Finally taken seriously

[PennyPebbles]

I saw a psychiatrist for an hour yesterday. Only ever seen one for 10 mins through the Crisis team before.

He was bloody fantastic. Told me that I will get better and that he can do lots to help me. Called my employer there and then and suggested some ways they can support me. Got me a CPN I'm going to see every two weeks. Couldn't believe that my GPs have been tinkering with meds and just referring to crisis for seven years, without getting me into the system properly. Told me that with the family history of MH issues I was always going to be high risk. That I'm suffering with a really severe and ongoing episode of depression and anxiety.

I left the appointment feeling relived that someone has finally realised that just because I can get up and go to work doesn't mean that I'm not really depressed. But now I feel totally flat and a bit scared. I met the CPN afterwards and she did another assessment and said that I was the patient who had most worried her recently. That I seem to almost have too much insight to myself, like I've detached from myself. She thinks I'm really quite ill. I thought I was presenting quite well, I was trying so hard to appear 'normal'.

I don't really know why I've posted. I should be happy to be moving forward, to have some treatment options, to feel like someone understood. Actually I just feel terrified and so down today.

I phoned the treatment team and they said it had been faxed, but they'd send it again this morning. I rang the surgery after work and they said they still don't have anything, so I've still got no anxiety meds. Shaking is getting harder to hide and I feel like my mind is racing. I can't sit down or breathe properly.

What is the point?

Because you are important and you deserve to be well.

Tomorrow you need to ring the psych and check what number they have for the doctor. Maybe ring the doctors surgery first to get the fax number so you could tell them straight away if it is the right one.

Oh bless you, they must have the wrong fax number or something silly. Why do these things always seem to happen when we least need them. Please do not give up tonight, just because fate seems to be throwing a spoke in the works. Call the surgery tomorrow and ask for their fax number, then ring the treatment team to confirm where they are sending it.

As another intelligent and articulate sufferer with too much insight, I totally sympathise. We rationalise things and explain them away, put them in neat boxes and get on with life rather than screaming until we get help.

Please do ignore or complain about the HR person at work. Your psychiatrist has every right to phone them. Under health and safety legislation surely your workplace has every right, and a responsibility to take your health and welfare seriously. Are you in a union?

Time to start getting stroppy and standing up for you. Let us help you to do that.

Thinking of you.

- X post with awesome who is rather more succinct than me!

Will the GP receptionist chase up the treatment team, so they can forward the information by email or letter instead? who uses fax these days? Or if not, could they ask the GP to phone them and confirm what you've been prescribed, so that they can prescribe for you in the meantime? Or tomorrow morning you could request a same-day doctor's appointment.

I just can't chase it anymore. I'm tired and embarrassed of turning up to the GPs and being treated like a liar.

I'm not going to bother again with the meds or seeing anyone. What will be will be.

Thanks for all of your supportive posts on here.

Do you have friends/family in RL who could help, perhaps by phoning on your behalf?

So you should feel tired of turning up to the GPs and being treated like a liar. Once this is sorted out you we will help you word an email of complaint to them.

We quite understand that you can't chase anything else up tonight, Sweetheart, but if you can sleep tonight, or at least get some rest, then give it one more go in the morning. Just tell the treatment team that the GPs are denying all knowledge of the fax and ask them to phone the surgery to confirm the contact details. Tell them that the GPs are refusing to discuss it with you and ask them to sort it out and to let you know once they have confirmed it has arrived safely.

for you.

Now listen here, Penny. You can not give up. You've got the mumsnet support team behind you and we never lose a team member.

Call tomorrow. I'll be out all morning but I'll be thinking of you.

Holding your hand penny

GPs can be a pain but the right one can make all the difference. Can you see a different one at the same practice or change practices? A friend of mine told me which doctor her brother used who is great with his depression - is there a network that can help you chose an understanding one?
The psychiatrist and treatment team are trying to help save as the others have said speak to them in the morning and get the meds sorted. And just because you are not supposed to see your cpn for a bit doesn't mean you cannot phone her when you need to - she would much rather you did than suffer in silence.
Do you know what mens the psychiatrist was prescribing? You could phone 111 and get the out of hours doc to give you some for the next day or so.

Lol meds not men autocorrect!

You could phone 111 and get the out of hours doc to give you some for the next day or so.

That's a good idea willow.

Penny, how are you?

Sorry for not replying sooner, I've been in a bad way again.

I finally got my prescription tonight, had to ring CPN three times this week as GP was refusing to give me a prescription even after getting the fax from psychiatrist. GP then refused to speak to CPN and in the end the consultant had to phone her himself to get the prescription done.

Totally exhausted now as anxiety has been through the roof all week and I've been to the GP surgery every evening trying to get the prescription. I think they must think I'm a drug-seeker.

Glad you finally got your prescription. I hope the medication helps.

Thanks.

This week as taken a toll. I wish I hadn't seen any of them to be honest. I'm not going back to see them again. It's worse now than it was before I saw them.

But now you have the tablets you can start to get better.

No, they are just diazepam to control the anxiety.

It doesn't matter anyway, it's always the same. Seek help and end up feeling worse.

Are there any other GPs at the practice?

No, my GP retired in December and this is the replacement. It's fine though, she obviously realises what a waste of space I am. Not seeing her or CPN again. Will deal with myself. Can't rely on anyone but yourself.

Only one GP? Any chance you could register somewhere else?

No, you're not a "waste of space" at all. You deserve better treatment.

I was bumping along okay until this, just need to keep to myself and not involve anyone.

I have felt that no-one understands. That no one cares. I know I have to be my own fan, my own team member and my own fighter. But letting someone help is part of the healing process. You just haven't found the right helper yet.

Just realised how ironic the thread title is. I thought they had finally realised that I need proper help, but obviously not.

Drugged up on diazepam and its still not really touching the anxiety.

I just have to keep going on my own and when it gets too much I'm just going to die. It's the sensible thing.