I can't think of one single person that wouldn't be better off if I was dead

[squaretoes]

DH hates me, my mental health is an excuse. He wants to leave but can't afford to right now and when I cry or be sad he tells me to stop sulking.

If I was dead he would get my life insurance.

DD barely has a mother, I am anxious and paranoid and scared and depressed.

My work are paying me for not being there because I'm so ill.

My friends are all fed up of the excuses and having to support me.

I wish I had the courage to kill myself. I just want to be happy. I have done stupid things to try and make myself happy. Nothing has worked. I just want my life back.

I hurt, I want it to stop. I haven't even NC, what's the point. I don't expect a reply. I don't deserve one. I am so selfish and a waste of space.

If I said this to DH or showed him this he would tell me I am having a pity party.

I'm tired

Sorry to post and run, am literally walking into the office. you're on paroxetine? The side effects of those antidepressants can be suicidal feelings (Google it, the makers have been hauled over the coals for it. I attempted suicide a few times on that stuft). Sit tight, see your gp for a different type of medication, ignore what those bloody pills are telling you. Hopefully someone else will be here shortly.

You don't need to man up. You have every right to be sad. I am really rubbish with advice, put I can promise you that one day you won't feel this bad.
You have strength somewhere deep down inside you...it led to you reaching out for help by starting this thread.
Hold onto that strength. You will get through, you will survive and happiness will come.
If this is rock bottom, take comfort from that...the fact that you couldn't possibly feel worse. So it can only get better.
Just keep swimming.

Yes, I'm on paraxetine. I will google now.

I can't find that strength. I thought I was getting better. DH saying this has just sent me so far backwards. I can't blame him though