In hospital. Anyone around to distract me?

[memememe94]

I'm a regular-ish poster on here but had to name change as I outed myself on another part of the forum (Im not bothered about that here--I can give a hint that I was concerned about scissors).

Anyway, I'm back in hospital again. I've had enough. I feel that my blood is bad. It's boiling through my veins. It's frying my mind and the badness is leaching throughout my body.
It hurts. Physically. It really hurts.
I just can't get my head around the idea that this is part of the bipolar. I can feel messages being sent to me. It's all part of being colonised by the badness.
I'm stuck in my hospital room with my thoughts. No way out.

Sorry to be so negative. I feel like I'm in hell.

What are they doing to you? Have you anyone with you?

My husband is at home with DDs. Just been in a couple of hours. Just seen on duty doc who was really quite cold.

Five years ago I was in the same position. The first few days were terrifying but it turned out to be the starting point to me getter much better. I know there's no magic cure but you will get the support you need. Sending you love xx

Just some hugs to send. I'm no good with advice but can lend support :)

Thanks. I know the ropes here. I was in last November and the June before that and the February before that......I hate the place. Th staff are rushed off their feet. You have to try to 'catch' a nurse as they walk to the office. They'll put their head down and try to ignore the throngs of people needing stuff. It's just a holding pen. Now't therapeutic. You can go for days without ant staff talking to you, apart from them yelling down the corridor that it's meal time.

Just a snake pit.

And I'm on constant obs. Great.

Sounds rough. Can you do anything positive with the time?

Sounds awful OP. I hope you get what you need soon. Fwiw I think the mental health provision is abysmal and even though I've never been in your position in have been through the system and I thought it was a complete let down.

Maybe write a diary of your time there? I honestly think in year to come we will look back on this time in mental health with horror.

Have they started you on any meds to relax you for now?

No, they're messing around writing the meds up I think. The staff are particularly unwelcoming this time around. They're usually a bit gentler and caring. I know I'm lucky to have this support and many people have less, but mental hospitals are just hell on earth.

I think people think of them where you get people to talk to and chance to relax. Whereas you're dumped in a room, there's constant alarms, screaming,shouting. It's busy and noisy but incredibly lonely too.

They're awful places to be. You'd think that in this day and age they'd have come up with a better model.

I'm also in a bed of someone who's out on pass. God knows how that's going to work.

Sorry. I'm complaining a lot. Don't feel much safer here than anywhere else.

Crochet, colouring, drawing, knitting? Something repetitive to keep your hands busy but mind calming. Is it too soon to learn meditation? Ooh word search if you can concentrate.
I've got anxiety and depression. The anxiety is bad today so very difficult to leave the house.
Hold on to knowing it's the illness.

Oh meme I'm sorry you are in again. (You may well be the poster I sent coffee to during a previous stay!)
Have you anything you can read or colour or any craft activity you like? Puzzles? Can anyone get you any? How about music? Headphones might help with noise.

Thanks for the rrsponses. I do yoga, although no yoga mat. Shall I do a headstand? That might make them look.

You are in flight or fight mode. I like looking at gardens online too. Learning plant names. Just something to block out the negative voice. I'm not very nice to myself.

Yes do it. I can even do a handstand!

Research yoga retreats?
Brush up your sun salutation?
Research Iyengar. Amazing man.

I'm not allowed headphones. I've got my iPad and laptop and a book. I can get on my work's wifi so some distraction there. I just want my thoughts to slow down and the burning to stop.

I hate being on obs. Talk about feeling exposed at your most vulnerable, especially because nobody has bothered to introduce themselves or say hi. Just sat there looking pissed off that someone is having to do obs.

I might try yoga later. Floors a bit hard, but that'll toughen me up, right?

Can you get music on your laptop?
Wonder what you get if you google tough yoga?! Something to aim for?

Yes I can put music on. I've just got some lorazepam and quetiapine. That might make my yoga quite wonky

You get Tough Love Yoga Centre in Atlanta. Whodathunkit?