Back at work tomorrow - not sure I can do this

[Ikeatears]

I've been off since early September- the last 4 months have been a blur of tears, medication, home treatment team, hospital and many,many sleepless nights. I felt on the better side of things (with the odd setback) and I've finally got to the point where I have agreed to a 4 week phased return, starting tomorrow.
Even before I agreed to go back, I've had a tough couple of weeks sleep-wise and mood-wise but I just assumed it was another case of three steps forward, two steps back. I can't shake it off. I slept all day today. I want to cry. I don't think I can do it. I don't feel like the same person I was 4 months ago and I don't think I'm capable anymore of doing my job. I don't feel capable of a lot of things anymore. I feel like I've ruined my life. I can't bear the thought of going in to work tomorrow but I know I have to.

So glad I've dropped my hours. It was a relief to take the dc to school this morning and come back home to have some time to myself. Home is the only place that I feel 'safe' at the moment. Does that make sense? I want to just shut the world out and stay here where I don't have to pretend.

ikea it's great that home feels like a safe place, it means there's somewhere you can let it all I and just be you.
Just to put things into perspective, mums returning from maternity leave with no mental health issues report it takes 4 months to feel competent again - so don't feel like you have to be excellent by next week! Also, you might be leading a classroom, but even if you're only at 50%, you still know 95% more than your audience!

margaret I'm rubbish with jokes - I don't get it!

Well done ikea for getting so far. Baby steps. And look after yourself- even thinking about clothes etc for Thursday. One step at a time. Don't think about next week. You've done far more than you thought you could. Re read this thread to prove it to yourself. Good luck

Thank you so much for your support everyone, it's meant a lot. Not sure what Margaret's been smoking but MNHQ have sorted her out
So today was actually ok, there were a couple of moments when I may have actually enjoyed myself!
I've got my first counselling session on Monday so I'm hopefully going to be able to talk all this through with her.

Oh ikea that's brilliant! You're over the hardest bit now and I'm sure your confidence will continue to grow. Have a fantastic weekend and look forward to your counselling session and another positive week at work.

Well done! Hold on to those feelings- you can do this

So glad to hear you've had a good day!

Thanks all, first week done! Slightly longer hours and a couple of my main duties next week so we'll see how that goes.

How are you doing?