Just been diagnosed with BPD and feeling really down

[FaithLoveandHope]

I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety years ago after experiencing trauma but I've always felt it was more complicated than that. I finally got referred to the primary mental health team about 6 months ago who referred me to the psychiatrist. He's now just diagnosed me with BPD. I don't know what to think or how to feel. I feel completely lost with it all, I feel like there's something wrong with me, that there's a fundamental flaw in my character. Since being diagnosed I've felt so down and anxious and tiny little things really bother me and I get really angry and then internalise that anger which makes everything feel worse. There are only a couple of people I've told about the diagnosis as I feel there's so much negativity and judgment towards that diagnosis which I really can't face. I feel like I'm falling apart tbh ;(

Cross post. My post wasn't about whether I have BPD. I absolutely think I do and actually was going to mention it to the psychiatrist but then he diagnosed me before I had the chance. However, thinking I have it still didn't prepare me for the emotions I felt when he actually said the words. I thought I would feel relief but instead burst into tears and have been feeling very unsettled since. I think the fact many people have such a negative view of it makes it incredibly difficult to talk about and can make it feel very isolating. Many people knew I had a psychiatrist appointment but when I came back I only felt able to tell them about my meds rather than the diagnosis. The psychiatrist said he'd be very happy to see me again if needs be after I do this course. I think he's right because whilst I don't think this cbt course will be the fix all it may help and can help us reassess what we think it is I need to move forward more positively.

I seem to be cross posting a lot. Lady how did you get involved with the group therapy? I think that could really help me but has never been suggested. The course I'm about to start doing is a group one but for anyone with any mental illness not just BPD and as far as I'm aware is mostly just a PowerPoint presentation and a few hand outs.

Faith It's a referral from the cmht in Nottingham I'm sure they have them all over the place though it's an introduction to the idea of group therapy with the idea being we can move onto a 6 month more intense course if we want when we're done. It's for personality disorders but I was told group therapy is the most effective form of therapy for people with a personality disorder.

I hated it at first and dreaded going but I've really started to enjoy it and am actually making friends which was something that genuinely seemed impossible to me when I first began the course.

Faith - best wishes for this, the first steps can be such a shock but hopefully there is the right support for you out there

do you agree with the diagnosis faith or do you question it? Were you given the Millon test?

Hopefully (if the diagnosis is something you agree with) the MH team will change their mind about whether talking therapy is useful! Have you started the CBT yet?

I know it's hard- but try not to feel that your character is being judged. If it helps don't tell people what you've been diagnosed with. No one needs to know- I don't know most of my friends my friends physical/mental diagnoses even if I know they have 'problems'…usually nothing occurs in isolation anyway….so you can have BDP…but also have depression/anxiety etc. Sometimes it's just easier to say you've got MH problems if people want an explanation. Often regardless of diagnosis most of us with MH problems have got rather a lot in common anyway! What does your partner make of your diagnosis?

sorry cross posting

Thanks Lady I'll ask them about it. I agree tbh and think I'd hate it at first because the idea of new social situations scares me. But I think it'd be good when I get used to it.

danger OH is really supportive and understands completely as he too has the diagnosis of BPD. He's had over a decade since the diagnosis and lots of therapy in the meantime though so is way further along in accepting and dealing with it than I am.

Sorry danger I didn't answermost of your post. I don't know what the Millon test is but I was asked a series of questions so perhaps I've inadvertently been given it? I've not started the CBT yet, am due to start in a few weeks

the Millon test is a personality test often used to help diagnose personality disorders…I was lucky in that the psychiatrist and psychologist were open as to what they were doing. I had a booklet and had questions…had to mark along a scale whether the statement was a lot like me/definitely not like me. It might be worth asking whether this was done/whether it could be if it wasn't. I found it useful as the psychologist went through it afterwards. It doesn't just test for behaviours/thinking etc it also measures how much this affects you…so there were thresholds that had to be met before you'd be classed as having a personality disorder, but there were areas below this where you could be seen as displaying borderine/schizoid tendencies for example. It also measured for depression and psychosis- and again this was quantified. When the psychologist went through the explanations I was just like 'wow that's me!'. It was helpful as it then influenced how I was treated (I was in hospital) and it made me feel like I was understood, when I was at a point where I found it almost impossible to express/explain myself.

