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Mental health

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Original poster

How can you forget something traumatic?

74 replies

Wantingtoforget · 21/12/2015 19:17

Name-changed for this, not sure if it is in the right place either but couldn't think of where it should go.

Something happened to me a while ago that I have never told anyone about. It has had a dramatic effect on my mental health, I'm on maximum dosage of an anti-depressant but I still have flashbacks and panic attacks regularly and I really just want to kill myself.

GP/Crisis have said they can't help because I won't tell them what exactly it is that was traumatic, but I just can't say the words.

Is there anyway to forget something traumatic without having to tell someone/talk about it? I'm feeling like it will control me forever and there is only one way out.

OP posts:

Original poster

Wantingtoforget · 22/12/2015 12:58

I know it was my fault but it won't leave me alone. Just need to shape up or ship out I think.

Thanks to everyone who replied.

OP posts:

originalmavis · 22/12/2015 13:36

Cowards make threats.

You don't have to say what happened until you feel safe to do so. A therapist may feel unwilling if they think a crime has been committed, or is likely to be.

Original poster

Wantingtoforget · 22/12/2015 15:18

I haven't committed a crime, what happened to me was criminal but I didn't commit a crime.

OP posts:

DragonsCanHop · 22/12/2015 15:27

So if you haven't done anything criminal does that mean you are protecting some one who has? And you are only protecting them because they made threats about what would happen if you told?

Do you want to protect this person or help protect yourself and get yourself better?

Original poster

Wantingtoforget · 22/12/2015 15:40

They know my address and promised to come to my home and do it again if I ever told anyone. I'm protecting myself, I would a thousand times rather die than have that happen again.

OP posts:

DragonsCanHop · 22/12/2015 16:06

I have sent you a message, look at the top of the page with the purple box and click on the red dot.

EvaBING · 22/12/2015 16:23

Wantingtoforget - you're getting there! You've started to tell little bits!

Could you write it out and send it via pm to someone? You're anonymous But you will have TOLD one person! Then you can start to engage fully with counselling?

I had something horrific that I did in my past. It was something that I did. I ended up in a support group and crying my eyes out telling this person that there was this horrific thing that I had done. On a one to one chat, Miracle of miracles, this peer, tells me, 'do you know what the worst thing is that I've ever done? I did blah blah blah'. 'Blah blah blah was EXACTLY THE SAME THING AS I HAD DONE!

There is nothing so bad that can't be dealt with. Believe me. Nothing.

Don't take the typically prudish up-standing standards on MN as a brush to beat yourself with.

Some of us would not be shocked by anything. Counsellors especially.

KittyandTeal · 22/12/2015 16:32

Can i write about my experience from the other side?

I was abused and raped over a number of years as a teenager. Once the abuser left me I shut it all down and pretended it hadn't happened. Could tell a few people but with a 'this happened to me and I don't let it affect me at all'.

My mh became worse and worse until about 10 years after the events I had a breakdown and was diagnosed with a host of mh issues. I was medicated and had years of therapy. I now understand that actually the events (although there are many I cannot remember, I totally disassociated in some events) were not the on,y thing effecting me, it was the pressure of forgetting and being 'normal' as well.

I now live with this and accept it happened to me and is partly my history but not part of me.

I recently lost dd2. Totally different but still traumatic. My response was not to bury and forget but to seek counselling and to talk and talk. I am now 11 months (to the day) after loosing her and am ok. Christmas is hard but I am mentally well atm if that makes sense.

Sorry it's a long response but I wanted to give a perspective for someone who has been through it, done what you're trying to do and come out the other end. You will never be able to forget (I'm sorry, because I know that's a really hard thing to hear) but you CAN learn to live with the feeling and become well again.

DragonsCanHop · 22/12/2015 16:56

Kitty that was so kind of you to share and I'm sorry you have been through all of that.

KittyandTeal · 22/12/2015 17:11

Thanks Dragons. I just hope it kind of helps. Sometimes it's hard to believe you'll come out the other side

DragonsCanHop · 22/12/2015 17:17

Very true Kitty. I think it's too difficult to see through to a better time when everything feels so consuming. You are proof that it can happen for a brave lady!

Emmmder2015 · 22/12/2015 17:38

OP anything you tell a therapist is in confidence. They only have to break it if someone is currently being harmed and then in specific circumstances or if you're telling them you're about to commit a major crime. Unless the person/people who traumatised you are in the crisis/therapist team, he people who made the threats will never know you've told anybody. Some therapists take notes, but you can ask them not to write certain things down AND their notes are all locked away anyway and shouldn't even have your name on (they'll have a system for anonymising them with numbers or letters for example).

You shouldn't do anything you're not comfortable with, but it's important you know there IS confidentiality and that you don't need to live with these symptoms. EMDR can be hard but incredible.

