How bad will I feel in the morning?

[Goingtobeawesome]

I've had a really difficult time. I decided today i was going to drink loads so I could just have a few hours off from feeling -suicidal- rubbish. I rarely drink. So far I've had 2.5 glasses of wine and five sparkling wine truffles. I'm a light weight so already feeling it. This is a one off. Probably won't drink again for weeks.

I'm still sad but resigned.

I am posting to keep a check on how much I drink since I've nearly had a whole small glass of Baileys since 8 pm and I feel affected by it. I feel really sad tonight which is why I poured the drink and while I know why I'm a bit down, I don't know why I'm so down iyswim.

How are you feeling today, going?

Bit teary after feeling criticised on my health thread tbh which added to my already feeling like a failure for drinking last night, and still feeling very upset over emotional stuff, not great . I am grateful for your care to ask Imbroglio. I just feel lost and I don't know why.

This is me just talking to myself as I've realised I am moaning in a couple of threads but this is quieter.

Didn't have a drink last night as realised was a bad idea. Today I did something really stupid and dangerous. I need to learn how to pretend all is okay. Im worrying my DH and I know that's not fair. I want a drink. I've never been a big drinker. It's about not having the capacity to think or feel for a bit.

I hear you.

Me too. Hopefully it's helping you posting and others will read it and it will help them too, knowing someone is going through something similar and having others care what happens to them

DH not happy with me. Having a drink. Trapped in a life I am not happy in, in a life I don't want.

Sorry if you've already said, but are you on anti depressants? Do you have children? I hope you are ok.

No. I have emotional depression not chemical I think. Given make pill will help. I've tried. I've got a few kids.

OP the answer to your difficulties is not on this thread , or the bottom of a wine glass.

For the sake of your children please seek some real life help from your GP to signpost you for some problem solving.

The first step in feeling better is in to take some responsibility for your own wellbeing .

I was told I don't meet the criteria for support. I have tried. I understand pain. Moments of happiness fill me with fear.

OP what support have you tried to find yourself ?

GP

Counselling with five different people

Book/CD

I would try a different gp. I wonder if social services could refer you for counselling, I'm pretty sure children who are adopted are entitled to counselling as adults. I've recently been to my gp feeling overwhelmed and teary, she said I can self refer for telephone counselling, said to Google italk I think. I'm not drinking currently because it makes me feel anxious next day and I'm having anxiety attacks, but if there was wine in the fridge I'd be at it. It's hard, alcohol is really nice!

I'm not adopted and social services would be the last place I would go to for help.

I don't know if I feel like I do because of hormones or because of something else. I read a thread this morning and I want to cry. My little boy has just had a disappointment and was so brave but i could tell he was so sad and I want to cry for him that I'm not the mum he deserves. I'm seriously fat and I'm just tired of being forced to live and if I wasn't here I'd stop making my husband so sad.

I'm still finding it impossible to work out what part of my mood is caused my menapause issues and my emotional ones but I'm not feeling as I did. Last week felt like one long PMT issue. I cried. I panicked. I stressed. But I also know some of it was emotional stuff. Maybe it doesn't even matter. I am on new tablets which I had a bad reaction too last night and I know to take them at a different time tonight. I'm kind of feeling I'm living out of my body right now. Like something is controlling me but at least I'm not wanting to die .

I think you need a new GP. You deserve not to feel like this. Not sure what you mean by
"Emotional depression"

Oh op I wish I could give you a big cuddle but then I would cry too so I'm useless to you!! 😉
There was a thread on here a couple.of weeks ago which was so thought provoking...it amazed me how many of us are feeling low/unhappy/depressed/ill
You are NOT alone
You do sound depressed and add to that hormonal issues and its no wonder you feel so low
But one thing I would say is your constant references to dh and your kids being unhappy because of you is the illness talking. Its insidious like that. It reaches into out souls and makes us doubt those who love us most.
I would also suggest seeing a different Dr or asking for a referral to a menopause clinic at hospital.
There are meds can really help both depression and menopause - alcohol is NOT one of them.
X

I mean that it isn't a chemical imbalance. What is upsetting me isn't going to be cured by a tablet. I was diagnosed with PND but I've had depression since teenage years I feel. I've had a lot of bad stuff happen and I haven't dealt with any of it as haven't found anyone to help. I'm basically sad and no tablet will fix why.

Badders - cross posted there. Have to go it right now, I'm late, but I will read and Reply once home. Sorry.

Hi Badders, we went to the beach. Had fish/scampi/burgers/sausage and chips then a hot chocolate with cream and a flake. It was freezing and raining but good to get out. We don't go out as much as £ is tighter than it was and DH and I are always knackered, but after last weekend DH was adamant we had to get out

I definitely feel I need to talk to someone about how I am feeling emotionally. Tried to with DH but it didn't go well. I can't explain it, he gets hurt and then I can't be honest.

Men need to "fix" things ime.
Listening to someone you love in pain when you don't feel you can help is hard.
I'm not making excuses for him, but at the same time, it's something I have noticed.
My dh can be the same.
I don't want suggestions or ideas I want him to just listen.
I do think you should speak to someone.
Your past sounds like it was difficult and maybe perhaps you could be suffering late onset ptsd?
I had pnd too but the right meds soon sorted me out (took a while to get the right ones though)
I really hope that you can find some way to get help.
If this and your other thread have shown you anything hopefully it's that You are not alone
X

Both of us have found it hard to say certain things to each other. Worried about hurting each other. He hasn't done anything wrong though but I have. I've struggled with my feelings and they are all wrapped up with childhood experiences, abandonment, abuse, first love, trauma and homelessness. I'm terrified he will leave me but I can't stop self destructing. I feel I want to make a mess of things so I have control over when he leaves me, to free him of the pain of being with me and because I can't self destruct to pay back the professionals who were negligent I will hurt myself. Im not even sure that makes any sense.

An abusive childhood leaves many scars I imagine
I can sort of see what you mean wrt wanting control and why that's important after a childhood with little or no control over what happened to you
I really do think you need psychological help and I don't mean cbt
Can you see a different gp? I know at my surgery there are certain ones I won't even go and see - pointless

I keep doing stuff that usually hurts. Just hoping for a different outcome. It's taking too long to get it in my head I'm being a prat. DH is a complete star and I just know I'll just mess things up. I think I just need to stop thinking, talking, being a prat.