. I told my DH that I have these thoughts and he brushed it off as normal, I don't know what to think.

They are not normal. At all.
Have you been on meds before?
I would book a GP appointment and discuss all the options.

I get this. Fine, fine, fine then wham feel like shit for a while and then suddenly fine,fine, fine and then amazing.

I was diagnosed with rapid cycling bi polar but that's been revised to bpd. The only things that help, as in reducing the episodes, is healthy diet, exercise, reduction in stress (I'm all very the place and make very questionable decisions about odd things when under stress) no alcohol and plenty of sleep. I still get mood swings, I hate them but the only medication that worked for me is now deemed too expensive so I'm med free.

I've learned to almost just accept the lows and hold on while I'm feeling awful and wait for it to lift. It's all you can do sometimes. The ups are a little harder, usually I'm just overly cheerful and excited (and probably annoying) but sometimes I make some bad decisions and I need to be aware of myself all the time.

Thanks for sharing Kitty It does sound a lot like that however I don't have episodes of being more cheerful or manic, just extreme sudden lows.
It's a shame that the medication has become too expensive for you
I have come across RBD Recurrent Brief Depression which sounds much more like my episodes. Especially as I don't have insomnia or problems sleeping I am actually more tired and sleep too much.

My episodes last no more than two days but they are severe, they feel severe. The urge to kill myself is great when it first starts. They are always triggered by an event unfortunately and I cannot dictate how or when these will happen sometimes.
I try to keep myself away from programmes that talk about death, or upsetting things because I know it will affect my mood.
This isn't normal at all is it.

I will make an appointment tomorrow.

Wolfiefan I had citalopram shortly after the birth of my child. I didn't give them long enough to work in all fairness but I ended up combatting my PND with exercise and forcing myself to get a job that meant I had to go be social and get out of the house.

Pickled. Not all meds work for all people. Citalopram helps some but not others. And yes it does take a while to work.
YYYY to exercise and making yourself get out there. I do agree you need to see GP though as these episodes sound extreme and frankly scary. (Especially if you are looking after your kids when the suicidal urges take hold. )

Citalopram did fuck all for me, I found talking therapy more helpful

Yes I think I need to talk. :) Thank you everyone.

Talking therapy has absolutely changed my life. I am much more able to cope with life and my illness now