Forgot to say hope the CBT goes well. Although it might not fix you, it will hopefully be one of the first informed steps towards a better future

Don't worry too much though, the Millon is just one of many possible ways of assessing BPD, I'm glad you had a positive experience though danger (and I very much agree with your user name, danger mouse is ace)

That is true blue different psychiatrists use different ways

Hi FaithLoveandHope, I know exactly what your feeling hun, I had a bit of a breakdown to say the least two years ago which resulted in my kids having to live with my mum whilst I "got myself together" I was hospitalized three times over the space of a year and diagnosed with BPD or EID whichever you prefer. I know its a huge blow and leaves you with an identity crisis, who am I? Is this me or my illness, you feel scared to even trust your own emotions as your not sure they are "justified" or "Real" or just and "over reaction" You will get through this is the first thing I want you to know, you need time to let it settle and also you need knowledge. Knowledge of yourself and knowledge of the disorder. DBT therapy is another very helpful tool as can be CBT. By getting to know yourself I mean come to know and accept your boundaries and triggers what make s you tip over and why, everyone weather they have BPD or not has them, we just feel them soo much stronger. There are some great chat pages on facebook that really helped me through the early stages and also Mindfulness techniques which can help bring you down when your emotions and thoughts are all over the place. Drugs can be prescribed but they are not how you want to live your life especially as a mother (in my opinion) I was on antidepressants which made me numb to any emotion in the end , Mood stabilizers ( Should be called tranquilizers as they merely stupefy you throughout the day) and PRN Benzos which are a quick fix but don't help you face the problems or teach you how to cope. But they can be helpful in short bursts when you really are struggling. There was a time when I thought that was it, I was broken , never to work , or be a mother or hold down a relationship because I was so flawed, but now I have my boys back, I'm engaged to a man that really understands me and we have another little one on the way! If I can then you can! Don't let it define you! I hope this helps , please don't hesitate to message me if you have any more questions. xxx

Apologies FaithLoveandHope, as I do not want to derail your thread, but I wanted to say MissButtonMagpie - that is a lovely post , and it gives me hope, and congratulations on your pregnancy! Thank you Faith for starting this thread as well - the thread has helped me.

Do you think that there is room for a thread specifically about what I would call emotional regulation, for sharing (healthier) strategies and talking each other down? There are a few other long-running symptom-specific threads on the MH board which I find help me, just knowing that someone else understands and has suggestions for when I am struggling. What do you think?

I will reply properly later as I'm just getting ready for work but I wanted to say yes erinaceus I do think that thread would be a good idea. And don't worry about derailing the thread, Im more concerned about it being negatively derailed like with Fairy's post. I'm very happy for this thread to move on to supporting others :)

Hey erinaceus Thank you so much for your encouragement in my post (My first post on here!) and my pregnancy! I love your idea too , I would love to chat to others about their MH and help however I can. There is huge stigma around MH and sufferers ability to parent which infuriates me . But it is only ignorance and spreading experienced knowledge and coping strategies can only benefit I think! X

Yes, MissButton great empathetic post, let's have more of those! I also second MissButton's mention of DBT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy), this is the therapy indicated for BPD and I've seen it make a positive difference to many. I hope you find the CBT helpful OP, if you're doing the CBT through IAPT you could ask them whether they provide DBT or can refer you on if needs be (not all MH services provide DBT).

Humans are flawed by their very nature, you no more than the next person OP and don't let silly posts here derail you, these posts aren't made by people with any knowledge to add. Lots of posts here by lovely people who understand and/or share your diagnoses

Emotional (dis)regulation thread.

Please post a reply, otherwise I will feel sad and lonely.

(That was a joke, in case it did not come across that way.)

I've just been recently diagnosed with BPD also I've had serve anxiety for about 8 years and it's just got worst I've been prescribed quetiapine has anyone else had this and found it helped??

Sorry lizzy I missed your post completely. I'm on quetiapine and I do find it helps. My thoughts do still spiral a fair amount and I have trouble regulating my emotions but nowhere near as much. I find with quetiapine it helps with my sleep. My thoughts were always the worst at night but now it pretty much kills my thought processes and I wake up feeling more rested so things are easier to deal with. How are you finding it?

I was assessed by the mental health team years ago and they tried to slap an EUPD diagnosis on me because I was a young female with a funky hair cut and dress sense going through major life changes with a hint of "who am I? Where do I want my life to go?" about me.

I challenged this sexist and exclusive diagnosis heavily and was reassessed as having depression and anxiety.

Do you feel the diagnosis is a good fit? Or have they just shoe horned you into it because of your age/gender/pressure on services?

I haven't been in it that long but I am 7 weeks pregnant so my doctor has recommended I come off it until after I have my baby and stick with a cpn and see how my moods go but if I get worse to go back and discuss it x

Fruit personally I do think it's a good fit. I'm not sure how it's a sexist diagnosis? I'm sorry you feel it was and it wasnt a good fit for you. I do know many men who have also had the diagnosis though. Tbh I don't find it actually helps in terms of the level of support available, nothing seems to have changed really but it does help me understand more about myself.

Congratulations on the pregnancy Lizzy I hope your mood isn't affected too badly by coming off the quetiapine.

I haven't been that bad I am just taking each day as it comes but if I feel l need to go back on it I will but right now I am content with how I feel hoping the pregnancy will keep me focused xx