Good luck and don't let them win: what someone did to you then doesn't need to continue happening now (flashbacks), but you're right to do it when YOU'RE comfortable. Good luck.

originalmavis · 22/12/2015 17:41

This person us just messing with your mind for control. If you called their bluff what would happen? Would they still have power over you?

Original poster

Wantingtoforget · 22/12/2015 18:56

Kitty, I'm so sorry for everything that has happened to you. You are incredibly brave.

I don't know who the person is, but they know who I am and where I am. It is a risk I can't take, I feel sick having posted on here really, that I've come so close to doing what he said I shouldn't, what I promised I wouldn't.

OP posts:

DragonsCanHop · 22/12/2015 20:48

Well, if you don't know them then what is the chance of them knowing you have MN and what your NM is?

The only reason they threatened you is because they have more to lose than you do by ridding yourself of what happened. You are protecting their secret, you have done nothing wrong.

You will be ready in time, MN is a great place for support.

Take care and good luck.

Original poster

Wantingtoforget · 22/12/2015 22:01

I'm sorry if i'm being frustrating, I was just hoping there might be a way to forget, telling anyone just isn't an option. Unfortunately it seems there isn't, but knowing that helps decide things for me.

Thank you again to everyone.

OP posts:

DragonsCanHop · 22/12/2015 22:11

Not frustrating at all.

I'm very glad you posted here, you can see others have been in awful situations and made their way through and I hope that helps you.

I hope that you can find a bit Of safety and peace here, no one needs to know what you can't tell anyone (like I said in my private message) no one here knows you and you can use this space to just talk about your day or ask any questions.

You won't be the only person to have been through something that you are struggling to get past, we have all had times where things seem to awful to get through. Having someone to listen will help and some time you might want to share, that is your decision and there will always be someone here to listen.

BiscuitMillionaire · 22/12/2015 22:27

Hi OP. 'knowing that helps decide things for me' - what do you mean. I'm worried about you.

You know you can call the Samaritans and they won't require you to tell them anything about the incident, you can just talk about how you're feeling right now. www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us

Original poster

Wantingtoforget · 22/12/2015 23:22

Please don't worry about me, I'm really not worth any worry. Everything is fine.

OP posts:

DragonsCanHop · 22/12/2015 23:33

I remember that feeling of not being worthy, it drags you down so things can feel not real.

Can you think of one positive to write here in the next 24hrs wanting it may feel or sound like crap but sometimes focusing on the small baby steps first really does help.

You have all the time you need to stay with us and we are here for you. Moving on from this, d you have plans for Christmas, are you ready, do you have presents you are looking forward to giving?

EvaBING · 22/12/2015 23:56

You poor little thing.
I can't help you to forget.

I can't tell you how to try.
You are hurting. Just acknowledging that today is enough!
Nobody needs to know why.

It is just enough to know that you are hurting.
It's enough for me to know about you.
It's enough for you to ever have to share.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

EvaBING · 23/12/2015 00:04

You don't ever have to share this awful thing if you don't feel able to.

You can heal without sharing it with anyone.

You CAN heal though. Even though it seems impossible now. Please believe me. Please believe me that you can heal. You can.

I have! Though 6 years ago, I could not see any recovery in my life. I was consumed. But, I am now so FREE!

You can recover from this. I guarantee you this. 100%.

ProfessorPreciseaBug · 23/12/2015 09:19

If I read this correctly,

Something bad happened
It involved another person
That person ... or someone associated with them has threatened you if you tell anyone.

Is this a matter for the criminal justice system? And if so, do you feel you can trust the police?

Bear in mind the public mood has changed a great deal since Saville and abuse by people in power is now being treated differently.
Good luck...

KittyandTeal · 23/12/2015 09:49

Wanting it feels that you're in that place where there is nothing we will be able to say to make you see a different perspective (and I say that kindly, not in a frustrated way but in a way that makes me remember how many times I listened, nodded, agreed and thought 'but that won't work for me')

If this is the place you are in I can only suggest hold on, keep going, one foot in front of the other, one moment at a time and survive. I promise life will get better, you can be happy again but you need to see this time out.

We might all be strangers here but we all genuinely care about you

Hufflepuffin · 23/12/2015 09:55

Please call the Samaritans, they will be able to talk to you for as long as you like and you don't have to tell them anything you don't want to. You will be able to heal without talking about it - obviously talking about it would help, but there are options if you don't feel able to talk about it.

I would go back to you gp and request counselling for ptsd again, it is unreasonable that they discharged you for not wanting to talk about it. If anyone quibbles, ask to see the practice manager. Tell them that maybe after some counselling you will feel able to talk about it (I know this isn't true but the priority right now is getting to be able to see someone with the right expertise, no expert in ptsd will force you to talk about it, so if you have to tell a few white lies to be able to see that person then I think you have every right to).

Good luck! X

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