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Original poster

I think it's time to say goodbye

70 replies

Ineedsomebodylava · 16/12/2015 23:59

It's time to end it all. Something that I've been contemplating for months but couldn't bring myself to do it as its not fare on the innocent life inside me!

Expecting first and only child in 2 weeks and will sadly be saying goodbye. Sorry to do this but need to tell someone.

I'm sorry

OP posts:
SurroundedByBoxes · 17/12/2015 01:07

OP, this is a very useful site to read and if you are anywhere near London they an help you in person too:
www.maytree.org.uk/

torthecatlady · 17/12/2015 01:08

Everything might seem a little better in the morning? Night time is often the worst. Are you safe? X

Enfys1649 · 17/12/2015 01:09

You're absolutely not alone - not with Mumsnet. Please talk. We're here to listen.

Is there someone in your house that you'd rather not see right now?

muggedOnEbay · 17/12/2015 01:15

Thanks for getting back to us. We are here to listen to you, just let it all out x

TellMeALittle · 17/12/2015 01:17

Please keep posting.

Has something happened tonight?

Rockingaround · 17/12/2015 01:18

Thank you OP, please tell us why you are hiding? Do you feel unsafe? Night time always intensifies everything, really hope you're ok xxx

EdithSimcox · 17/12/2015 01:23

Hey Op, another one here to listen if you want to talk. Hugs. Flowers

SapphireSeptember · 17/12/2015 01:24

Dear OP, please don't hurt yourself. Think of the tiny life inside you, think of the years ahead of being a mother. Whatever has happened it is not strong enough to break you, please keep talking to us, you're not alone! We're here. (hugs) xxx

janaus · 17/12/2015 01:41

Look at all the people here who care. Together, we can support you and help. Hang in there. Your baby needs you. Sending hugs.

Custardmiteofglut · 17/12/2015 01:51

Hi OP. I'm here too, if you want to talk or just want a hand to hold. Nights when you are very close to you due date can be long and uncomfortable, but you're not alone. Please keep posting.

Kizulo · 17/12/2015 01:58

Look how many people are wanting to support you! Including me. Let us know how u are xx

AdmiralData · 17/12/2015 02:16

Ineed, just hold on, as someone else said, see how many people care? When you're feeling this bad, someone always cares, we're all here and it's all confidential, ok? x

toopeoply · 17/12/2015 02:29

Are you there Ineed? Please keep talking. Are you alone?

EddieStobbart · 17/12/2015 02:32

Ineed, I hope you are getting some rest. Hang in there.

tillytown · 17/12/2015 05:29

You're not alone op x

niceupthedance · 17/12/2015 05:39

I was where you are Christmas time five years ago. In the morning I went to the hospital and told them what I'd been thinking. A lovely mental health midwife saved my life. Perhaps you could do the same? Sending you love.

wannabestressfree · 17/12/2015 06:23

Here as well xx please chat

sminkypinky · 17/12/2015 07:03

Op I've been where you are. Please contact someone. Your gp or midwife can help. The samaritans helped me. I promise you will get better x

whatyouseeiswhatyouget · 17/12/2015 07:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

munkynutts · 17/12/2015 09:16

How are you feeling this morning OP?

Freezingwinter · 17/12/2015 09:17

Are you ok OP? Please let us know that you are!

MNHQ
DawnMumsnet · 17/12/2015 09:23

Hi Ineedsomebodylava,

We're sorry you're feeling so very low.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources - here. You can also go to the Samaritans' website here, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We're going to move your thread over to our Mental Health topic shortly.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Sorry for hijacking your thread Ineed, and we really hope things start to look up for you soon. Flowers

TheoriginalLEM · 17/12/2015 09:31

I am going to make some assumptions so please forgive me if i am wrong.

That you may be suffering from ante-natal depression. You must be really really scared because your mind is probably playing all sorts of nasty tricks on you and you are not thinking straight, or logically.

You mention that "saying goodbye" before your child is born wouldn't be fair on your child. Absolutely correct, but don't you think your child deserves to know his or her mummy? That whatever bad thing has happened to you in your life, this is your chance to experience true, unconditional love - i promise you, nothing can prepare you for that, it hits you like a truck. It can be overwhelming and scary for you though, all that love and all that vulnerability and you are the centre of that child's world. Don't take that away from your little baby, he/she needs you.

There is some good news - this is treatable, its really shit and really scary and you probably feel really hopeless but if you could just reach out, like you have so bravely done here to someone in RL there is help out there. Sometimes it can be a simple (yep really that simple) as medication, finding the right medication to tackle the hormonal upheaval that having a baby brings to your brain and getting to a point where you can start to feel better. It wont be easy but think about some things

When your little baby grabs onto your finger with his tiny little hand
When he first says mummy
His first day at nursery when his eyes light up to see you waiting to take him home, excited to show you what he has made, relieved that mummy is there.
School plays
hearing "i love you to the moon and back" or similar.

All of that and so much more.... you deserve to have all of those things and you can, you really can.

Its a pretty shit world we live in just now, but its all about the little things really.

Rockingaround · 17/12/2015 10:13

Hello OP do you think you could just let us know how you're doing lovely? Have u had some breakfast? Did you manage to rest? Have you spoken to anyone in RL, family/professional? Are you feeling any differently this morning? Really hope you're ok. I'm not religious but someone sent me this when I was in the same place as you and I found it a comfort.

        I said a prayer for you today
        And know God must have heard.
        I felt the answer in my heart
        Although he spoke no word!

        I didn't ask for wealth or fame
        (I knew you wouldn't mind).
        I asked him to send treasures
        Of a far more lasting kind

        I asked that he be near you
        At the start of each new day;
        To grant you health and blessings
        And friends to share your way

        I asked for happiness for you
        In all things great and small.
        But it was for his loving care
        I prayed the most of all
Original poster
Ineedsomebodylava · 17/12/2015 10:58

Sorry sounding cryptic. Dp was in bed next to bathroom. Didn't want him to know I'm on my phone.

OP posts: