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Original poster

Is it time to see my GP?

40 replies

swoosh · 30/12/2006 03:06

I don?t know if need to see my doctor or if I?m over-reacting. I suspect that if I?m considering it, I do need to but maybe I just need to pull myself together?I can?t think straight and it?s hard to be objective.

I do have a lot going on in my life atm so most of this is related to that.

Most of the time I:

Feel miserable (not all the time, sometimes I am quite chripy)
Lack energy/ motivation to get up & out (although I do try and feel better when I do)
Cry myself to sleep
Cry during the day
Am very emotional yet I feel sort of empty & useless
Am really lonely
Am a crap mother & want to be better but just can?t work out how
Ignore e-mails & avoiding making arrangements to see friends
Can?t sleep (hence posting now)

My head is full of thoughts & nothing will settle so I can?t think straight & work out what I need to do.

I have a history of depression but don?t remember what it felt like. Am I just being a misery? Do I need a kick up the backside or medical help?

OP posts:
Original poster
swoosh · 30/12/2006 03:14

Having read my OP, I think I'll call them on Monday.

No idea where all the ? came from. Sorry.

OP posts:
flimflam · 30/12/2006 13:39

hi swoosh
how long have you felt like this? my depression began with anxiety but when I look back, all the things in your list were there as well, so v difficult to know whether I had depression before anxiety or the other way around. I would have a chat with the doctor and see what he / she says. They can be very understanding. It is also a tricky time of year. You're supposed to be full of beans and enjoying the festivities but if that's not the case for you it makes you feel guilt on top of it all.
Good luck with all of this. You are not alone and it will not last. x

Original poster
swoosh · 30/12/2006 17:41

Thanks flimflam

I guess I've felt like this on and off for a few months but not to the degree where I felt I might need help. I was coping failry well until now. I'm at the point where I'm bursting into tears for no reason, feeling overwhelmed and just want to stay in bed. Ds doesn't think this is a good idea so has me up at the crack of dawn anyway. Probably just as well really!

OP posts:
flimflam · 30/12/2006 20:19

I think if you are at that point of crying all the time and the 'thing' feels bigger than you, then its time to accept some help. A simple visit to the GP might be enough - just to get it off your chest. It doesn't always mean AD time although they are clearly useful.

I've been on meds for about 10 weeks or so (forgetting the time now). I still have times where I feel down (esp if tired) but for some reason I just don't cry about it (obv the tablets). I think I've cried once in the whole time I've been on meds and even then it was because I hurt myself and it only lasted a minute rather than the hour!

Good luck x

Original poster
swoosh · 30/12/2006 20:31

You're absolutely right. I think just talking to someone who may able to help might just be enough. When I feel ok and remember my crying for no reason, I just think I'm being pathetic. But when I feel so sad that I cry, I still feel really pathetic but hopeless too.

I'm glad the meds are helping you - I think crying for a minute because you hurt yourself is perfectly reasonable!

Thanks for your support - take care.

OP posts:
wetweekend · 31/12/2006 00:54

Yes, see GP. Can't hurt, can it?

fussymummy · 31/12/2006 01:05

Swoosh You need medical help.

I read the signs and have suffered myself for so long.

Don't put it off any longer.

I'm here if you want to chat.

Take care. xx

Original poster
swoosh · 31/12/2006 01:13

Thanks fussymummy

You 'know' me & a bit of background as to why I'm feeling like this - not really sure why I name-changed (again).

Will e-mail you. x

OP posts:
fussymummy · 31/12/2006 02:08

Good to hear from you.

You know where i am when you need me. xx

Original poster
swoosh · 31/12/2006 03:21

Thanks Fussymummy. Take Care x

OP posts:
wetweekend · 31/12/2006 15:18

Hope you're feeling ok Swoosh.

I'm very surprised that more people didn't offer their support.

colditz · 31/12/2006 15:20

Now you need to go to the doctor. I went to the doc when feeling like this, and hetold me to never leave it this late again.

twoplusone · 31/12/2006 15:25

swoosh- I could have been reading about myself reading your post..apart from the not sleeping.. but tbh think it is the pg making me tired.

Dont know about you but i hav to force myself to get out and about and I do this because of the kids.
I was set to spend tonight alone then I got an invite this morn to a girls house I dont really know but they know I am on my own here.. (in Germany dh in afghan)so I am going to go making new friends here might help me. (only here 2weeks when DH got deployed) and my children to feel more at home thean alone...

sorry didnt mean to go on..

I hope you feel better soon and good luck at the doctors.

fussymummy · 01/01/2007 01:40

Hi Swoosh how are you?
How are you coping?
I did send you another email the other day, hope you got it ok?
Keep in touch, and take care. xx

Original poster
swoosh · 01/01/2007 01:53

Thanks Colditz, you're right.

Twoplusone, you didn't 'go on'. It's hard to move especially when you don't know anyone. If you're brave, there maybe other MNers near you - I know some are in Germany with the Army. I go out for the same reason as you - DS needs to go out. If it weren't for him I just wouldn't bother.

Fussymummy, I did get your email thankyou. I didn't mean to be rude - I'll reply asap!

Thanks for your concern & for checking in on me! I'm doing ok. But the days are reeaaalllly long...

x

OP posts:
fussymummy · 01/01/2007 02:05

Swoosh You'll get thrugh this, i know you will.
Once you get started on treatment, you'll find the days start getting shorter again!!!

sarahpops · 01/01/2007 02:49

I'm new to this but hoped i'd find some solace, having read your posting from 30th dec i'm so glad i logged on. I'm still up having just yelled at my poor 6 month old because he's awake again. I feel so desperate, I can't sleep, am avoiding all my friends, can't bear my husband even talking to me and feel like i'm the worst mother in the world. I also have a 2 yr old who is bearing the brunt of my horrible behaviour, i'm not like this all the time but this week has been particularly bad, wondering if i need help, a drink or just to go back to work and let someone else look after my lovely boys.

Original poster
swoosh · 01/01/2007 03:16

Sarahpops,

I hope you are now in bed and are sleeping.

Maybe you should have a chat with your GP too. I really think that now DS is being affected by my miserable behaviour, I need to get some help, not just for me but so his life gets better too. I don't think I'm awful to him but I'm certainly not the mother he deserves and I'm not the mother I want to be & the one I know I can be.

Interesting that you mentioned going back to work. I think for me, it would really help even if just part time. I need to feel like I am still me, not just a mother. My situation is slightly different and there are many days that go by when DS is my only company. I love him to bits, but it's good to have adults around too.

I think this time of year is really hard for a lot of us.

Take care of yourself, x

OP posts:
sarahpops · 01/01/2007 08:23

Hey Swoosh,
I'm glad you think going back to work would help you too. I think I was feeling guilty for feeling like that but my two will be a lot happier i think if they don't have such a misersble mum!

I will see GP this week, hope you work out some part time hours and that your GP helps It is a really hard time of year, i think mum's put so much pressure on themselves to make it perfect and it's so exhausting.

Take care, hope you have a better week.

S

Original poster
swoosh · 02/01/2007 18:23

Ok, I just made an appointment for tomorrow.

Feel a bit silly though because I'm having a good day and don't feel bad at all! Am tempted not to go because I think she'll wonder what on earth I'm doing there & why I'm wasting her time. When I feel ok, I don't think I can describe what it's like when I'm not iyswim.

OP posts:
fussymummy · 02/01/2007 23:12

Swoosh Don't you dare cancel the appointment!!!!

It's taken long enough to get it, so make sure you go.

As soon as you start talking, i'm sure the floodgates will open and it'll all ome pouring out.

Please go, you really need to. xx

Original poster
swoosh · 03/01/2007 00:10

lol fussymummy. You should be called scarymummy!

I haven't cancelled and will do my best to be there tomorrow. Thing is it's a DS's naptime...

(can you see the excuse coming?)

OP posts:
fussymummy · 03/01/2007 00:22

My kids call me scarymummy all the time!!!

I'm not that bad, honest.

Children can sllep in pushchairs or car seats as well you know!!!!

No excuses allowed, i've been there and used them all myself, so i won't let you use them as well!!!!

You know you need to go, and you'll be thankfull that you did.

Even if you were bullied!!!!

Take care. xx

Original poster
swoosh · 03/01/2007 01:48

I'm sure you're not really scary!

I'll report back so you know I went. I expect to feel a bit disheartened as I think I'll be told to just get on with things, but at least I have tried to get a bit of help.

Thanks for your support, fussymummy.

OP posts:
wetweekend · 03/01/2007 02:16

You might find that just telling the GP about the way you feel is enough for now. And if not, I'm sure they'll be able to help.